I Ain't One To Gossip But

LeAnn Rimes knows how to pick 'em, and they sure know how to pick through her bank account. It seems Eddie Cibrian's on-set-f**k-turned-wife has just the right digits--bank digits--to keep him happy, and possibly on a short leash.

And the bills continue to mount.

“Eddie spends LeAnn’s money at an alarming rate!” an insider--Brandi--says. “He acts like it’s unlimited; he doesn’t even care. He buys whatever he wants, no matter how extravagant it is. The way he sees it, he supports LeAnn in everything she does, so it’s only fair that he gets to buy himself treats. Eddie will buy LeAnn gifts with her own money, but she doesn’t care… it’s a great excuse for her to show off to everyone and act like Eddie takes care of her.”

His treats include vacations to Mexico, with LeAnn's money, watches for him, with LeAnn's money, and an $85,000 five-carat engagement ring that he gave her, after writing the check for the ring on her account.

And now LeAnn's accountant is warning her of his sticky fingers, but LeAnn doesn't care because she's desperate to keep Eddie from doing what Eddie does, cheat on his wives over and over again until he finds a better meal ticket and then files for divorce.

So, we know that since she "appeared" at a New Years Eve party and pocketed a hundred grand, that Lindsay Lohan is basically a girl for hire and that whole I wanna win an Oscar mess was just that, mess.

Now, it seems like Lohan may take the next step in her descent into porn…after her sure-to-be-craptastic turn in The Canyon. Word has it that Lindsay--facing jail time for probation violation, facing jail for assault, being evicted from her home, having the IRS seize her bank accounts--is considering a $2.5 Million offer to star in a masturbation porno, kinda like the one the Octomon did.

I need a Silkwood scrubdown after typing that.

“Her acting career is going south and it seems as if people are run­ning scared from working with her – some industry insiders think she’s uninsurable, unreliable and far too much trouble,” said a source named Dina Lohan who could use $2.5 million in Chardonnay and crack. 

Lindsay's had these kinds of, um, offers before, but no one has offered her this much money for whoring herself out. So, this could be the best thing for her; she's tried going the respectable actress route but she keeps screwing it up with drink and drugs and car crashes and nights out with Dina. Maybe a career as a true porn star, and an international call girl, will finally net Lindsay the kind of fame she truly deserves.

So, Naomi Campbell says she was attacked in Paris, and, before you ask, No, it was not one of her assistants or her maids throwing a cell phone at her.

Campbell said she was ALLEGEDLY attacked on the street when she was alone and trying to hail a cab. And she ALLEGEDLY tore a ligament in her knee and was forced to spend the holidays in a wheelchair being pushed around by minions. Now, she wants you all to know that she's being all Jodie Foster in The Brave One:

“I had an injury of my knee and I am on the mend. I cannot discuss any further as there is an investigation,” Campbell told Page Six, while in LA to promote her upcoming series, The Face—an America's Next Top Model rip-off.

But, um, maybe that's not true, and maybe Page Six is wrong. See, The Mail spoke to the French police investigating the crime, and their version is somewhat different. They say Campbell was attacked as she sat in a limo in central Paris, and that her assailants were “two men on a motorbike” who tried to grab her handbag although “nothing was taken.”

After the attack, Naomi took her limo to the police station and filed a complaint though she refused a medical examination, all the while claiming that she was being "deliberately targeted.” 

This is all so fishy. If she was in her limo, how did she hurt her leg? I think maybe the driver bit her after she threw a phone at him.

Meanwhile, back at Lindsanity.....

Lohan recently "appeared" as herself on Bravo's Million Dollar Decorators because the network paid some 250K to have one of their decorators, Kathryn Ireland--that's her, with furniture thief Lohan--redo the Beverly Hills Manson from which Lindsay was recently evicted.

Now, all was fine at the start and Lohan appeared on the show, albeit looking a little "rode hard and put away wet" as we say down here in horse country. But, when it came time to film the "reveal" Lindsay refused to appear and the show was reduced to playing it off like the day of the reveal was the day Lindsay was lying to police about who was driving the car that crashed into the truck on the Pacific Coast Highway.

Bad enough, except let’s add to that mess the fact that Lindsay has taken all the furniture Bravo paid for, and even ripped up the hardwood floors they installed and hid it all away in one of those storage lockers that might be auctioned off since she cannot come up with that rent either.

