As the designtestants meet at the runway, sizing each other up, and cutting others down, Heidi appears, with the fabulous Tim Gunn, and let's them in on the secret that we've known all along: it's Project Runway Teams, aka Bitchfights Are a'Coming. And the designers sit stone-faced, smiles pasted on, or, as in the case of the PR, hot-glued on, their faces. They are afraid and scared and, well, pissed off.
This is gonna get good, or ugly, or good'n'ugly.
But enough about Daniel's mustache, let's get on to the challenge: the designtestants will create a garment that shows their personalities—with input from the rest of their team—inspired by a view of New York City.
Team Keeping It Real--Richard giggles as he tells us he created the name--will take a tour of NYC from afar, or, on the Hudson, while the Dream Team--which you just know will become a nightmare--will get to view NYC from the top.
And, since we've monkeywrenched the rules once, well, let's do some more: Tim's critiques will now be group critiques with the entire team reviewing each person's work. Also, the adorable Zac Posen--looking very Blaine's older brother from Glee and I'm crushing a little on him--will be taking over for Kors, who will be back. Plus, the winner comes from the winning team--even if the worst outfit is on that team, and the Aufee comes from the losing team, even if there is something more awful on the winning team.
M'kay? Let's rip.....
The Winners: Team Keeping It Real
|from L to R: Layana, Amanda, Joe, Stanley, Kate|
Layana seems diva-esque and may well work my nerve. Not only from the fact that her dress was simple and boring and I’d seen it before …. At Belk in Columbia.
Amanda seemed to be riffing on, or ripping off, Gretchen with her hobo-chic outfit.
Joe brought our first “its draperies” of the season.
Stanley’s pleather-looking pantsuit had a weird stretchy crotch thing.
Kate’s is terrycloth Simplicity.
But enough about the also-rans, let’s get to the Top Three:
He’s self-taught because he says he was bullied so much that he had to leave school. Now, not to be mean—or too mean—if he was rocking that mustache in school, well, he was kinda asking for it.
I kid. Don’t start sending me letters.
He’s a little too much in the personality department and seems like that kid in school who is always nodding while the teacher speaks and says something like this, about two minutes before class ends on a Friday: “Miss Jones? You forgot to assign homework over the weekend.”
Yeah, he’s that kid. But, with all his eccentricities, his design, I thought, was really simple; well-made, no doubt, but so, so simple.
The Pia Z’adorable Zac Posen—seriously, I want to carry him around with me and take him out of my pocket every so often just to look at him—said it looked like sportswear, and structure and draping, though he did kind of hint that it was a little knock-offish of what had just shown in Paris.
Paris. I’d love to see Paris with Zac Posen as my Pocket Tour Guide.
Anyway….Nina didn’t mention the similarity to Paris Fashion Week at all, though she said she loved the sleeve length and the length of the pant—remember, it’s not pants, it’s pant.
Guest Judge Christian Siriano—still rocking that same ridiculous hairstyle and snobbish Mean Girl face—loved the neckline, while Heidi simply called it chic..
So, Daniel and His Magic Mustache—seriously, that thing moves like it has a mind of its own—get the First Win of PR11.
I, like Richard, am from Sacramento, so I’ll try to be kind ….
Okay, his head looks like a walnut and he laughs too much and opens his mouth real wide like he is literally going to eat you.
Plus, he didn’t realize he was in New York until he saw the Statue of Liberty? Um, the Empire State Building? The Chrysler Building? Tim Gunn? None of those things said New York?
When his look hit the runway I winced. It looked to me like the model had put the dress on sideways, or upside-down, or something. Was her arm though the neck-hole? Why one sleeve and one slit? And that crooked hemline. I saw this as a d-i-saster.
Then, my New Boyfriend In My Head, Zacky Posen said he liked the use of asymmetry, and called it flattering. Nina Garcia said it was very urban and versatile—slip into your combat boots or your ballet flats and you’re good to go! Heidi, of course, said she would wear it—though she’d probably lower the neckline and raise the hemline. Christian Siriano liked that it was so different from everything else the designers had shown.
By the end of the critique I was kind of getting it; or maybe because Zacky liked it, I liked it. Hard to say for sure.
She’s the first Native American on the PR and her Native American name is Water Lily.
And, I love her. I love that she thought totally outside the box and began hand-painting her fabric, and then cutting it up, and then slashing it, and then piecing it together and creating a shapeless dress that had movement and shimmered.
I wasn’t so fond of her shrill Bird Call/Prayer on the boat. It was a little too Air Raid and probably scared blocks and blocks of New Yorkers walking along the streets.
But she talks and talks and talks and ….. finally Heidi got a word in; and that word was that the dress speaks for itself. Zac didn’t like the shapelessness of it, but Nina said that the use of the cut pieces of fabric made the dress move and therefore didn’t need to be too form-fitting. Christian loved the little cityscapes.
