PR 10 EP 10: Ain't That A High Kick In The Head?

This week begins with some people missing Gunnar and his fits of high-energy, and Christopher gloating that Gunnar's been Auf'd. And I was kinda glad, too, because my ears hurt from listening to Gunnar's hen-squawking-fingernails-on-a-chalkboard voice; but I guess I’d been so caught up in his annoying speech patterns, that I failed to notice Christopher’s high-pitched, breathy whiz-bang squeeeeeees. My ears will get no relief.

In the girl's apartment, Sonjia decides to recap the season’s winners for Melissa and Elena and proceeds to recite the names, finishing with, and she's Sitting.Right.There. "Elena's never won."

Ouch. But Elena says she'll rally. She'll pick new fabrics, she'll pick a new aesthetic; she'll pick a new mood--and I don't mean fabric store, though, judging from her choices this week, that might not have been a bad idea.

There is no catwalk regrouping as the designers head out on the streets of New York, and find themselves at Radio City Music Hall. Ooh. Ahh. And then they come down, front row center for a private high-kicking performance by the Rockettes. Hmm, what could this challenge be? Oops, there’s High-Kicking-Heidi, so I guess we’ll be doing a Rockettes costume this time around. Quelle surprise.

The designtestants are told that the winning design will be worn by the Rockettes “sometime in the future” and I think that means probably on a rehearsal day, because you know the Rockettes aren’t gonna commit to wearing something hideous and tacky, sight unseen. Still, it’s a big win, especially since immunity is off the table.

As the designers sit in Radio City and design their look—after mauling several Rockettes’ costumes that had been thoughtfully displayed—it was interesting how almost all of them thought they had this. Sonjia’s done this before! Dmitry knows ballroom! Melissa loves architecture! Elena’s made dance costumes! Christopher’s gay!

Let’s rip…..

FABIO

He wants sheer and shine, and goes straight for silvery sequins and, wait, gray sheer fabric? Gray? Is the dancer sickly? I didn’t get the gray. And he didn’t quite get the sequins, declaring them to “be a bitch” to Tim. Naturally, mild mannered, good boy Tim, replied, “Bitchslap the bitches.” Oh, Tim. Season One Tim would never have said “bitch.”

I kinda liked it.

And I really like Fabio. I’d thought at the beginning of the season that he was too personally wack-a-doo to make, but he’s grown on me, and he’s done some good things.

Like this costume. While it was silver and shiny, the gray sheer looked off-putting. But, even thought he sheets of silver sequins looked like sheets of armor, his costume moved. And the Rockettes, who often kick their legs over their heads, behind their back, and down to the floor, movement is good.

Fabio gets the lone Save this week, and I like that. But more than his costume, I like Fabio’s clothes. This week he kinda went Mad Magazine Spy V Spy, with the big black hat. I liked it, though I can’t see a designer making it to the tents whose own clothes are more exciting than their designs.

SONJIA

She loves making over-the-top costumes. Remember that.

See, this is the week that Sonjia melts down. She has a pattern of winning and melting, being safe, being in the Bottom, winning, and then melting. This week is a Melting Week. Even Tim says she looks "disabled" as she battles to create…something.

All she has is a feathered skirt. Feathers. FEATHERS! As a former showgirl, myself, I can attest that feathers don’t last onstage. And as a former stripper, I can tell you that feathers, flying off your costume and getting stuck to your legs, are not sexy. Just sayin’.

And so, of course, as Tim feels all the designers are missing the point, he gives them another $100 bucks and another 15 minutes at Mood, where Sonjia buys more, oh for the love of Dior, feathers.

In the end, she creates feathered booty shorts, for the Hen-House-Hooker look, I guess, and a sequined tight T, with feathered epaulets, for that Hen-House-Military look. It was less over-the-top, and more over my head and sh*tting on me as I watched it.

Damn birds.

Heidi says there was no “wow” and no “magic” in Sonjia’s creation. It was boxy. Bird boxy. Nina went straight to Turkey Fest, and said it looked like a Rockette couldn’t move in it. Both Nina and guest judge, Debra Messing, complained about using feathers because they just don’t last. Michael Kors dubbed it Disco Turkey, but lamented the lack of glamour and movement.

