Well, at least we now know they're really good actors.
All sorts of stories breaking that young and hip first-time Oscar hosts, Anne Hathaway and James Franco grew to hate one another as the show drew closer.
A source--and by source, I mean the guy that taped Hathaway's lips into a permanent smile and kept Franco in Fritos--says Anne was ready to cut a bitch, a certain stoner bitch, because of his lackadaisical performance on the show.
Franco, who, for the most part, seemed keen on just grinning like a fool while onstage, even skipped his own after party, at LA's The Writer's Room, and flew back to New York because he was so pissed off at perky, The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow, Annie.
Now, Franco's rep says the whole thing is a lie, and, miraculously enough, Anne's rep said the same thing.
But if you watched the show, you saw Anne doing all the smiling and laughing and joking, the singing and the dancing, while Franco seemed to be in search of his next bong hit.
Had the academy bothered to ask me, I'd have told them to keep away from the Cheerleader and The Stoner as hosts.
Boy, Mike Huckabee has had a busy week.
First, he implied that the president is from Kenya, and that he grew up in Kenya, which we all know--unless you're a Teabagger with one tooth and one brain cell--isn't true.
Then Huckleberry Hound intimated that the president is a Muslim, again pandering to his base of toothless and brain-dead Teabaggers.
But now he's gone too far.
Too.Far. I tell ya!
This week presidential wannabe--and that will never happen--Mike Huckabee criticized Oscar-wining actress Natalie Portman for glorifying and glamorizing out-of-wedlock pregnancy.
Y'all remember how Natalie said during her Oscar acceptance speech: "Do it girls, fuck a guy and get knocked up but don't get married. It's fun!"
Oh, wait, that didn't happen, But it didn't stop Huckleberry Hounddog Face from going on 'The Michael Medved Show' the after Portman won the Oscar, and criticize her because she's expecting her first child with fiancé Benjamin Millepied.
Huckabee said: "People see a Natalie Portman who boasts, 'We're not married but we're having these children and they're doing just fine.' I think it gives a distorted image. It's unfortunate that we glorify and glamorize the idea of out-of-wedlock children."
Hmm, I didn't see glory and glamorization, I saw a woman in love, and glowing.
But then Huckleberry goes on to call Portman's pregnancy "troubling," saying that many single parents do not have the resources that the 29-year-old actress possessed and would not be able to afford help to look after the baby.
Um, okay Mike, you dingbat, um, where was all your holier-than-thou crap after Bristol Palin got knocked up and was trotted out on the campaign trail by her media whoring mother?
Oh, I forgot, it's perfectly fine when the GOP gets pregnant without benefit of marriage, or cheats on their wives, or gets drunk and rives, but not anybody else.
Go back to your hovel in the mountains Huckleberry. You are too out of touch to be president of anything more than the Backwoods Illiterates Club.
Lindsay Lohan has stopped getting high and stealing things that don't belong to her long enough to give an interview!
Can I get a Hallelujah up in here!
And apparently, when compared to Charlie Sheen, she comes off as lucid and normal.
Well, that's not such a stretch. The old lady who lives in the sewer drain on Broad Street in downtown Smallvile, and speaks in tongues, sounds more lucid than Charlie.
Anyway, speaking to Extra, Lindsay seemed clear-headed when talking about her career as an international drug addict and jewel thief, I mean, being a wacktress, i mean being an actress.
Lohan: "I feel great. As long as I'm focusing on the one thing that I know I need to put forth in my life, which is you know, my recovery and stuff. Then I'm doing good and that's most important for me."
The one thing she knows? How to get an array of doctors to provide her with prescription drugs so she can stop shopping in South Central? Or that one thing about how to distract a salesgirl while she slips some jewels into her bag?
Oh. Acting. I'd forgotten she was an actress.
Lohan says she also knows that it will take time to regain the trust of the film industry after her latest run-in with cops and lawyers and judges, oh my. And, it may take even longer to be trusted again, as she is in very serious danger of going to jail on felony charges from stealing that necklace.
