I Ain't One To Gossip, But ....

It seems like we go about a month or so without any Lindsay Lohan stories, and then, well, she probably gets all mad that she's not being discussed, or disgusted, and goes all drunk and jewel thief and stuff to get her name back out there.You just know Mama Dina taught her right: all publicity is good publicity. So, here's some more Original Recipe Lohan™:

It seems that when Lindsay was filming the sure-to-be craptratsic Liz & Dick for Lifetime, the production team borrowed Elizabeth Taylor’s actual trailer that was, ALLEGEDLY, specifically built for her hen she filmed Cleopatra in 1963.

Wait. They gave Lindsay a fifty-year-old trailer and that's supposed to be a good thing?

Anyway.....a fan of Elizabeth Taylor bought the trailer for $50,000, but as part of the sale,  she had to lend it to the Lifetime production for a week so they could use it for filming, but when the trailer was returned, it had been Lohan-ed, er, trashed.

Fox Studios spent some $75,000 in 1963--about a half a million in 2012 bucks--to create a suitable place for Taylor to shag Richard Burton while filming Cleopatra. It had actual columns inside, and the walls and ceilings were hand-painted in the style of Cleopatra’s era. But, Angel Alger, the Taylor fan, who bought the 38-foot pink travel trailer for $50,000--her life savings--back in June, says she only had two days to enjoy it before it was delivered to Silver Screen Pictures. 

“I was specifically told that it would come back in pristine condition and in even better condition than it was at that time,” Alger said. But then Lohan got hold of it, and when Alger saw it again in July, she was devastated to see damage she estimated to be at least $100,000. There are cigarette burns on fabric, furniture and even a portrait of Taylor. Some dishes, a mirror, and glasses were broken, but what’s worse, is that an antique European rocking chair that Taylor sat in after filming every night is missing.

Criminal say what? Something that was left in a room with Sticky Fingers Lohan went missing? You don’t say! So who trashed Taylor’s trailer?

“Only a psychotic and rebellious person...would steal irreplaceable museum belongings and leave it in this vandalized condition,” Alger said. Sounds like Lohan, no? And Alger suspects Lohan because a studio employee told her the cracktress and her mob used it every night after filming, though she says she cannot prove it was Original Recipe Lohan™.

Lohan’s publicist said there was no way Lohan, who he said worshiped Taylor, would ever destroy anything connected to her. You know, like Lindsay wouldn't steal a necklace, but did, like Lindsay wouldn't drive drunk, but did, like Lindsay doesn't do drugs, but does.

Like Lindsay.

And there's more on Lohan.

Remember last week when I told you she was booted from the Chateau Marmont for not paying her room bill, and her cigarette bill, and her liquor bill, and her Bill bill--he's a male escort who may, or may not, have schtupped Miss Lohan.

Okay, I may have embellished that last part.

Anyway, Lindsay, who never met a lie she didn't want to tell--seriously, Mitt almost considered her for Veep because she can spin a tale--is saying now that, in her cracktress head, she thought the producers of her sure-to-be craptastic Lifetime movie, Liz Loves Dick, or something, were going to pay her bill, because she was filming their "movie" at the time.

Lindsay says she was shocked to learn there was an outstanding 5-figure bill in her name, and just as cracked out to find she'd been banned from the hotel when the bill went unpaid. She says she is speaking to the producers and if they don't pay the bill, well, she'll happily do so.

In cigarette butts and empty vodka bottles, I’m guessing.

Only now sources--Hey Dina! How's the chardonnay?--are saying the production NEVER promised to foot the bill, though they did give Lindsay a one-time only, $5,000 advance against her salary in late May so she could move into the hotel, but that was it.

Five-thousand barely covers her cig bill.

So....more Lohan....in an apparent effort to pay the hotel bill, not to mention her round-the-clock attorney and publicist fees, and the astronomical bill for Dina's boxes of wine, rumor has it that Lindsay is now kind of an international call girl.

Hooker, people, hooker.

