It's No Longer Funny, Now It's Just Sick

Okay, I admit it, I've made great fun out of the troubles of Charlie Sheen. Everything from "accidentally" shooting Kelly Preston to holding a knife to wife Brooke Mueller's throat to trashing a hotel room while a porn star hides in the closet.

Good times.

But now, as his show seems on the verge of collapsing, or, at the very least, continuing on without him, Charlie has been giving interviews left and right, and proving that this isn't funny.

This is a sick sick man.

When asked by TMZ who is parenting his ten-month-old twins, Sheen gestured to two young blondes that he calls his "goddesses"--one of whom is a verified porn actress--and several friends lounging in his back yard. "Everybody here is parenting the kids. They're running into walls, but they're screaming 'Da-Da' when they do it."

Porn stars and drug addicts. In CPS involved yet. 

When asked if he had hit rock-bottom after his recent 36-hour bender with drugs and porn tars. Sheen said: "Isn't that a fishing term?" And whenh asked if he is crazy, he says: "I'm grandiose."

And how does Sheen say he will avoid the same drug-induced fate of stars like Michael Jackson and Heath Ledger, he says: "Don't do drugs that are just supposed to be administered in a hospital at home. Read the frickin' labels."

When asked if he thinks he is an addict, he says: "No. No, I don't. Because that's a word and a thing that they tried to stick on me for 22 years. My conduct is bitchin', my condition is perfect."

And he loves his image as a drug-addicted, sex-addicted alcoholic: "I'm proud of what I created. Why wouldn't I be? I exposed people to magic. I exposed them to something that they otherwise would not see in their boring normal lives. And I gave that to them! I mean, what's not to love? Especially when you see how I party. Man, it was epic. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards all of 'em just look like droopy-eyed armless children."

Sheen said that after years of trying to stay clean, he decided to stop pretending to be someone else and just embrace his life: "Wrap both arms around it and love it violently. And defend it violently, through violent hatred."

When asked if he is bi-polar, as some people are suggesting, he says: "What's the cure, medicine to make me like them? Not gonna happen. I'm bi-winning. I win here, I win there. Now what? If I'm bipolar, aren't there moments when a guy like crashes?"

He then adds: "You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like 'Dude, can't handle it! Unplug this bastard!' ... It fires in a way that is perhaps not from this terrestrial realm."

He also claims his partying days are over: "I am on a drug, it's called 'Charlie Sheen.' It's not available cuz if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and children will weep over your exploded body."

Like I said, it seemed funny, until you hear his actual words, and now it just seems sad.