She has until March 10 to decide if she wants to take a plea deal--which will include jail time--or go to trial--and risk being sent to jail.
Lohan: "There's gonna be a lot of steps [sidenote: I'm thinking at least Twelve Steps] that I have to go through to kind of prove myself again and get the trust from the people that I respect to work with. But I'm to do what I have to do to get there, because that's my passion."
I hope so Lindsay, because for the past few years your passion has been drugs, drink driving, arrest, rehab, arrest,jail, rehab, drunk driving, arrest, rehab, jewel theft, arrest.
I fear for Christina.
I'm hoping that she isn't on the rod to a Britney Meltdown,
I mean, there was the Star Mangled Banner mishap at the Superbowl; then she had the fall at the Grammys after opening the show. And now this.
Christina Aguilera and her boyfriend Matt Rutler were arrested this week in West Hollywood. Christina was booked on a misdemeanor charge for public intoxication, while Rutler also faces a misdemeanor charge for driving under the influence.
Reports have been swirling that Christina has been the hard party girl of the moment, and now it seems to be catching up to her.
i mean, I hope she doesn't attack a car with an umbrella and then shave off all her hair. I'm hoping she doesn't open the VMAs this year, singing from a comatose state. I'm hoping she gets better and gets back to singing.
Sidenote: Remember when all those girl singers appeared on the scene at the same time? Britney, Christina, and Pink? Didn't you always think it'd be Pink who would be the one in trouble? Who knew Pink would turn out to be the Good Girl?
I'm guessing that, in the Cruise household, there is a list on the refrigerator of amounts to sue for when the tabloids write something unkind.
I'm thinking the list goes something like this:
Rumors of Tommy being a ginormous flaming queen....sue for $100 million.
Rumors of Katie being a ginormous drug addict....sue for $50 million.
Apparently, being a drug addict is more acceptable than being a giant 'mo.
Katie Holmes has filed a libel lawsuit seeking $50 million in damages from Star magazine after the weekly published a cover story that insinuated she is a drug addict.
Katie Holmes said, after getting permission from Tommy Grrrl to speak: "Of all the fabricated stories that continue to be published about me, this instance is beyond the pale. The publisher knew this outrageous story was false and printed it anyway to sell magazines."
The cover photo shows Holmes looking tired and upset--probably because she had to feed, bathe and clothe Suri and Tommy on the same day--with the tagline: "Addiction Nightmare: Katie Drug Shocker! The real reason she can't leave Tom."
Inside the issue, however, the article doesn't say that Katie is a drug addict, but focuses on her usage of something called an "e-meter" during Scientology sessions; e-meters, flown in directly from Xenu HQ, ALLEGEDLY reflect past emotional experiences.
Holmes says she was forced to file this lawsuit "to vindicate her reputation after American Media refused to retract its vicious lies about her....[the] claims about Katie are untrue, unethical and unlawful. Not only do they cruelly defame Katie, they play a cheap trick on the public, making ridiculously false claims on the cover unsupported by anything inside. Someone should bring a class action to get all buyers their money back."
Star is standing by their story: "We have not been served with any papers yet, however Star fully stands behind the editorial integrity of what we have published concerning Ms. Holmes' controversial use of the Scientology e-meter. The physical effect of the e-meter on its users is a matter of significant public concern, and we plan to vigorously defend the suit filed by Ms. Holmes."
Too bad no one is accusing the pair of being gay drug addicts.
I imagine that would be a $150 million lawsuit.
Joan Collins, who made her first appearance onstage for William Shakespeare, was rushed to the hospital from an Oscar after-party last weekend after she passed out.
Was it the fact that she's four-hundred-years old?
No, Collins revealed that her very tight dress was the reason she was hospitalized.
The 'Dynasty' actress, and former courtesan to Henry VIII, was ALLEGEDLY wearing a purple, figure-hugging dress by designer Georges Hobeika at Graydon Carter's Oscar viewing party and dinner when she started to feel faint.
