PRAll-St★rs 4 Ep 1: Uptown Goin' Down

All righty then, the fourth season of losers trying again, AKA PR All-St★rs 4! Oh, but they aren’t all losers because the producers have slipped in two PR winners, Dmitry and Michelle, and the other designers, AKA The Losers, aren’t exactly thrilled about it.

But that’s neither here nor there because the challenge is up. PR All-Stars host — and very pregnant — Alyssa Milano splits the group into teams of Men versus Women who must create collections inspired by either New York's Uptown scene or New York's Downtown scene. A subway token is tossed and the men win, choosing to go Downtown, while the girls — who seemed to have wanted Downtown — head Uptown. Both teams of seven have a budget of $1500 and one day to make it work.

Let’s rip …

THE SAFE WOMEN 

clockwise from Top Left

ALEXANDRIA I loved this look but it is really a mash-up of downtown edge and uptown fabrics; a wee bit too sexy for the sophisticated girl.

HELEN This was a simple look, but I loved the inset shiny fabric curving down the body.

SONJIA Again, too edgy; the crop top was showing a bit too much skin for an Uptown Girl.

SAMANTHA During the critique Zanna Roberts Rassi told Samantha to lose the peplum — does anyone still think a peplum is cool? — and that saved this from the Bottom, I think. A shorter hemline might have helped, too.

THE SAFE MEN 

clockwise from Top Left

DMITRY It’s nice but it looks like a 1970s macramé plant holder hanging around her neck. Did not get it.

GUNNAR He was going with a chiffon capelet until Zanna told him that it looked “Chloë Sevigny meets Wonder Woman doing bridal.” Gunnar sniffed and said he disagreed, but he followed her advice nonetheless.

JUSTIN A taste level concern; the shorts look like a backwards diaper to me and it’s all a bit blah.

JAY I liked the pant, liked the tube top, but the vest seemed a little octopus to me. Not a favorite.

THE TOPS: The Men

CHRIS 

His inspiration was a crazy guy who seemed to have found a kilt in a trash can and tied it around his waist, but he wanted to reimagine it as a girl wearing her boyfriend’s shirt tied around her as a skirt. When Zanna stopped by her only critique was, "I love a kilt.”

Note to self: show her Carlos in one.

WHAT HE SAID 

My kilt is working

WHAT I SAID 

I like it, but is it design, because anyone can buy a kilt; I did love the leather top, though.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID 

Alyssa was crazy about the kilt, and she got the boyfriend’s shirt inspiration Chris intended. Isaac Mizrahi loved the heaviness of the kilt with the skimpy, lightness of the top, while The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ thought the top, as a corset, was a bit loose; she did, however, call the look original. Guest judge, Ivanka Trump disagreed, saying it seemed a bit cliché, the belt too heavy, and the look kind of cheesy.

WHAT HAPPENED Chris, who predicted he’d be in the Top, goes Third.

BENJAMIN 

He was the lone guy who didn’t want to go Downtown, and his original idea really seemed to support that; but Benjamin wasn’t having it, saying a Downtown girl could look chic — though, yeah, that wasn’t the challenge, you know, to make a Downtown girl chic. But, when Zanna warned him that his look was too Uptown, he seemed to realize that his POV needed an adjustment for the challenge, and he made some changes.

WHAT HE SAID 

She looks amazing.

WHAT I SAID 

I still think it’s an Uptown look, very chi-chi, but the styling saved it.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID 

Isaac loved it, saying it captured both the drama and the model’s body; this was his personal favorite. Alyssa said it could have gone wrong — i.e. Uptown — but it worked. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loved the graphic nature of the look, with the free and easy quality of the design. Ivanka loved how he referenced architecture in it—and hoped to wear it home to show Daddy so he could slap a big Trump Dress sign on it; those Trumps would put their name on anything.

WHAT HAPPENED 

Chic was in, but just Second Place.

FABIO 

Returning from Mood, Fabio found that his fabrics were missing; no idea if they had been cut, and left behind; not paid for and left behind; paid for and left behind. But there was no going back, so he had to make do with his teammate’s fabrics. And he did a nice job, which is what Zanna said — “It’s perfectly nice.” — but Fabio went back and threw in some ‘Wow’ straps across the back.

WHAT HE SAID 

I hope the judges notice everything about this look.

