PR10EP9: The Prints of Darkness

This is one of those challenges I like, combined with one of the episodes I loathe: the Create-Your-Own-Textile-Challenge mixed in with the Family-Visit.

First, the family visit; crying and I miss you and I wanna win so badly. It seems pointless; it's a tug on the heartstrings for someone who's kinda heartless: me. Plus, what was the point? To show the designtestants their heritage? They don’t know their heritage? Who are these people and have they met their parents? So, why la familia, I do not know, except maybe to make the designtestants seem more likable, though it made the likable ones likable, and the unlikeable less so.

Still, I liked the idea that it was the create-your-own-textile using your heritage to create a pattern, and then use that textile to create a modern look. And I did like seeing Mondo--a Twitter follower of mine--back on the show; and since he won this challenge on his season, by creating the pattern to reflect his HIV+ status and free himself from that secret, this was perfect. For him.

For the designers, less so.....so let's rip......

ELENA

I'll say it: bipolar. One minute she is a raging curse-word-spewing longshoreman shrew and then she’s giggling like a lunatic off her meds, and this week she was crying non-stop. Oh, they were tears of joy, she said, but seriously, girl, get thee to a therapist. Or pick one mood and stick with it.

Her mama showed up and brought all sorts of pictures of Ukrainian Elena and Elena cried. And sobbed. And wept. And then, while explaining why she was crying, she wept some more. It was through the tears that she decided to create a pattern based on churches and, well, one look at it, and I realize Elena has never been near a church, because this mess looks like spilled paint on a wet carpet to me. But she loves it because, through her tears, she tells us so.

Last week she blasted Dmitry for always making dresses and he blasted her for always making coats, so this week she got the last laugh, sob, or curse word, by creating a jacket, not a coat, that looked a little like surgical scrubs.

When Carlos managed a veterinary hospital in Miami, he often wore scrubs to work so he could assist in surgeries, and I found a cool pair of scrubs with cats all over them. And that's what I got when Elena's outfit walked the runway. It was so similar that I ran to our closet to see if Carlos still had his Not Quite Hello Kitty Scrubs.

Elena dodged a bullet last night, but her outfit should have been shot.

FABIO

He got the cute boyfriend, kiss on the lips edit, and that was fine. But then he created a very abstract pattern that, when printed and laid out on the floor, he called the Penis-Vagina pattern. And it was.

There's a scene at the beginning of the movie, Maurice, where a group of English schoolboys draw a vagina in the sand at the beach, and that's what Fabio created; though he did add a penis and some fallopian tubes.

Maybe he thought this was the Gynecological Challenge. And maybe that's why he covered up his patterned fabric with organza. And that's maybe why he got a pass this week. His outfit was very simple, kind of a onesie jumper with a vest, and not all that creative.

Luckily there were far worse things parading down the catwalk last night.

CHRISTOPHER

He's mostly worried because he doesn't know his heritage, and, well, I’m just guessing here, but he looks a little Eastern European pasty faced chorus boy to me.

Which he translates to "ladybugs" because there were ladybugs at his Grandmother's funeral, and ladybugs are his family's thing. I was thinking he should go more ladyboy, but I don't know what pattern that might be. Thai? I dunno.

Christopher floundered all episode long. He couldn't work without his fabric and then he couldn't work with it. It was so awful--and so cheap-looking-bad-sofa fabric--that he ended up creating two dresses and picked the lesser of two evils to send down the runway.

His look was an odd shape and an even odder fit. And he, too, covered up his fabric with organza, though, unlike Fabio who covered his to tone down the color, Christopher covered his in the hopes no one would see it.

Heidi dubbed it "okay" and "fine" and reminded Christopher that "fine" doesn't win. Guest judge, and last season's winners, Anya, called it a prom dress--though she did like the fabric when seen without the organza mask. Nina said she most disappointed in Christopher, and when Nina's not happy, no one's happy. Mondo said Christopher didn't embrace the challenge, and Kors called it kitchen-y, or kitschy, or both.

Luckily for Christopher, Ven and Gunnar were still out there.

