I Ain't One To Gossip, But ....

So, we’re still on Katie Holmes and the massive child support payments Tommy Grrl will be making so Little Suri will grow up spoiled beyond words. I mean, his child support payments total out at more than $1,000 a day, and that doesn’t include Suri’s education costs, up to and including college, or all of her medical bills.

They say Katie made out like a bandit, though she will not receive any alimony; some folks say there was a lump sum payoff for six years of duty, or hush money.

Po-tay-toe. Po-tah-toe.

But, let’s not feel sorry for poor little rich ex, Katie Holmes. It seems Katie is keeping all of the things she purchased while bearded to Tom…ALLEGEDLY bearded, I mean. It seems Katie never met a shop or sale she didn’t want to drop a lot of Tom’s money at; they say she spent some $200,000 at Barneys in one year, and then shelling out some $43,000 in spa treatments as well. Legend has it that Katie Holmes spent $14 million….yes, million….over a six month period that she and Tommy lived in New York.

Now, I know NYC is expensive, but, come on!

A source—and you know it’s Tommy trying to paint a better portrait of himself—says, “Tom was extremely generous to Katie with lavish gifts during their marriage and she will be keeping millions of dollars of jewelry, Hermes handbags and other luxurious items. Tom gave Katie diamond earrings as a birthday gift one year that easily cost over $500k and he had custom design pieces made for her. Under terms of the divorce, Katie is keeping all of the jewelry, handbags, accessories, and designer clothing. What she does with it is up to her. For the time being, the jewels are being kept in a very safe place and knowing Katie, it’s likely she will one day give them to Suri once she is old enough.

Wow. Most people who get out of prison get their old suits back and bus fare. Katie did good!

ALLEGEDLY.

Okay, so Al Roker doesn’t like Matt Lauer; he even made an on-air joke about Lauer throwing people….Ann Curry….under the bus. But, it seems like Al isn’t alone in Loathing Lauer.

A lot of other people at The Today Show can’t stand the balding Lothario either and think he’s dragging the show down, but throwing other people…Ann Curry…under the bus to protect his ass.

A source—and it’s either Ann Curry or Katie Couric, cuz Katie can hold a grudge—says, “Staffers and producers at the TODAY show hold Matt Lauer responsible for the continued decline in the ratings because they hold him responsible for Ann Curry being fired. The staff wants Ann to be brought back and want Matt replaced with Lester Holt, but they know the odds of this happening are slim to none, because executives at the network have no interaction whatsoever with the TODAY show staff.”

It seems “The People” at Today liked Ann a great deal, and like Lester a lot, too, and would love to have that duo in the anchor chairs while Matt kinda goes away and no one at all wonders where in the world he is….

But Matt has a new team to defend him in the fight as Today struggles for ratings against the increasingly popular Good Morning America; he’s got Savannah Guthrie, and ALLEGED ex-mistress, Natalie Morale on his team. In fact, the three have been dubbed—probably by themselves—as the Three Musketeers. They often go to press movie screenings and can often be found in Matt’s office discussing stories and just goofing off.

Matt has a very adoring female fan club in Natalie and Savannah and he ALLEGED likes him women adoring him.

Truth be known, though, if things don’t improve, the Three Musketeers will become one, and the ladies will be axed.

I mean, ain't that how Lauer rolls?

I loathe Kelsey Grammer almost as much as I loathe Oprah Winfrey, so the idea of Grammer talking to the Big O just ails me no end. See, both Grammer and O like to rewrite their histories to make themselves seem better, more personable, more human and less rich, formerly drug addicted bitch….Oh, did I say that out loud?....than they actually are.

During the interview with O, Grammer repeatedly trashed his ex-wife Camille, the one who helped him through rehab so he could finally kick his addictions, and then stayed home to raise their two children while he went off to New York to be in a play and screw around on his wife with a stewardess.

In fact, Kelsey admits to cheating on Camille—and apparently during the interview he won’t even deign to say her name—a full six months before he bothered to break the news to her. And remember, this is the same Kelsey Grammer who encouraged his wife to take a part in The Real housewives of Beverly Hills so she wouldn’t be able to go with him to NYC while he fucked around.