Sonjia goes Bottom Three, but there are far worse things to see.

ELENA

This week was Giggle Hysterically Elena. As opposed to Foul Mouth Elena or Nasty Bitch Elena or Weeping Elena. She has more moods than…..Mood. But, she tells us that she can do this, she can create a fabulous costume and use fabulous fabrics and….then she buys hideous fabrics and enough sequins to outfit the Village People for their In The Navy number. It’s crazy. She’s crazy. The dress is crazy.

But, we also get a glimpse of Too Much Wine Elena, who is nice and forgiving—she actually apologized to Dmitry and finally decided Ven was okay—and really should be drunk all the time.

Her dress was part cheerleader for Las Vegas High and part ice skater for Las Vegas On Ice, and part majorette for Las Vegas You Get The Picture. But Elena wanted to play the cheap seats, meaning she wanted the people in the back row to get the Full Ugly. And she worked it.

Kors called it, like I did, Las Vegas cheerleader, while Debra messing went straight for the jugular and called it “circus.” Nina called it a bad fabric choice, bad color, bad use of matching everything and, well, it was ridiculous. Heidi used cheesy—she wrote down “cheesy Las Vegas mall.” And when Heidi calls something too sparkly, IT’S.TOO.SPARKLY!!!

It was almost out, but, as we know in PR History, crazy trumps boring, and by boring I mean…..

VEN

Ven also had this challenge. The Rockettes' costumes are all about construction, and embellishment and he knows all about that. And he’s going to do an Origami Rose….uh oh. No roses this week, Ven. Yup, it’s like he actually has to become a new designer.

He loves the beading but buys no beads. He says he wants a loud fabric and buys pale blue. It’s like he doesn’t even listen to himself speak. His fabric, while sparkly, can’t be seen from a distance of more than ten feet, and the design…well, there isn’t any. It was a simple halter top, with a racer back, in blue. Oh. Wait. There was that sexy triangle of sheer in the center that brought the pizzazz to the runway.

I kid. This was a cocktail dress, chopped off and called a costume. And chopped badly, because Debra Messing pointed out the uneven, unfinished hem.

I don’t get Ven. When his look hit the runway, he says “It reads strong.” And I’m thinking I’m reading a different book, in a different time, on an altogether different topic.

Heidi liked the fabric—it sparkled—but said it had no design and was boring; which is, well, Ven. Kors, who dubbed him in his drag name, Origami Rose, called it a yawn, while Nina wanted more drama and we all know that PR Rule One is Never.Bore.Nina!. Debra Messing liked it, though—aside from the hem—and loved the simplicity. But simplicity onstage at Radio City Music Hall is no good.

And not worthy of a comeback. Without his pleating and his roses and his Ven technique of polished, sophistication, Ven finally gets Auf’d.

He was, and I have to say it, high-kicked to the curb, and I was happy about that.

MELISSA

Melissa is ambitious. She likes the Art Deco-ness of Radio City and decides to use that in her costume. And use hot pink—which I think is a mistake, unless you’re Susannah Hoff reuniting with the Bangles for an 80s tour—and then have eighteen separate pieces to make up your outfit is madness.

Plus, she didn’t buy enough glitz and we needs our glitz this week. Luckily she gets the Second Mood Trip and, with an assist of fifty bucks from Christopher—I’ll give him props for being nice—she buys some sequins and trims to bling it out.

But she gets so caught up in the bling that she starts running out of time and Ven, who has all the time in world because Boring finishes early, helps out. Which doesn’t help, because she busts the zipper, and runs from designer to designer in an effort to fix it; no luck, she must sew the model into the dress and glue on straps and finishes just as the model walks out of the workroom.

I’ll give her credit; her color choice is dramatic and can be seen from far away. That’s good and bad, because from far away Melissa notices that her color blocking effect has created a giant Number One on the front of the dress

We’re Number One! We’re Number One!

