I'll Hold Off On My Parade For The Catholic Church

Last week we got word from the Vatican that maybe, maybe, the Church was changing their stance on The Gays and before you could say, Ooh Pope Franky, where did you get the red Pradas, The Gays and The Gay Friendlies had broken out the Rainbow Flags and the Glitter Balls and the Mardi Gras Beads and were outside marching and cheering the Catholics.

All because we learned that the Church was thinking of including The Gays because, ahem, I paraphrase, we have gifts to offer the Church even though we are, ahem, I quote, “morally problematic.”

Morally problematic is a reason for a parade, Gays? Really? Morally problematic?

Luckily, we’ll never find out what that means because, right after that select group of Catholics thought about being nicer to The Gays, another group of Catholic bishops decided to say F**k it — or the religious equivalent thereof — and scrap their whole welcome to The Gays Plan.

In fact, they even skipped over a watered down version of The Welcome to The Gays and, rather than consider us — well, some of you, I guess, if you’re Catholic because I’m not — as someone who has gifts, or as my father called it, money, to offer the church, the newly revised non-welcome now refers to The Gays as one of the “problems” that Catholic families have to confront. Mind you, though, the Bishops said nothing about that other problem of priests who rape children because, well, I guess that’s not really a problem …

And we're stopping ...

Let me put that this way: say there was a very elite, rather expensive, worldwide boarding school. And say that the story broke that some of the teachers in that boarding school, in schools all over the globe, were raping children. No, what if you then found out that the headmaster, and all past and future headmasters, knew about the sexual abuse and did nothing. And in addition to doing nothing, they allowed those teachers who rape the opportunity to avoid prosecution by moving to another school, you know, where there are fresher choices to rape. Or, maybe they asked those pedophile teachers to quit their jobs but still receive a nice big pension. Would you sit idly by and let that happen?

And we’re back …

In addition to calling The Gays morally problematic, and deciding that they should still welcome us because we have money to toss in the collection plate — money to replace the tens and tens and tens of millions of dollars the Church has paid to rape victims worldwide — the Bishops have also decided not to be nice to divorced Catholics, even the straight one, and to civilly remarried divorced Catholics, though they were not dubbed morally problematic, in saying that they cannot receive Communion.

Yes, the Church has no problem with rapist and pedophiles; it has no problem with bigwigs in the company — and let’s face it, the Church is a business — from aiding and abetting those rapist, but God forbid, literally, you are a man-loving man or woman-loving woman, or have been divorced because, yeah, you’re not their kind of people.

So, the next time you hear Pope Franky mention one single word about The Gays and how times have changed, celebrate the fact that, at least, he’s talking about us in a somewhat positive way, and not in the framework of straight to hell or a blight on humanity or a moral problem, but let’s hold off on the parades and the celebrations until the Church actually does something.

And then does something about their rape problem.

Ow! I haven't ranted for over a week, and I should'a stretched first!