Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Wedding Week Repost: Tie Him Up! Tie Him Down!

In a couple of days we'll become Mister and Mister ... not to be confused with that last century pop group Mr. Mister, so here's another one of those Carlos Stories that y'all seem to like.

There are millions from which to choose, but this one, from August 2009, is a personal favorite.

Tie Him Up! Tie Him Down!

Sunday was errand day at Chez Smallville. Carlos had to work an HIV presentation on Saturday, and then we met up for a late dinner at a Smallville bistro we like, so our usual Saturday errands were pushed back a day. But it was supposed to be hot, so we decided to keep it simple. Groceries at Kroger and a quick stop for weed killer and spray nozzles for the garden hoses at the Homo Depot.

That is not a misspelled word. It's HOMO Depot.

We parked near the garden center and went in. Carlos is hypnotized by plants and he began to wander off like he's found the mother ship and it's time to go home. I shout after him, "I'm going inside to get the things we need. Stay out here and I'll be right back."

The best laid plans.

I get the weed killer. I get the spray nozzles -- which look like fazers....phasers?....from Star Trek, and I head back out to plant central to pick up Carlos.. he isn't there. I wander around the aisles of plants and pavers and trellises....ooh, I want to put a trellis up against the side of the garage....keep moving. No Carlos.

I whistle for him. I know, he's not a dog, but in Miami we had a cat named Voncie who would come running if I whistled a certain way, and now Carlos and I use it when we can't find the other one of us. So, I whistled. No Carlos.

I go back inside the Homo Dept to the weed killer aisle thinking he went to find me. No Carlos. I go outside to where they keep the spray nozzles thinking he's waiting there. No Carlos. I whistle. No Carlos.

I head to the cashier and pay for my things and walk out to the car. Would he have gone back to the car? No Carlos.

I head back inside whistling out loud and cursing to myself. Weed killer. No Carlos. Hoses. No Carlos. Plants. No Carlos. I was thisclose to going inside and telling a cashier that I had lost my little girl, Carlotta, and having them page him for me, when I see him sauntering toward me.

I've been looking for you, I said.

I found some drapes, he told me.


Weed killer. Spray nozzle. Plants.

Nope, not a mention of drapes at all....oh wait......over breakfast he said we needed new drapes for the sunroom.


I saw a video earlier this week of a mother literally dragging her son by a leash through a Circuit City or Best Buy or something. At the time I thought it was horrendous. Now I'm not so sure. I'm thinking we should stop at Pet Smart and get Carlos fitted for a leash.

That was Sunday in Smallville.


the dogs' mother said...

I think I have the Carlos Distraction in Home Despot (as me and my girl friends call it...for the way it gleefully extracts our money.)

Susan said...

That is a funny one, Bob. Thanks for sharing. what I would like to know is, did you buy the drapes? and the leash? :)

anne marie in philly said...

bwhahahaha! keep him on a short leash after the wedding vows! bwhahahaha!

Mitchell is Moving said...

Ahhhhhh.... Carlos and San Geraldo are definitely related!