Um, no. No.

More like Number Three. While Heidi called it a showstopper, she didn’t like the #1 and didn’t like the fact that the dancers “bits” might be seen. Kors loved the drama—what queen doesn’t?—but felt it was yet another cocktail dress chopped down to costume. Nina thought Melissa’s hot pink was the most vibrant color, and loved the idea that it looked like modern take on a Cigarette Girl, but called it a “miss” in the end. Debra Messing called it confusing, and said the neckline—which Melissa had used before—was bad for a dancer.

I never knew Messing was a dancer. Huh.

But Melissa gores Top Three and gets saved.

DMITRY

He, too, has this in the bag because he was a ballroom dancer for many many years. Now, I’d assumed he wore the suit while dancing, but because he knows this challenge so well, maybe it was the All-Male Ballroom Dance-Off and he got to wear the gown.

Just sayin’.

His look was asymmetrical and modern and sexy and flirty. And finished. While he and Ven always seem to finish early, Dmitry’s looks always look finished.

I really think Dmitry needs to win. His clothes are always well-done. And his look this week was edgy, exciting and impeccably made. When it hit the catwalk I knew he had a winner, but then when the judges started talking—and when they went gaga over Christopher’s look—I thought he’d go second.

Big mistake. Huge. While, now that I hear them say it, it might be too sexy for the Rockettes—they are a family show kinda dance troupe, not like my old dance troupe, Boys Will Do Boys—I still thought it was the best made, perfect costume out there.

Heidi loved it; loved the used of midnight blue and black; and she loved the fringe. His dress moved even when the model didn’t; and it would look amazing from the cheap seats. Kors called it exciting, polished, impeccable, in other words, “totally Dmitry.” He said it was the only costume that you could tell who designed it when it walked. Nina loved the sexy movement and the glamour, while Debra Messing—spoilsport—brought up the “too sexy” business.

In the end, he missed it by thatmuch.

CHRISTOPHER

I’m growing annoyed with all the praise being heaped upon him for doing something really kid of average, with a bit of surprise. Plus, his annoying voice works this girl’s last nerve. And I always get tired of people who say they have to win this because they’ve given up so much and they really want this.

Like the other designers were just walking down the street and Tim and Heidi gunny-sacked ‘em into a van.

Christopher, and I’ll give him credit here, too, always seems to come up with a concept and follow it through. Except for one week, he knows what he’s doing and then does it. This week he was all New York Skyline dress, and, for a half-minute I thought it was a good idea. But then he picked silver and sheer and I knew it wouldn’t look goods from far away. Seriously, in the front row, this is a showstopper. The skyline working all the way around the dress was amazing, and the use of sequin stars, and he owes Tim Gunn muffin basket for that idea, was brilliant.

But in the cheap seats all you’d get is silver shortie dress. I think had he chosen a different color, like maybe Dmitry’s midnight blue, it might have been better. It would have shown better, and would have deserved the win.

I didn’t get the way the judges fell all over each other praising this look. The skirt was too short, and had no movement. The slit was so high that I thought we might get a glimpse of the model’s Lower East Side as she walked. It, to me, was good, not great, but Heidi loved the idea, and Nina loved the NYC skyline, and Kors loved the surprise of the Empire State Building on the back and Debra Messing called it celebratory.

Um, this isn’t the New York Challenge. Did you not see how the zipper bulged? Did you not see the sheer fabric puckering? Dmitry’s look—okay, sexy—was flaw.less. Christopher’s was kitschy and cute and how it won, well, I don’t know.

From the back row, I no likee.

MY TAKE

Okay, um, if this was a challenge to create a costume for the Rockettes, why weren’t the Rockettes helping to judge? I mean, they might have given some input on which dress was better for stage and performance and maybe, just maybe, Skyline wouldn’t have won.

I like Messing—not as much as Christopher, whose Gay Score just skyrocketed thanks to Debra Messing—but what does she know from dance costumes?

Dmitry should have won.

That’s all. Though, um, next week? Babies? Project Crawlway?

What did YOU think?