VEN

He is reunited with his sister and there was a How do you do and a brief handshake, followed by the exchange of dossiers about what's new with each of them. Seriously, I have never seen a more stoic family reunion. Oh, don't get me wrong, Ven's sister did reach up and pretend to wipe a tear away, but I think it was a half-hearted slap for doing all those Origami roses each week.

But, wait a second. No roses this week? Huh? Stop.The.Presses. Ven will not being doing roses this week because...he's....going......to do.......a.........hibiscus flower. Oh, Ven. Dear sweet shy, behemoth Ven. This has to stop.

And it screeches to a halt when Ven takes his hibiscus pattern, cuts it out, folds it, pleats it, and sews it to a simple white dress that Tim Gunn calls an "homage to a menstrual cycle."

And it was. As soon as the words left Tim's mouth I was all Bloody tampon, it’s a bloody maxipad! And Ven was crushed, and lost and defeated, but he rebounded by taking the folds and the pleats out of the hibiscus flower and then sewing them flat on the top of the dress while he created....oh dear god no.....another Origami Rose skirt.

Sonjia moaned, "Another fan effect," and I realized it was another Ven Effect.

As soon as his dress hit the runway I thought it looked cheap, and when they panned down to the Origami, Ven Effect, Rose skirt, I seriously wanted to punch my flatscreen. How can someone make the same design--and we got a montage of FIVE Origami Roses from Ven this season--and still be on the show? I was so disgusted by his dress that for one brief moment I wanted him to go before Gunnar.

Heidi called it Hawaiian airline hostess. Ouch. Kors called him a fabric florist. Ouch. Mondo said nothing worked. Ouch. Nina, oh I was hoping for a Nina-tervention, but all she could muster was that he didn't use the pattern well. Anya ended the session with the fact that Ven's outfit looked like three different dresses.

The judges were so miffed at Ven's rose-obsession that Heidi summoned Tim Gunn to the runway and asked if he'd ever told Ven to Knock it off! He had, but this week he was too sickened by the I Got My Period Effect.

I so wanted Ven to go. I’m over his monotone, monochromatic, fold, pleat, put a stamp on it and then brag about his signature look, that I wanted him out, but that wasn't happening because......

GUNNAR

This week started with Gunnar reminding us how "grueling" this has been because he needs to pick an outfit for each day and a mood to match. Is he a snarky, evil, Cruella DeVil knock-off, or is he the funny sensitive gay?

And we also got the obligatory I want to win pretty badly. Gunnar needs a new pair of boots....I wanna buy my mom a boob job....I have some things to do with this money when I win it.

Okay, first up, I think he misspoke; I think Gunnar needs a new pair of boobs and wants to buy boots for his Mom. Just sayin'.

In the workroom, listening to the challenge, Gunnar flashes back on the big statement Mondo made with his pattern, and then focuses only on that. He forgets about great design and just wants to have a moment, and make s statement. This won't end well...

See, Gunnar's "heritage" is bullying. Seriously. He keeps saying "bullying is my heritage and I keep saying SHADDUP!!! That's not a heritage. But he so wants to make an impact with his story that's all he can talk about.

And he turns his "heritage" of bullying into a kind of equestrian outfit, with his handmade pattern of skeletal hands trying to catch a bird.

Equestrian? Is he saying Mr. Ed used to bully him? or, with the birds, maybe Alfred Hitchcock? It makes no sense at all, but he's running with it; or running it into the ground.

His outfit--which was originally a long skirted equestrian look--appeared on the runway as a sad jacket with an obscure pattern, and a flouncy little skirt. Heidi dubbed it bizarre, while Kors called the pattern a sheet of Bird Postage stamps--I thought for a second he was gonna go bird dropping, but he pulled back. When Nina called it sad, Gunnar argued that it was his heritage; his sad heritage of bullying. he was so caught up into trying to have a Mondo Moment that he just feed up the whole thing. Anya said his dress made no sense; it was young; it was old; it was TJ Maxx.

Ouch. Talk about bullying.

Mondo called it chaotic, boxy and crafty.