People are saying that Lohan wants a sugar daddy, and fast, because her bills are mounting and, well, when she gets a check it goes right to booze and cigarettes. So, Lohan has been desperately searching for a “rich older man” to help her maintain her lifestyle after being dumped by her most recent boyfriend, billionaire hotel mogul, and married man, Vikram Chatawal.

A source--Hey Dina! You want some peanut-butter-crackers to go with that wine?--says, “Lindsay got used to living and spending like a big-time movie star, and Vikram helped her keep that lifestyle going. But on her own, Lindsay doesn’t have that kind of money, and she still spends thousands on hair extensions, and several thousand on makeup, fillers and Botox injections and new lips. She’s also a compulsive online shopper.”

See, while Lindsay does make a rather comfortable living--though not at all what she thinks she makes--she spends far more than she earns. Add to that all those legal fees Lindsay incurs every other week when she gets arrested, or even just called in for questioning because someone's iPhone was stolen.

Without a deep-pockets boyfriend, Lindsay is headed for the poorhouse.

Or, well, you knew I'd go there, the whorehouse.

Enough about Lohan; there are other crazy celebs out there to talk about.

Take LeAnn Rimes for example.

LeAnn Rimes was married to an ambiguously gay man when she went away to Canada to film a movie with Eddie Cibrian. The two began schtupping and Eddie dumped his wife and baby-mama and LeAnn dumped her dancer-turned-chef husband.

And began a new obsession with Twitter which apparently lead to her recent announcement that she was seeking treatment for anxiety and stress because she Twit-Fights with strangers all the time and it's just too much.

Now Team LeAnn is trying to spin the story of her trip to Stress Rehab by saying that, maybe, she was being cyberbullied in the Twittersphere. And then came word that LeAnn's team of lawyers--sidenote: being a lawyer for a celeb must be a full time job--was “gearing up to sue the scumbags behind the illegal activity.”

The illegal activity in question is the recording of LeAnn’s phone call to Kimberly Smiley--a call that all parties seem to agree that LeAnn initiated. The lawyers say that LeAnn has been “victimized by a gang of cyber-bullies who have been terrorizing her on Twitter ever since she hooked up with Eddie Cibrian." And so, dim-bulb LeAnn chose to actually call one of the ALLEGED bullies, who, well, recorded the conversation and then spread it around the web for everyone's enjoyment.

LeAnn filed suit for invasion of privacy against Kimberly Smiley and Lexi Smiley claiming that they are “supporters of Brandi Glanville--LeAnn's husband's ex-wife--who “illegally taped a conversation with her and then spread it across the Internet.” 

The suit further claims that LeAnn only called Smiley “in an attempt to stop the negative" activity and that she "attempted to be kind and said she wanted peace.” 

Um, LeAnn? Honey? Nutbag? Start by getting off Twitter, m'kay?

Turn the computer off and have a sammich.

So, Heidi and Seal. I always thought those two crazy kids could make a go of it but they didn't. And now Heidi is seeking full custody of their children because Seal, well, apparently dates now, and used photos of the SealKlum kids in a commercial. Heidi wasn't pleased because she wanted to pimp the kids, probably in Project Runway.

And so Seal, who, I guess, wants joint custody, is spilling some secrets about the marriage now, in an effort to get back at her. He says they divorced because Heidi was cheating with her bodyguard, Martin Kristen, and Seal says he believes Heidi was sleeping with him during their marriage: or, he just wants us to think it.

Seal said: “You know, that’s what happens when people separate. They move on, and that generally means other people in their lives. I certainly don’t expect Heidi to all of a sudden become a nun, but as always, my main priority is the emotional well-being of our children. And to be quite honest, if there is going to be someone else in their lives, I’d much rather it be a familiar face. I guess the only thing that I would have preferred [was] that Heidi would have shown a little more class and at least wait until we separated first before deciding to fornicate with the help."

