PR10EP8: A Team Challenge Is The REAL Challenge

So, last week no one goes home and this week begins with Christopher—last week’s winner—whining in those oh-so-hushed tones that no one was Auf’d, because, you know, Gunnar was on the Bottom—where Christopher would probably like him—and he should have gone home. I mean, it’s hard for Christopher to work with his Lover-Hater right across the room in two-toned hair.

On the runway, Heidi mysteriously asks the designers about their “negotiating” talents and suddenly I’m all ♫♪ Priceline Negotiator♪♫ and thinking this might be the long-awaited William Shatner challenge. Sadly, it is not. The designers head to the workroom-playroom where they are told by Tim that this will be another team challenge…..

Screeeeeeeeeeeeech

Heads explode.

Gunnar cannot work with Christopher because he hates/loves/wants to wear Christopher’s skin as a head wrap, and because, wait for it, he cannot stand Christopher’s voice.

Wha…..head snap…..at the —?

Now, Christopher does have that squishy soft-spoken voice, in that Girl I got something to tell you kind of way, but at least his voice doesn’t make kitten’s ears bleed. Gunnar.

And so, big surprise, Gunnar is on the same team as Christopher. There will either be blood, or there will be an arrest at Mood for lewd behavior in the Discarded Fabric Bin. Oh, yeah, and Sonjia is on Drama Queen Team, too.

Dmitry trembles because he cannot work with Elena again, so, again big surprise, Elena and Dmitry get paired up with Is-she-still-here Alicia. Melissa and Ven and Fabio form the last team in the bunch and Fabio reminds us that they have all won a challenge so they are the team to beat.

Ominous drumming.

Tim then tells the designtestants that they have three hours and all the crayons they can use to turn t-shirts, totes and scraps into something they can panhandle to New Yorkers. Tim says they can sell anything and, well, I know Gunnar is thinking of positioning himself in an alley somewhere and offering, um, “fashion” advice from an I’m-on-my-knees position.

And the kicker is that all the money they raise is all the money they get to spend at Mood for the as-yet-unnamed challenge. It could have been a d-i-saster, but all the teams managed to cop some big dough, with Team Melissa-Ven-Fabio earning $800.48, while Team Christopher-Hey Lover-Sonjia earns $648 and Team Dmitry-Alicia-Elena brings up the rear with a still respectable $500. That was probably due to Elena hawking their “crappy” t-shirts; I mean, a New Yorker saying, “Ooh gimme one of those crappy T’s for twenty bucks” is akin to a Smallvillian saying “Ooh gimme that double wide for twenty bucks.”

It doesn’t happen. Doublewides are easily ten dollars down here.

After the teams return with their cash, Tim says they must stay in teams to create two fall looks, one of which must include outerwear. This sparks a minute of happiness because they all love fall and they all love outerwear and this is anyone’s challenge and blah blah blah.

So, let’s get the teams together and rip…..

Christopher-Gunnar-Sonjia:

I was expecting train wreck and man sex with Christopher and Gunnar. I mean, it would either be bitchfight or same-sex wedding this week, but the biggest surprise was that they all worked together very well. I mean, we knew Sonjia could get along with those two girls, but to see Christopher and Gunnar actually play nice was shocking and kind of boring. [Thank the goddesses for Dmitry and Elena.]

Sonjia’s coat was just gorgeous. So well-made and so nice to see her pull herself up after last week’s meltdown and the near Aufing two weeks back. Her jacket was very cool very chic, very urban, well tailored and expensive looking; plus the giant scarf—and kudos this week to Christopher for leaving his scarf back at Atlas as an area rug—by Gunnar was a nice touch.

Speaking of Gunnar, he started off all nice and complimentary, but then got his big hair in a French twist because he thought Christopher’s trench coat and Sonjia’s jacket were not the showstoppers they’d planned. Luckily for us, he said, his dresses were so fantastic that they would steal the show.

And, because he made two dresses all by his lonesome, Gunnar was the clear winner last night. Well, that is to say that’s what played on the cartoon laden loop in his head. His first dress, worn under Sonjia’s coat was a throwaway. Nice, but nothing spectacular. The second dress, under Christopher’s trench coat—and I’ll get to that hot mess—was much better. The leather panel in front was figure flattering, and I liked the longer length. What I didn’t like were the long leather sleeves that rode down over the model’s hands into fingerless gloves. It looked a little too “I don’t wanna get embalming fluid on my dress” to me.

Now, Christopher. The judges loved his camel trench, but I found it ill-fitting and odd. And, is it me, or are sleeves on a coat something that should never be an option? Plus the asymmetrical hem made it look like it was being worn incorrectly, and it kinda bunched up along the model’s breastial region. It just seemed too…..too. But Nina thought it would photograph well, while I though car wrecks photograph well, too, but I don’t wanna see ‘em in Marie Claire.

Kors thought their collection was luxe and expensive, while Heidi must have Sonjia’s jacket, and liked that Gunnar redeemed himself after last week’s mess. Guest judge Anna Sui mostly focused on how well they all worked together and how that shows in the designs.

