Why Is It ...

… that we have anger management classes but we don’t have stupidity management classes? You can be dumb but I can’t be angry?

… that you need to know that someone, somewhere, right now, is thinking of you and the impact you’ve made on their life, but it isn’t me cuz I think you’re an effing idiot.

… that people don’t understand that I’m not really a “people person,” I am more of a “one human at a time, by appointment only” kind of person ... “no walk-ins allowed.”

… that when my therapist asked what triggers me and I replied, “Nouns,” she didn’t understand until I added, “People, places and things.”

… that I just learned that the serving size for chips is ten; hell, I eat ten chips while trying to decide if I want chips.

… that people are just now learning how good water is for you … you want to lose weight, drink water … you want clear skin, more water … don’t like a person, drown them. Water is amazing.

… that people are all against cigarettes, sugar and booze now but forget who was there for you when your life fell apart; hint: it wasn’t broccoli.

… that people can’t understand why The Wizard of Oz is my all-time favorite movie? I mean, dropping houses on a bitch, making them melt and shiz, I live for that.

… that men don’t test anti-wrinkle creams on their ball sack first? If it gets wrinkles out of that, I’m buying that shiz in bulk.