Saturday, January 26, 2013

I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Jennifer Lopez made the cover of People magazine and, well, she's not happy about it. Not the story, mind you, but the cover shot.
Lopez’s hair looks particularly shaggy and frizzy on the cover, but it’s not a Photoshop issue because, apparently, People posted a video clip of her interview and she looks just as rode hard and put away wet onscreen as she does on the cover.
Well Ms. Lopez’s people are not happy about the photo, and are saying that it makes her look "old and haggard.” 
No, JLo, what makes you look old is having a boyfriend young enough to be your son, and what makes you look haggard is trying to keep up with a boyfriend young enough to be your son.
A smidgen of Lohan because, well, it wouldn't be a week without Lindsay news....
Lindsay Lohan doesn’t care that the prosecutor in her car crash case--where she lied to the police about driving--is willing to let her skate without spending a day in jail because she won’t plea bargain a case in which she says she’s innocent.
Lohan's recently fired attorney--the one to whom she owes a $300,000 bill--Shawn Holley was on her way to court last week to negotiate a deal in Lindsay’s lying-to-cops case when she got her walking papers and law enforcement sources say the prosecutor was willing to let Lindsay plead no contest and agree to six months of lockdown rehab but no real jail time. But Lohan ain't playing because she didn't do it! She wasn't there! She doesn’t drive!
Or something.
But, if the case goes to trial and Lindsay is found guilty, she faces up to 19 months in jail. On top of that, the lying-to-cops mess has triggered a probation violation in her jewelry heist case and she could get another 245 days for that.
I don't know about you, but I think Lohan needs some jail time. If only so I can stop talking about least if someone wackier comes along.
First off, isn't it creepy how Bruce looks like a woman and Kris looks like a man?’s not surprising to hear that Kris Jenner is not the best mom, and it's not really a surprise to hear stories about what a terrible mom she's been to her marketing tools children. 
It seems that Kris' ex-husband's widow--oh, this does get tangled--has sold her late husband's handwritten diaries to the highest bidder because that's how you roll in Hollywood; sell your children, and then sell bits and pieces of your dead husband.
Still, according to Robert Kardashian’s diaries, he claims that Kris had an incident in which she was “kicking and beating Kim” and threatened to kill her! This ALLEGEDLY occurred in 1989-90, so little Kimmie was about nine at the time. 
Now that's an awful story to tell, but the diaries also reveal that  Kris would ALLEGEDLY leave her then four kids--Rob, the youngest, was two--for days at a time while she was probably trolling the skankier clubs around LA for her next meal ticket husband.
Sure, maybe the kids were with Daddy, and maybe Daddy had help, but where was Mama K? Maybe, oh, I dunno, screwing that young guy that she happily admitted cheating on her then-husband with in her idiotic memoir.
Nice, really, but when you realize it's Kris Jenner, it all makes sense.
I used to like Bethenny Frankel on the Real Housewives of New York--even though she wasn't a housewife, but a single gal on the go. She was snarky and bitchy and said what was on her mind, so she made for great TV. But then she got her own show, got pregnant--perhaps on TV--got married--on TV--had a baby--on TV--and built a business into a multi-million dollar enterprise--on TV.
Now, Bethenny and her husband, Jason Hoppy, aren't so TV-happy and are getting TV-divorced. And it's getting ugly:

  • Bethenny--worth an estimated $25 million--has requested primary custody of their daughter, Bryn.
  • Jason--worth an estimated $5 million--has also requested primary custody of their daughter, Bryn.
  • Bethenny wants child support.
  • Jason wants child support.
  • Bethenny is asking Jason to foot the bill for medical and dental insurance as well as related expenses for himself and daughter Bryn.
  • Jason is asking for Bethenny to foot the bill for medical and dental insurance as well as related expenses for himself and daughter Bryn.
  • Bethenny wants Jason to maintain life insurance on himself, making both Bryn and her beneficiaries.
  • Jason wants Bethenny to maintain life insurance on herself, making both Bryn and him beneficiaries.
  • Bethenny wants their Tribeca loft as her sole residence.
  • Jason wants their Tribeca loft as his sole residence.
Is it me, or, since they both want the exact same things, shouldn't they just stay married? And off TV?
Okay, Beyoncé lip-synced or sang to a pre-recorded track at the 2013 Inaugural Ceremony. Even she's admitting it now. And lots of people, from Anderson Cooper--who asked that we all give it a rest--and Aretha Franklin--who laughed and said she knew Beyoncé was lipping it--has weighed in on the story.
So, who's left to talk about it?
Those media whores.
Jennifer Lopez said, "Sometimes it happens."
Like it was an accident? Sometimes I crap my pants?
Not to be outdone in the weighing in on the story to keep her name in print, is adulteress and Twit-aholic, LeAnn Rimes, who said,  "Sometimes they make you do it. 
They? So, Beyoncé was forced into it? At gunpoint?
Maybe RuPaul was right, and we really do have to lip-sync for our lives!


Jim said...

Lindsay Lohan AND J-Lo news?
Those two are awesome for tidbits of gossip, aren't they?
Have a great weekend Bob!

the dogs' mother said...

I wonder if even jail could smarten Lindsay up?

SEAN said...

People is know for doing very little photoshopping. It's not that they made her look bad, they just didn't erase it.

anne marie in philly said...


lilo, the kardashians, and the frankels need to crawl back under their respective rocks. AND STAY THERE. PERMANENTLY.

bey needs to go away for awhile; her 15 minutes of fame are 1/2 minute shy of being all used up.

R.J. said...

I like JLo's hair. It looks like someone took her for a ride. And if it wasn't Casper, then who?

I used to like Bethenny, but then she showed her real colors last season. I can't stand her, and Jason already got what he asked for -- fame by marrying a wack-a-doodle.

Ask the Cool Cookie said...

I didn't even recognize Jennifer in that picture. She should be thankful that no one recognized her, buit NO she has to start complaining about it. Cunt.

Ron said...

19 months in the slammer for Loh-Ass should get her attention. You can be sure she'll look "rode hard" when she get out.

Ron said...

I can't believe, back in 1976 at the Montreal Olympics when I saw Bruce Jenner taking his genitals bouncing victory lap around the track, I actually thought he was HOT. Man, what happened?

Princess said...

Re J-low... she looks "old and haggard.” but she is!