Suddenly we have a PR Lifecoach? Who knew?

When asked who should win the challenge there was only one real surprise. Christopher said Gunnar should win. Either Gunnar’s really good at the back alley man-loving, or Christopher worries about the next team challenge. Gunnar, naturally, returned the favor by saying that his dresses were the best thing ever, if that didn’t make him sound “pugnacious.”

I would say that it appears Gunnar has been reading the dictionary, except that pugnacious means: inclined to quarrel or fight; quarrelsome; belligerent. Now, it’s true, he is pugnacious, but not tonight. Tonight he was nice, and, well, not pugnacious.

Sonjia said she should win, and the judges agreed. So, if she plays true to form, she’ll go Bottom Three next week, and then nearly be Auf’d after that before she gets good again.

Dmitry-Elena-Alicia: 

The war of the accents, but first, the clothes.

Elena’s coat was, as usual, bulky and oh so unflattering, while Dmitry’s dress was very nice as they always are week after week after week after…..though the shawl seemed like a afterthought. A bad, Look what Granny left on the couch afterthought. And then we have Alicia. Alicia. Alicia. She said that after being at the bottom she needed to create something dope, but she made something that looked like she’d been smoking dope and then found fabrics and a Singer to play with. Sad, So sad, Lackluster. And she’s just, “Well, I could have used more time but if I have to go well I have to go.”

A Lesbian with no backbone. Who knew?

But enough about their designs, the real show was The Dmitry and Elena Smackdown. They sound like an old married couple arguing over the remote. Dmitry calls her a witch and asks for a Silver Bullet and a Stick, when everyone knows all you need is a girl from Kansas and a bucket of water.

But Elena, oh, Elena. Making fun of Dmitry’s accent when you sound exactly like him! Someone needs to record her voice so she can hear herself. “I no like his style. Always same ting, every week. Fuck him.”

At the critique, Elena, ever the team player, refuses to speak, until she gets criticized. Then it’s on. “Dmitry made one whole look! Alicia made one whole look! Elena get one coat!”

Um, one bad coat, dear. And she calls out Dmitry for always making a dress and then Nina says, “Oh Elena, you stupid stupid bitch. [Okay, maybe I said that.} But you always make a voluminous coat.”

Then Kors joins the Stomp Elena Show and calls her the Queen of Tailoring, causing Elena to snap, “I never said that!” Well, Kors, a bitchy queen if there ever was one, says, “Well, when you say you make all these coats you’re saying you are a great tailor.”

 But he saves the best barb for behind her back when he says the coat looked like she sewed it with her feet! Yeow!

Anna Sui picks them apart for not playing together well, and saying that Elena’s anger showed in the coat. And she was right. That coat looked like it could form a gang and actually Auf all the other designers one by one.

Alicia gets called out for making a nice pant, and a stupid shirt, that are really just nothing and don’t seem to fit into the rest of the looks. It’s boring. The shirt had some weird seam along the front that served no purpose in style or utilitarianism—which we all know the Lesbians like. And when Alicia trotted out the tired “not enough time” excuse which, really, no one believes, I knew it was over.

Alicia was finally Auf’d. A week too late, if you ask me. But judging from her runway outfit, there is a job for her at a midtown garage as a mechanic.

Just sayin’.

Fabio-Melissa-Ven: 

Man, they made the most money on the streets but their collection looked like it was made from scraps left over from other challenges. Fleshy pink and white and gray doesn’t not say Fall. It says Nina will eviscerate you.

This team was all sweetness and light and just love, which made their mini-collection all fluff and no substance. While the judges praised Melissa’s Little Leather Coat—and the two leather clutches she made—they slammed her pants because, well, the penis was missing from the crotch. I mean, there was enough room in that crotch for John Holmes to show his wares. [Google him, youngsters.] Woman’s pants do not need penis room. Even I know that.

Fabio’s housecoat was just sad and limp and a really bad color. It gave the impression that it was dry clean only and someone threw it in the washer, and Kors said that all that was missing was a wad of Kleenex in the pocket. His shirts didn’t work, either; tight and sheer and uneven and, seriously, those colors?

And what about Ven? Well, he made yet another Origami folded patterned skirt—Sidenote: Why are so many of this year’s designers so one-note?—and then sat back and watched while Tim said it didn’t seem to fit with the rest of the mini-collection, So, Origami got nixed, and Ven made a tablecloth in gray, cut a hole in it, and threw it over the model. Oh, but he did.

They got called out for being Team Too Nice and not challenging one another. Like, you know, saying, Fabio! WTF is that coat!?! Or, Melissa? WTF is wrong with those pants?!? Or, Ven? Where did you find Nana’s skirt?!?!

PS Why, oh, why did they put socks on the model in Granny's skirt? Does that say high fashion, or does it say Bad Circulation?

Ven thought Fabio should go, while Fabio thought Ven should go because he likes Melissa better, and Melissa threw her friend under the bus and said his clothes were ugly.

Luckily for Fabio, Alicia had the Bigger Uglier Design Stick.

What did YOU think?