Collins went and rested on a sofa at the hotel's bar, while her fifth husband Percy Gibson--who was born when Joan was married to her second husband, which means her eighth husband is being born now--called for an ambulance. Collins was discreetly helped out of the back of the hotel.
Joan Collins: "The truth was, I made the wrong decision to wear a very tight dress, and had something rather like a Victorian swoon." I believe, and correct me if I'm wrong, Joan Collins invented the Victorian swoon during the Victorian Era.
Now, that picture there, of the centuries old Collins, is one of her in the dress. Doesn't look too snug to me. But maybe it was the corset she borrowed from Marie Antoinette.
It looks like the drug addict don't fall far from the tree.
Whitney Houston's daughter, Bobbi Kristina Brown, has fired back at a National Enquirer cover story ALLEGING 17-year-old Brown was snorting cocaine at a party. She turns 18 on Friday.
The Enquirer photo spread shows Bobbi Kristina snorting a white substance, and we know it ain't crack, because crack is wack, like Mama says.
Bobbi Kristina made her case via Twitter, saying, "a former very dear person to me did this. Set me up to make it look exactly what it looks like. God will smite them yes..But it's really not what it looks like.. People will do anything for money which is extremely sad, and I'm very hurt by this."
Um, okay, so it isn't what it looks like, but, um, what is it, because we all know what it looks like.
See, according to the Enquirer--and remember, they broke the John Edwards adultery story so they must be a reputable source--quotes Bobbi Kristina's ex-boyfriend as saying, "Krissi is addicted to cocaine. I've tried to stop her, but all she said was, 'I'm just like my mother!'"
Bobbi Kristina, again on Twitter: "Thing's people do these days to hurt others is a shame. All I can do now, is keep my head up high, keep looking towards the lord.All the lord is telling me is be still. That's all, and that's exactly what I'm going to do."
Hmm, didn't her Mama say the same sorts of things when people said she had a drug problem, which she denied and denied and denied, until she admitted it was true?
Bobbi Kristina: "I love my family so much. My mom just comforted me to the max, and I'm so thankful for her. Thank you so much lord for blessing me with an Phenomenal family and incredibly phenomenal mother. Thank you for giving me the strength to move forward and put things in the past."
Hopefully this isn't true, but, well, it all sounds so vaguely familiar. I'm hoping Bobbi Kristina doesn't do a sit-down with Diane Sawyer.
And, to be fair, the National Enquirer has printed some very interesting Bobbi Kristina stories over the years. In 2008, they reported that a then-15 Bobbi Kristina "tried to stab her mom during an argument--and then attempted to kill herself by slashing her wrists," and in 2010, the Enquirer said Bobbi Kristina was an "out of control....wild child....going party party-crazy."
And, continuing to be fair, in 2007, Whitney herself prohibited her then 14-year-old daughter from MySpace after photos of Bobbi Kristina ALLEGEDLY drinking alcohol and smoking weed surfaced.
Where there's smoke, there's probably a crack pipe.
Some people--not me--think Valentine's Day is the most romantic day of the year.
I'm guessing that this past Valentine's Day wasn't that good for Paula Abdul.
The former host of American idol, and the recently cancelled Live to Dance, placed a call to 911 on Valentine's Day while she was riding in a car with her boyfriend.
Crying, she told the operator of her emergency: "I wanna go, and he won't let me!"
And then she was heard, on tapes that TMZ acquired, asking her boyfriend, "Are you gonna drop me off 'cause I have emergency on the phone?"
Soon, thank god, the situation was diffused, and Paula happily sang, using Auto-Tone, "He's dropping me off."
Later on, when police spoke to Abdul, she claimed that the earlier incident was a minor argument that never became physical, and she declined to file a police report.
Luckily for Paula, the 911 operators in LA have nothing better to do than,listen to wannabe celebrities and hasbeens comp[lain about not getting their way.