Zac did love that Patricia has a very strong female point-of-view, and Nina loved that she has an artistic sensibility.
I think, while she may not be at The Tents, she’ll make some cool things along the way.
The Losers: Dream Team
|from L to R: Michelle, Benjamin, Samantha, Matthew, Tu|
Michelle is going to be a bitch and a complainer and not a team player at all, but I liked the urban-ness of her look.
Benjamin—I loves a man with an accent—seemed to have made the Silk Dupioni Drapery companion piece to Joe’s Drapery Dress, though Heidi gave him high marks for it.
Samantha’s dress was Judy Jetson Goes To A Funeral
Matthew went very simple and very cute and very You-aren’t-going-to-get-a-lot-of-airtime.
Tu. Psycho Nurse From The Future coming at you and Psycho Nun From The Future as it walks away.
The clumsy one who dropped his hat as he came in and then tripped on the first step; then, well, he pretended to pee ion the runway as though ‘marking his turf.’
Someone, and I won’t say who, should have peed on his dress.
His look was very simple; too simple. He had an idea, and then during the group critique he let the others talk him out of his original design. That will be an interesting part of this team dynamic: do you trust what your fellow designers tell you?
Cutie-patootie Zac Posen called his look “pedestrian” and may have added that it needed to have been run over by a cross-town bus—or maybe that was just the Zac Posen in my head. It was neither here nor there. He also said the pleating on the tank top looked like it had been chewed up—perhaps by the tires of the aforementioned bus? Nina called it uninspiring, while Christian Siriano basically said the tank tanked.
I could say he dodged a bullet but with what Emily showed he could have sent the model down the runway in a Ziploc Bag and still have been safe.
A funeral home owner turned fashion designer. I wonder how she’ll fare with clients that can speak.
Plus, she’s the oldest of the group in age, but one of the youngest in terms of career, since she just graduated from design school.
Still, I think even a corpse might have asked for a second choice when seeing Cindy’s dress. The mix of patterns was odd, especially with the red-and-white checkerboard strip. It didn’t work from head-to-toe.
Heidi dubbed it unattractive with a bad mix of patterns while Nina said it wasn’t New York and it wasn’t urban and she wouldn’t be caught dead in it.
I wouldn’t be so sure, Nina; Cindy may have an in with NYC funeral homes and you might spend eternity in hideousness.
Christian said it had no designer qualities, while Zacky said it was all bad, all bad construction and all bad print.
But, again, she could have sent it down the runway as a coffin lining and still not have been sent home because ….
“I’m sorry, but I’m gonna win.”
Cue ominous drumming.
Then she sucks on a lollipop and tells us she’s one of the best designers and will at least be Top Three.
The drumming intensifies.
During the group critique, her teammates tell her to scrap the jacket and just make a dress, because you can send down a dress, but a jacket by itself will surely go home.
Emily vows to make the jacket.
Add some storm clouds on the horizon.
Emily, when her model shows up, has nothing to show her, or fit on her; at the end of the day she has nothing done, and she begins to wonder how she’ll do.
A black crow caws in the distance.
The next day, while she works on the jacket she wasn’t going to make, she asks Cindy—who’d finished her mess—to make her a simple slip skirt.
Thunder and a hint of lightning.
In all the years of watching the PR and guessing who will go home, and who will win, I have never been so sure of who will be Auf’d as I was when Emily’s half-finished-but-completely-terrible dress came down. It literally looked like a tornado swept through the workroom, swirling up fabric and hot glue and then pasting it all on the model.
Heidi said it looked like her eight-year-old had made it, but I think her eight-her-old could have made it better even if she'd been dropped on her head about twenty times first. Heidi then called it butt ugly and chewed up by the sewing machine.
Christian said he could see hints of structural design in the sleeve.
Zac said Emily lacked taste, design eye, craft and a good hand; he offered her a backhand. But, leave it to Nina Garcia: “In eleven seasons …. I have never seen such an unfinished garment walk down the runway.”
Emily hadn’t even bothered to put a zipper, a button, a snap, or a strip of Velcro in the back; the back of the dress was tied together.
Is it any wonder that Emily was given the boot? An actual boot as Nina kicked her ass down 5th Avenue?
Zac Posen. Yeah, I miss Korange, but Zac is just delicious.
I may like this team thing, because it will make it more dramatic, and more game-playing. I mean, when your teammate says you’ve done good work and don’t change a thing, do they mean it, or do they think you’re so bad you’ll be going home? With all the drama waiting in the workroom, the designtestants will have to watch their work, and their backs in order not to be eliminated.
I love Joanna Coles, but no one works a workroom like The Gunn.
Front runners, for me? Benjamin, Michelle and Mustache.
Dark horses? Richard, Tu and Joe.
Okay. I’ll stop....after this:
What did YOU think?