Ouch. But now he's singing a different tune, telling his friends that the idea  that Heidi Klum cheated on him during their marriage is absolutely false, and, of course, Heidi is maintaining that her relationship with the bodyguard was “strictly professional” while she was with Seal. Now, however, they are ALLEGEDLY “very close.”

She says, of the relationship, “It’s complicated....

Meaning it stars Meryl Streep, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin?

"....This has been a difficult time."

But, this makes it even weirder. Though Seal was on-camera, speaking to a TMZ reporter when saying Heidi was "fornicating" with the help while they were married, now he says he didn't mean to "imply" such a thing.

Honey that was no implication.

And now Heidi will speak:

“I cherish all of the great memories Seal and I created together over the years. Our separation was based on issues between the two of us. Seal has moved on and so have I. My priority has and continues to be protecting and providing for our children.”

But, um, she is dating Martin now.

Not Steve Martin, co-star of "It's Complicated," but bodyguard, Martin Kristen.

Gosh, it is complicated.

I didn't see the interview Rihanna did with Oprah because I loathe O, and I'm not really a fan of Rihanna. But bits and pieces of it invaded the ether around my head and I saw her acting all sweetness and light, and just a plain old island girl who made it big.

Headed.

Rihanna’s been in Europe lately working on her fashion line--hold for laughter because, have you seen how she dresses? Hookers have better taste of on-the-job apparel. Of course, it'll sell, but will also be ultra-trashy, like Rihanna.

Anyway, since Rihanna isn't an all-work-and-no-play girl, she's been making the nightclub scene around London, and, well, just basically making a scene.

It seems Boozehanna sparked fresh fears over her hard-partying lifestyle last week after clashing with bouncers at London’s Rose Club. In front of 300 onlookers, Boozehanna was removed from the club by doormen after jumping on a table in her thigh-high snakeskin boots--Again, she has a fashion line?--and wrecking it, sending glasses flying everywhere; a little like that Drake and Chris Brown nightclub brawl over Boozehanna a few months back. 

One clubgoer said, "They were trying to eject her when her girlfriends starting screaming, ‘That’s Rihanna, you idiots!’

And Rihanna was scuffling with the bounders and telling them to get off her: 

 “Don’t you know who I am?” she shrieked as doormen tossed her ass outside.

"Yes," they said, "a drunken tart."

Okay, that last part was my imagination.

After nearly tossing her drunken ass to the curb, they finally recognized that she was a pop star and not a call girl. The club manager ordered free drinks for the table. 

And a new table, of course.

Last week we heard about Kelsey Grammer and how he will never mention his ex-wife's--and mother to two of his children--name again. He won't mention how she stayed with him for thirteen years and saw him through rehab and off the booze and drugs just so he could start f**king around on her and then play all victim-y and ask for a divorce.

You know, so he could marry his future ex-wife, Kayte Something-Or-Other.

And he was granted a quickie, bifurcated divorce, which means the divorce is granted before the money part is all settled. Which worked out good, because then Kelsey could marry his already pregnant mistress.

Did I mention he's a staunch Redumblican? This explains the boozing and drugging and screwing around, all with a holier-than-thou attitude.

But, anyway, now the financials are all in and Kelsey's ex, Camille, will be pocketing $30 million bucks, plus their house, er, mansion, in Malibu, which she is selling.

I say good for her.

Sere, when Kelsey married Camille all those years ago, before rehab and cheating, he was actually broke. I think all the Cheers money and the early Frasier money went up his nose and not into a bank. But at the time of their divorce, the couple was worth some $60 million and Camille will get half.

Still there are some who say the massive settlement may not be to Camille’s liking because she was, ALLEGEDLY, offered $30 million a couple of years ago and turned it down, hoping to hit the $50 million mark.

Still, there really isn't much of a difference between $30 mil and $50 mil, and, well, the news gets better, in the revenge sense. See, Kelsey and Camille had no prenup, and Kelsey, who apparently never learns a lesson, has no prenup with Wife #4.

So, figure, with his track record, that once he gets his fortune back up to $60 million, it'll be time for another divorce.

Karma is a bitch. So is Kelsey.