In fact, the loving father now says his thirteen year marriage to, um, whats-her-name, was over before it even started: “I stayed because I’m a stubborn cuss. I was not in it, or happy in it for a long time. It was pretty much over as soon as it began.”

And then they had two children by surrogate after he knew it was over.

Lovely.

He then said, of Camille, “She always wanted to be famous. I did believe that I owed something to that person…”

Let’s stop. In an interview with Oprah you call the mother of your children “that person”? What a fuck.

“….that I owed fame, because,” he says dripping with sarcasm, “she’d given up so much to endure this life with me.”

Like see your drug-addicted ass through rehab.

Camille, for her part, can say her ex-husband’s name: “I wish Kelsey no ill will and I have moved on.”

Original recipe News.

Okay, so y’all remember last week when we learned that Jewel Thief Lindsay Lohan may have robbed a friend’s house while she stayed the night there. Or, if she didn’t actually pull the heist, she let the thieves in when everyone else was asleep.

That next morning ALLEEGDLY more than $100,000 in watches and jewelry was missing.

The homeowner called the cops and kept everyone in the house—including Lohan—to be questioned. Apparently they believe that Lindsay let two “friends” “friends” into the party and they stole the goods, but, c’mon, the last time she stole a necklace she put it on and just walked out of the store wearing it.

You know Lohan is the ringleader.

Lindsay kinda blew off the police—who consider her a “person of interest” not to be confused with an “interesting person”—but Lohan jetted off to the Big Apple, ALLEGEDLY to fence the ice and Tweet about how people make up stuff about her.

Lindsay’s drunk-most-of-the-time daddy, Michael Lohan, came to, and then came to Lindsay’s defense, saying the homeowner had recanted. It seemed like maybe the story was made up, except…..

Police now consider Lohan less a “person of interest” and more of a “suspect”. Law enforcement say that Lohan and her assistant, Gavin Doyle, who tried covering for her when she rear-ended the truck a few months back, are both suspects in the theft.

And, apparently it is true that the homeowner now recants the story and says nothing was stolen, but LAPD are not closing out the investigation because they believe they have independent witnesses who can finger Lindsay and Gavin as the thieves.

And Lindsay does love to be fingered, or so I’ve heard.

This could be a bad thing for Jailbird Lohan because she’s still on probation for that other jewel heist. This could mean more jail time for Lohan.

But that’s not all…..

A second police department, this one in Santa Monica, wants a little sit-down with Lohan to see if she committed a crime by lying to cops about that car crash in June.

Sources say Lindsay lied to cops when she told them she was NOT the driver, but a passenger, and now police believe she was at the wheel. Lying to the police, especially for a jailbird on probation like Lohan, could mean up to a year in jail.

Or, in Lohan time, about forty-five minutes.

But wait, there’s more:

Now Lindsay is claiming she was framed in that house party robbery last month.

And, get this, she’s playing The black guy did it card.

Lohan has been telling friends—and by friends I mean the guy who sells her prescription drugs on La Cienega, and any number of bartenders who’ve helped wash the puke ]out of Lohan’s hair from a night out—that the real culprit is Andrew knight, who claims to be Suge Knight’s son.

Trouble is, no one believes Lindsay. Quelle surprise.

So, Lohan is now an official suspect in the jewel theft, which occurred at the lavish home of Sam Magid, a former good friend of the cracktress. Magid told police that he’d spoken to two of Lindsay’s “friends” and they said the night of the theft Lindsay Lohan handed them a bag with 2 or 3 pieces of the stolen items wrapped in her t-shirt.

Those two men say they gave the stuff back to Magid, but other items are still missing.

Magid also says Lohan told him that she’d hidden some of the other items around the house because she was afraid they would be stolen by burglars. Uh huh.

That makes no sense, but then Magid also told police that Lohan said she was high on Ambien during the theft and was hazy about what actually happened.

Lohan. Ambien, Hazy. Jewel thief.

That kinda makes sense.

But now Lindsay claims Knight is the real culprit, something Knight strongly denies.

Hmm, who to believe, the woman who was arrested and charged and basically found guilty of jewel theft, or the black guy?

And since we’ve had a couple of Lohan reports, let’s rehash some Douchebag Kelsey Grammer, for things he said in an interview with Hello magazine.