WHAT I SAID 

That different colored tie-belt-obi-wrap thing in the front seemed odd to me; very out of place.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID 

Alyssa said "I want this on my body," and I added, “In about five months.” She loved that it seemed business in the front and party in the back. Isaac loved it, and also loved the two-toned color, front-to-back. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ called it beautiful — and she should know — while Ivanka loved it, but thought the pants were a hair too short, even though it was both polished and edgy.

WHAT HAPPENED 

Fabio wins, but gets no immunity, as PR Al-stars don’t play like that!

THE BOTTOMS: The Women

MICHELLE  

She didn’t want Uptown, and she — like Benjamin — struggled to suit her voice to the challenge; she chose suede and cut-outs,. A daring choice, and Zanna noted that her girl might just be too cool for Uptown.

WHAT SHE SAID 

I’m really happy with the way it turned out.

WHAT I SAID 

I like Michelle, but I felt for her because she’s always on teams that drag her down; this was kinda edgy for Uptown, but I liked it.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID 

Ivanka loved the Uptown sexiness of it, calling it reserved and sophisticated. Alyssa, though, said the fabric looked like car seat fabric — and when they took a close-up, well, I got car seat and car sick, too. It looked like Chrysler Cordoba Cheap Corinthian Leather — for those who remember that old ad. Isaac hated the additional fabrics in the back, and wished it had all been one suede — though not that suede.  The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™   also wished the back didn’t have the green pieces of fabric because then it would have been much better.

WHAT HAPPENED 

Michelle gets a pass.

KATE  

A Two-Time loser going for Third Time’s The Charm? As much as I loathed Amanda on the last arc of the PR, I loathe Kate on any PR show more. Get a job! But I digress. Kate is making a girly dress because she likes all things princess, but Zanna warns her that the top looks very modern and the bottom looks very retro, so Kate starts again. She does, oddly enough, save the Boob Shells for the second look.

WHAT SHE SAID 

It’s a Bond girl!

WHAT I SAID 

In a Sean Connery Bond film; which is to say, that it looks old and dated and the Oyster Breasts are a distraction.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID 

Isaac said he loved natural boobs, and loved the kind of 50s augmentation of the Shell Breasts, but it was all ruined because the dress was too tight. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™   said it felt old-fashioned, and the stripe at the knee cut the model off. Alyssa  thought there were a lot of ideas that failed to gel, while Ivanka thought it less Uptown and more va-va-va-voom.

WHAT HAPPENED 

I guess ill-fitting dresses with Boobs on the Half Shell are safe.

PATRICIA 

She loves making her own textiles and so she opts for what she calls a pomegranate detail that leads Zanna to sigh and say, Okay? But, she runs out of time, and the pomegranates don’t end up on the dress at all.

WHAT SHE SAID 

It’s a beautiful neckline, and a versatile dress, but I’m not happy with the darts.

WHAT I SAID 

Bullet Titty nightgown.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID 

Alyssa said she loved an A-line dress because she’s 35 months pregnant and can only wear A-line. Isaac loved the idea of the dress but thought the fabrics looked dirty, while The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™  thought the breast darts weren’t doing good things—unless the goal was to use them as weapons?

WHAT HAPPENED 

Someone has to go, and it’s Pat.

MY TAKE

Alyssa Milano is huge! I hope she makes it to the end of the season, or maybe we’ll have our first Swaddling Clothes Challenge?

Like Fabio, I Love Zanna Roberts Rassi. The accent, the style, the zip. Loving her. I also like some Isaac Mizrahi. I wanna get drunk with him and just gossip gossip gossip. And, of course, The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™. Love.Her.

As for the designers: Gunnar? No. He just wants to be on TV; he is all affectation and no substance, which was evident when he first spoke at the beginning, and said something about another designer, "However comma …” Hon, you don’t say comma, it’s implied …period.

Sonjia needs to lay off the Smurf lipstick; I could make a tasteless joke about giving head to Papa Smurf but won't ... oops, I already did.

That Jay Sario is totally adorable and I’m having a First Episode crush on him.  Fabio, too, because I love his edge.

As for who I wanna see at The Tents — or whatever the PR All-St★rs uses as The Tents — I’m rooting for Michelle and Fabio right now, with maybe some Chris March thrown in because he’ll surprise you.

Gunnar can go, and he can stuff Kate into his man purse.

What did YOU think?