It's Our Six-and-Twenty Anniversary

I say ‘Six Twenty’ because it’s been six years legally wed and twenty years, um, illegally married? 

And it’s been a ride, one I wasn’t certain would ever happen to me, and I was fine with that; and then I got a computer and went online and into a chatroom and suddenly there was someone talking to me.

It was odd; it was not the way I’d expected it to go, and I was certain it would amount to nothing, but what are a few private messages and some emails? Right? What could possibly go wrong, or right. He wanted to meet me; but he lived in Miami and I lived in California. We couldn’t be much further apart unless I was in Hawaii. And so, I flew to Miami but …

Quick aside: I used to be the kind of person that would not take any really bold chances, such as flying across the country to meet a perfect …and oy, did he sound perfect … stranger in a city I’d never been to before, and, as the day approached for my flight, I actually created a story in my head that I would take the flight, but get off the plane when we had a stopover on Houston., spend the week in some cheeseball hotel in Houston, and then fly back home and tell everyone that Carlos was nice but he wasn’t the one for me; and then I would ignore him online and by phone; I would be inventing ‘ghosting’ way back when. But …

Aside over: I stayed on the plane and in Ft. Lauderdale, there he was, in a  freaking bowtie no less, with a bouquet of roses. He looked exactly like his pictures, but much more handsome and adorable.

We spent eleven days together; we went to Key West and watched the sunset and …yeah … and we went to South Beach and swam in the ocean and … yeah … we stayed at his house and I met his Aunt Gloria and … yeah, only a lot quiet because she’s a light sleeper. And then it was over, and I was flying home and what in the hell was this? Was it a 3,000-mile-long distance relationship? A 3,000-mile-long distance booty call?

It was love; and the next month Carlos was on the West Coast, meeting my friends and my parents and … yeah … in San Francisco and Lake Tahoe and … yeah … in my parents’ house though we were much quitter because they were right downstairs! And then that was over; what next? We called and emailed still; he spoke with my parents and friends and I spoke with his family until it became clear that I would move to Miami. I had a job that would transfer well to Florida and, well, there are times in life where you just have to, as I aid in a much earlier blog post called Shake the Etch-A-Sketch. That was what I had done that day during the stopover in  Houston; I shook the Etch-A-Sketch and everything changed.

So, where does this all lead? It leads to today, twenty years after I stepped off another plane in Florida, though this time I wouldn't be staying a week or so. Twenty years ago today Carlos and I started our life together and there was no looking back; only forward.

Fast forward to marriage equality and the reality that it was about to spread nationwide. We wanted that; we wanted the world, our friends and family, coworkers, strangers, the check-out girl at the Food Lion, the waiter who brought me another cocktail, to know that we weren’t just a couple, we weren’t close friends, we weren’t partners—though those are all good things—we wanted everyone to know that we are Mister and Mister.

In October 2014 we flew to Bellingham, Washington, to be married with my father as a witness. I seriously never thought I would see the day that I would ... that I could ... marry Carlos,  but we did just that. I only wish my mother and sister could have been there in more than just spirit because, as much as they love me, they love Carlos as much ... maybe more.

I remember as a kid—a not-yet-out-but-knowing-I-was-different kid—telling my mother that I would never get married, but I would have a maid to take care of my kids. How things change; as I remember that story now, realizing it may have been my first shot at coming out—as a six-year-old, I think—because, even then, I never thought I could get married, never thought I’d be allowed to get married.We chose to get married on the same day I moved to Miami, October 17, because, and he’ll hate me for saying it and then he’ll quickly forget I said it at all, Carlos is bad with dates; I figured the last thing he needed was another ‘us’ date to recall.

And so we did it, and it’s been six-and-twenty years. And while it has been lovely and raucous and fun, and there have been down times and sad times and bad times, but, as Elaine Stritch would say—and god am I gay … Elaine Stritch!—we’re still here.

And looking forward, always forward, and while I didn’t say this myself—Charlotte said it in one of those Sex and the City movies … again, god I’m gay—I like to say that I am happy every single day with Carlos. Oh, not all day, every day, because that’s life, but every single day for the last twenty years, for some small or large part of the day, I have realized how happy I am and how happy he makes me.

And that’s something to celebrate!

I have often said that, for me, Carlos is home, and when I hear this song, it reminds me of that ...

 

PS Also celebrating anniversaries today are Anne Marie of From My Brain to My Mouth and Todd of ArTeeJee, as well as Travel Penguin and his Sweet Bear!

Stop in and wish them all Happy Happy!