And Auf'd.

MELISSA

She hooks up with her mama and they discuss their Polish heritage and family trees and bloodlines. I was getting an ooky feeling, especially when the design looked like arteries. I saw that Bodies exhibition when it was in Miami and all I could think was that Melissa would do a skin suit, with veins.

And I threw up a little in my mouth.

But her pattern turned out to be one of the best; and one of the worst to work. Even I know that when working with a pattern, you have to line it up at every seam, or it looks crooked and wonky. And Melissa did that. it was all polished, Polish, and sexy and, well, I’ll say, it looked like a Dmitry dress done up by Melissa.

Though she left the Goth out of it.

Kors loved that she stepped out of the box and took her morose, sad, black aesthetic uptown to Park Avenue, and Nina said she could see any number of women wearing it. Heidi--who doesn't like Melissa I think--harped about the wing sleeves, while Mondo thought the dress was smart but the styling, not so much. Anya echoed that the design needed to be pushed.
Perhaps by Dmitry?

SONJIA

She's Black, so part of her design will be black. And she's American so she'll go Red White & Blue, too.

I have a call in to the Literal Police and they're taking my statement.

But her pattern is kind of ethnic, and she's gonna make pants--always a dangerous proposition--and tells us she has to nail the crotch.

Oh, if I had a nickel for every time I said that!

And she had the same challenge as Melissa, making the pattern match up, especially at the crotch. And she did it, mostly by keeping the look simple. Wide-legged pants and simple top. I liked it all right--though I liked Melissa's better--but thought the pants were too stiff and too long.

Apparently, I was the only one because all the judges marveled at the great fit of the pant, though Kors did mention it could have gone horribly wrong, a la PacMan eating the crotch. Anya loved the details of the top, while Nina also liked the way the top draped in back. Mondo called it the most successful use of the pattern, and Kors said her attention to detail was perfect.

DMITRY

No family for Dmitry. he gets the friend visit, and a brief video of his father back in Belarus. But we do learn that his father is an artist and his grandfather was an artist and that Dmitry was a ballroom-dancer-cum-fashion-designer.

I didn't get the connection either. But, we do get Dmitry to promise No.More.Dresses. In fact, he tells us straight on, "Guess what people? I'm doing separates.....ooooooh!"

His pattern is based on either a Belarus ornament or a Belarus dress, because that's what he says. It looks a little cowhand kerchief to me, in fact, Carlos has a bandanna that very same pattern that he wears around his head when he works in the yard. So.....is Carlos from Belarus now?

I need to call his Mama. But I digress.

Dmitry took a risk by using his pattern only as a top, and then putting a jacket over it. But, and this is why he won, he created panels on the jacket that let you see the pattern through it, so it worked very well. Even though the pattern was the smallest part of the garment, it was what you noticed because of the cut-out.

Kors said he bested all the others in concept, design, execution and wearability, and said the jacket looked like a $1500 jacket. [Note to self: don't shop where Kors shops.] Mondo, while he loved the coat, wished that, since it was a print challenge, the print had been more prominent. Heidi called it crazy...good, and Anya called it super smart. Nina summed it all up by saying the jacket was so good because of the print.

Look at that. Me and Nina. GMTA.

And so Dmitry gets his win, for not doing a dress.

MY TAKE

Gunnar. All season, all episode long, you talk about winning and how you need this and how you want new boobs, or boots, or something, and yet when you get Auf'd you tell everyone it's okay because you're ready to go.

Good thing I ordered the bus to Delesuionalville for you.

Melissa is growing on me. I liked her non-Goth look this week.

Sonjia. I can't help bust stare at her lips. I mean, I have rarely done it, but even I apply lipstick better than that.

Dmitry. That's all.

Christopher. Now that Gunnar is gone you officially have the most annoying voice this season.

Ven. I am folding my hand into an Origami Bird just for you.

Elena. Just go. I get a nervous stomach trying to figure out which personality you'll be this week.

Fabio. Your boyfriend's cute and if you don't step it up, you'll be home soon.

What did YOU think?