And Lindsay is apparently bragging to friends that this is how she gets stuff for free. Which might be all well and good except that I imagine she won't be able to take her stolen decorator tidbits to her next residence, the LA County Detention Center.

Demi Moore. Crazy like Lohan? Crazy like Bynes?

Remember a couple of weeks ago she was photographed at a Miami nightclub wearing a short-short onesie and dancing by herself. In fact, she was acting such the fool that her new boy-toy, 26-year-old art dealer Vito Schnabel, dumped her because she was damaging his reputation. I know!

Now, with the news that Ashton Kutcher, her grandson/husband has filed for divorce, Demi is sliding further and further into CrazyTown, Byneville, Lohan City.

Recently Demi checked herself into a spa resort, you know, to get herself together and into shape, maybe by eating a cracker and laying off the Whip-Its. But, instead of doing any of that Demi decided to call herself Topper and bone all the young dudes she could find.

A source—and it’s probably Demi daughter, Rumor, because you know she has nothing else going on— described the bootcamp at Tulum, Mexico’s Amansala resort, as a “weight-loss vacation” where “guests tend to be accomplished women in their 30s and 40s.”

First off. Demi Moore is fifty, and .... weight loss? If she lost any more weight she’d be invisible. Anyway …. eyewitnesses say that the soon-to-be ex-Missus Kutcher was seen on numerous occasions heading off to her rooms with younger men in tow; and I literally mean, in tow, because I assume she’d hand them handcuffed in order to get them into her room quickly.

And, what about that whole being called Topper thing? Well, that refers to a 1937 Cary Grant film in which a man lives his life to the fullest; and, to Demi, living a full life means bedding boys.

And, we have more on Lindsay Lohan, who has ALLEGEDLY returned to her former career,Jewel Thief.

It appears that Lindsay has been accused by Elizabeth Taylor‘s former nurse of stealing one of the late actress’ bracelets.

A source--and it could either be Michael, desperate for a few minutes more of fame, or Dina, looking for a fix--says, "Lindsay became very good friends with Elizabeth Taylor’s longtime nurse while shooting Liz & Dick. Elizabeth had given the nurse an expensive bracelet that was very meaningful to her and the nurse absolutely cherished it. Lindsay immediately fell in love with the bracelet the minute she saw it and was very vocal about how much she admired it. A short time later, the bracelet disappeared from the nurse’s house … on the very same day Lindsay had been to visit.

Now, the nurse gave Lindsay the benefit of the doubt, probably because she doesn't read and doesn't know that Lindsay has a habit of walking out of photo shoots with the clothes she wore, out of jewelry stores with necklaces, and out of hotel rooms with an entire mini-bar under her dress.

But then she called Lindsay, who adamantly denied stealing any jewelry, and then, about a week or so later, after categorically denying having it in her possession, and after the nurse threatened to call the police and TMZ, did the bracelet magically reappear.

In fact, one of Lindsay's "people" [read: dealer] actually returned the bracelet to the nurse.

Lohan, sticky fingers. Furniture thief and jewelry thief.

Well, I guess she needs a new trade now that the whole acting thing is over.

In case you were wondering whether Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey have buried the hatchet, the answer would be a big fat—like Mariah Carey in a green strapless dress fat—No.

So, naturally Fox sent them out on a press junket to promote the next season of American Not-So-Much Idol As-Whatever and made sure to seat poor Keith Urban in between the two divas to act as a human shield. Or a babysitter, because whenever one of them spoke, the other would be giving the eye-roll, you know, like toddlers might do.

And, while both women say they have put their leaked-to-video-by-someone-who-is-not-a-producer spat behind them, because it “distracts” from the show, Carey did throw the first ball when she said, about the snit, that it was “a one-sided thing”.

Naturally, meaning Nicki started it all, except that Nicki, looking normal and stick-thin in the same shot as Heifer Carey, said, “No, it wasn’t! See? They don’t want a rising star, they want drama.”

Of course they do, because the last real American Idol was Carrie Underwood in 1962, and before that it was Kelly Clarkson in 1957. Now, those years aren’t right, but Idol has been on forever and hasn’t produced a real idol in a decade or so.

The show is about the drama because there is no real talent, in front of the desk or behind it.

Except for Keith Urban, who can sing and is just adorable.