When asked about his new wife giving birth to his fifth child, Grammer says fatherhood is different this time around: “Of course, it’s always a fantastic experience to become a father. But—and I’m trying to say this without hurting my other children—this is the first time that I’ve been with someone who actually wanted to have children with me. Obviously I’ve been married and had children before, but this is the first time that a marvelous young woman has come into my life and said, ‘I’d love to be your wife and have your children.’ So being in the marriage I’m now in, and being part of the family I’m now part of, is a uniquely loving experience for me. It’s wonderful.”

Wow. I’d hate to read what he says when he wants to hurt his children. But then he goes on to rave about the woman he was f**king the last six months of his last marriage: “Kayte is very different from anyone I have ever been involved with, partly because she’s English….The big thing that I found initially interesting about her was that there was a sort of worldliness that she had that I wasn’t accustomed to, having married only American girls before. These were American girls who’d had interesting jobs—one of them was a stripper—but Kayte used to be a flight attendant and through knowing her I’ve gained a lot of respect for people in her profession. She has flown all over the world and dealt with people from all sorts of different cultures, which has given her a kind of refinement and sophistication, which I enjoy immensely.”

The kind of refinement one gets from asking if anyone would like a pillow as opposed to someone asking if you’d like a lap dance.

Seriously, Kelsey Grammer is a dick.

He can’t talk about how happy he is not without denigrating his ex-wife, Camille, or the other ex-wives—he’s been married four times—in his life.

What happens when Kelsey tires of the flight attendant? How will he move on? Maybe there’s a cute little barista at Starbucks who’d be all worldly and want to have his kids and then he can bash Kayte like he does all his ex-wives.

Again. Dick.

So, this should be good.

Demi Moore has ALLEGEDLY received a $2 million advance from Harper Collins for a memoir, which will either focus on her coming to terms with her stormy relationship with her mother, or more likely, focus on her relationship with her son, er, husband, Ashton Kutcher.

The actress, who split from Ashton Kutcher in November 2011 after seven years of marriage and a great deal of cheating, LALLEGEDLY met with publishers to personally pitch the book, which isn’t a memoir, but rather a specific story about her marriage to Kutcher, which, she says, left her depressed and angry after he repeatedly cheated on her.

Hell hath no fury, y’all.

An insider—and by inside I’m guessing it’s one of her fame-hungry daughters—says, “We already had a great book outline from her in which she said she would write about overcoming her alcohol and cocaine addictions. Now she’s going to blow the lid on her six-year marriage to Ashton, so what would have been a best-selling book is going to become a blockbuster! She’s planning to spill all the juicy details on her addictions, her meltdown and her marriages.”

Moore is apparently exhilarated to be writing the book—and cashing that check because, let’s face it, the career isn’t so hot these days—but her grown-up daughters are decidedly less excited: “Demi’s daughters hate the idea—they don’t want their lives laid bare to whole world.”

Unless they get a piece of the action, no doubt.

It’s either a good week for Lohan, or a bad week.

Oh, who am I kidding, Lindsay loves seeing her name in headlines, whether it;’s to say she’s starring in some cheesy Lifteime flick or been arrested. Agaian.

This time, the story is how Lindsay Lohan has been banded from the Cateau Marmont in Hollywood because she didn’t pay her bills.

And this is big, because the Chateau Marmont is Lindsay’;s favorite place to pass out, or plan her next jewel heist.

But serriosuly folks, Lindsay has been disinvited from the Chateau Marmont after failing to pay the $46,350.04 she owes.

Lohan, who has frequently been spotted partying at the hotel's ritzy bar, or sleeping it off under the bar, had been living at the hotel in June and Huly and racked up quite the impressive bill over the course of two months.

A good bit of whiuch wenet to booze. Not a good sign for an alcohol abuser.

According to an itemized bill Lohan was charged for $3,145.07 in minibar expenses over her 47-day stay, with the highest day being a $502.43 1^st of July. Other charges include $686 for cigarettes, a $100 Chateau candle and a one-time $386.50 laundry charge on June 23.

I ain’t even gonna guess what she needed cleaned.

Lohan was ordered to remove all of her belongings by noon on August 1 and then was effectively banned from the property.

Lohan. Lohan. Lohan.

Who’s gonna oput you up now, and handle your exorbitant booze and ciggies bill?