Random Musings

Carlos and I watched a TV show a long time ago called Kyle XY and, as he does because he thinks everyone is gay, Carlos would say that lead actor Matt Dallas was a big old homo.

Turns out his Gaydar was pinging correctly as Matt Dallas recently Tweeted of his engagement to Blue Hamilton, an independent musician based in Los Angeles.

Welcome out, Matt, and look for the Homo HQ Toaster Oven as a combined Engagement and Coming Out gift!

So, there was this man who called 911 to say that he was stuck in a pair of handcuffs and needed help before it, um, became a ‘medical emergency.’

If I had a nickel for every time I …. But I digress.

It turns out, however that the man was Father Tom Donovan, the pastor of St. Aloysius church in Springfield, Illinois.

“I’m going to need help getting out before this becomes a medical emergency,” Father Donovan told a dispatcher who asked, “You’re stuck in a pair of handcuffs?”

“(I was) playing with them and I need help getting out.”

 It’s not clear exactly how he ended up in handcuffs or why he feared a medical emergency but his voice appeared muffled on the recording and sources say when police arrived to remove the cuffs, they found the good Father with some sort of gag in his mouth.

Now, I thought that may have been gossip Overkill until I listened to the recording.

You be the judge. [Sidenote: Bishop Thomas Paprocki granted Father Donovan’s request after his 911 escapade.

OMG. Cher is coming back to TV!

More than 40 years after The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour premiered, Logo has announced that the Oscar and Grammy winner has signed a deal for a pilot script set in early 1960s Hollywood. She'll be collaborating with comedian Ron Zimmerman. Zimmerman has been romantically linked to Cher in recent years and counts Shake It Up! and 'Til Death among his most recent TV writing credits.

The Cher scripted development project comes as the network is pushing hard into original scripted efforts. Should the Cher project move to series, it would join a roster of original programming that has included Exes and Ohs, Noah's Arc and Sordid Lives, among others.

It’s a Cher production, bitches, and I’ll be watching.

Note to Azealia Banks:

Knock it off.

If you bite the Gay Hand that feeds you, you just might find yourself in a Bargain Bin at CD World and nowhere at all on iTunes.

Also.....

Note to Fantasia:

Knock it off.

Quit apologizing and re-apologizing. You said what you said, you said it was taken out of context, you made yourself clear.

Move on.

BTW Aren't you already in the Bargain Bin at CD World and nowhere on iTunes?

Justified is back, which means Timothy Olyphant is back, which me I am very, very happy.

I just found a show called The Burn with Jeff Ross which is highly offensive, blatantly politically incorrect and absolutely highlarious. It's on Comedy Central, check your local listings.

Downton Abby. I've missed you so.

Being Human starts next week, and, for me, any time you can do a dramatic version of Three's Company with a vampire, a werewolf and a ghost as roommates, I'm in.

Former Representative Gabrielle Giffords, herself the victim of gun violence, and her husband, Mark Kelly, have launched a new group and website to battle the gun lobby: 

Dear fellow American,  Two years ago, a mentally ill young man shot me in the head, killed six of my constituents, and wounded 12 others. Since that terrible day, America has seen 11 more mass shootings – but no response from Congress to prevent gun violence. After the massacre of 20 children and six of their teachers at Sandy Hook Elementary though, it’s clear: This time must be different. Americans for Responsible Solutions will encourage elected officials to stand up for solutions to prevent gun violence and protect responsible gun ownership by communicating directly with the constituents that elect them. Join us today, and tell your elected leaders that Americans are demanding responsible solutions to reduce gun violence.

The Giffords say that they both own guns and support the Second Amendment.

And now to share something humorous from Paul Rudnick, for The New Yorker.

CRUISE CONTROL

When Tom Cruise . . . [was] looking to hire a new estate manager . . . prospective staffers had to undergo rigorous testing at the Scientology Celebrity Center in Los Angeles. . . . “The test took an entire afternoon and included questions such as, ‘if you saw a car stuck on the train tracks with people inside, and a train approaching, what would you do?’ ” —Radar Online.

Sources have revealed additional questions from this grueling exam:

1. If a stranger was standing outside a cineplex and trying to decide whether to see “The Hobbit” or Tom’s new film, “Jack Reacher,” what would you tell that person?

(a) “Tom stars in both movies.”

(b) “If Jack Reacher wanted to slay a dragon and recapture the dwarves’ ancestral city, he wouldn’t need three movies to do it.”

(c) “Would you ever want to see a hobbit with its shirt off?”

2. Tom has been married to three lovely actresses. If you glimpsed another lovely actress wandering past the estate, what would you say to her?

(a) “Come inside—we have a warm fire, porridge, and an ironclad prenup.”

(b) “The master is currently in Europe, slaughtering aliens, but would you like to watch ‘Cocktail’?”

(c) “I must warn you, if you keep walking, you’ll come to a wooden footbridge, where George Clooney will ask you out.”

3. If a friend mocked Scientology as a creepy ersatz religion, how would you reply?

(a) “Kirstie Alley looks just like the Buddha.”

(b) “Someday a Scientologist will be President, in a miniseries.”

(c) “A Scientologist is just a Mormon with an agent.”

4. If Tom asked you to explain how the universe came into being, how would you answer?

(a) “You really should ask Mr. Travolta.”

(b) “For me, life began when I saw you do that walk-on in ‘Endless Love.’ ”

(c) “I don’t know and I don’t care, as long as your toilets are sparkling.”

5. If there was a bus coming right at you, and you could save only Tom or Ryan Gosling, whom would you save?

(a) I would stack them.

(b) I would save Tom, because then he could heal Ryan, with his grin.

(c) I would sacrifice myself, so that Tom and Ryan could make a buddy movie, in which they’d play a pair of C.I.A. operatives and Jennifer Lawrence would be the Secretary of State who loves them both.

6. If you left three monkeys alone in a room with a pair of mirrored aviator sunglasses and a leather bomber jacket, would they eventually write a sequel to “Top Gun” or would they just form a Village People tribute band?

7. If you accidentally served Tom and his guests using paper plates, what would you do to show remorse?

(a) Watch “Knight and Day” all the way through.

(b) Watch “Interview with the Vampire” without giggling.

(c) Watch “Days of Thunder” and then tell Tom, “For the first time, I understand cars.”

8. Tom was very funny and demonstrated a terrific singing voice in “Rock of Ages.” Why wasn’t he offered the role of Fantine, the tragic French prostitute, in “Les Misérables”?

(a) Scheduling.

(b) Fantine is a loser.

(c) Instead of “I Dreamed a Dream,” Tom wanted to sing “Call Me Maybe.”

9. In “Valkyrie,” Tom plays a sympathetic Nazi who wears an eye patch and speaks with an American accent. If Tom asked you what you thought of his performance, what would you say?

(a) “You were totally Goebbels!”

(b) “One eye, five stars!”

(c) “Best Nazi ever!!!”

10. If a meteor was hurtling toward Earth, and there was only enough room on the last escaping spaceship for Tom, his adorable six-year-old daughter, Suri, and one other person, what would you tell Tom?

(a) “Put your coat on the extra seat so everyone will think someone’s already sitting there.”

(b) “Maybe Suri has a little friend from school who can grow up and marry you.”

(c) “When that meteor incinerates me, I’ll just remind myself, ‘Well, I did use paper plates.’ ”