I Ain't One To Gossip, But....

More on TravoltaGate:

Remember, First Masseur claimed he was groped by John Travolta whilst giving the actor a rubdown? Well, maybe not so much, because, now, it seems, that First Masseur has been dropped by his legal counsel because he couldn't keep his dates, um, straight. But, Second Masseur is still in the picture though now this whole thing kinda smacks of an extortion for cash, except.....

The third man, a Chilean named Fabian Zanzi, who came forward to claim Travolta had  ALLEGEDLY propositioned him for a massage and sex on a Royal Caribbean Cruise ship in 2009. Zanzi claims Travolta ALLEGEDLY offered him $12,000 for his services, which Zanzi refused. 

And, also keeping the story alive, are the rumors about Travolta and steam rooms and masseurs and sticky fingers and such. It seems that, ALLEGEDLY, Travolta has pulled this act so many times that, guess what, The New York Daily News has a story about Travolta being sweaty and gross and, just plain icky, to the masseurs at the Peninsula Hotel Spa, that the spa actually had to “ban” him. 

While Michael Caputo, a one-time Peninsula masseur, ALLEGES that John Travolta was banned after several creepy run-ins with the spa’s male employees, the ALLEGED ban, put in place in the early 2000s, though Travolta’s time on the Do Not Rub List lasted about three years. Peninsula officials, though, are not commenting now.

Caputo says, “Travolta would always request a man for his massage, but after a while no one would take him because of his inappropriate behavior. It got to the point where they couldn’t find any men to take him, and they had to ban him.”

Marty Singer, Travolta’s pitbull attorney, dismissed the allegation as rubbish, saying Travolta was at the Peninsula’s rooftop spa just six months ago, but, since Caputo claims the ban was lifted in 2008, Travolta would have been welcome there last winter.

Marty Singer: “He’s never been banned, I guarantee you. . . . The hotel never told John he was banned, and John never acted improperly.”

But, Caputo maintains that male staffers complained about Travolta removing his towel, grinding against the massage table and lifting his butt in the air; “These are signs to a massage therapist that he was trying to see how much he could get away with. They went to management.”

I may need a Silkwood scrubdown now.

But first, more about Second Masseur:

The sexual assault and battery lawsuit that an Atlanta-based masseur filed against John Travolta will ALLEGEDLY never go to trial because both sides have agreed the case should be heard by a private judge behind closed doors in mediation.

Closed doors? Isn’t that what got Travolta into trouble in the first place?

Second Masseur made his blockbuster claims against Travolta just days after First Masseur filed his claim.

But the lawyers, Tarvolta’s Marty Singer, and Second Masseur’s, Okorie Okorocha, are speaking, and are working on the ground rules for the evidence and procedure about how the mediation will proceed.

A process that could take two months and many, many, more massages.

Both sides have agreed to keep all transcripts sealed, as well as all witness statements, depositions, so we probably won’t be getting any more cringe-inducing revelations about Travolta’s penis and buttocks.

So, there is good news, eh?

 The lawsuit will be heard by a private judge who will decide how much money, if any, the accuser will receive. All of the proceedings will be strictly confidential, but make no mistake, this will get ugly; as ugly as the image I get of Travolta’s bare ass being thrust in a man’s face.

Sorry for that one.

The secrecy not only keeps the gory details from being made public, but also allow for the Second Masseur to maintain his privacy; unless he loses, at which time he’ll be on every single talk show on the planet.

And that makes my skin crawl now.

Not much Lindsay news this week, because, apparently,m after her ridiculous turn on Glee she’s keeping a low profile. Or, she’s still passed out under a bar on Hollywood Blvd.

But that isn’t keeping her mother, Dina ‘Famewhore’ Lohan, Dina ‘I So Wanna Be Kris Jenner’ Lohan, from running her chardonnay filled yap.

Dina sat down with Access Hollywood to say that Original Recipe Lohan is “very prepared… She’s so excited to do this and it’s such an honor to play Liz Taylor.” 

Uh huh. That just means the booze and the prescription meds have arrived on-set.

Dina also thinks, and she says this with a straight, although bloated, face, that there are “so many similarities” between Elizabeth Taylor and Lindsay because “the tabloids, they attacked [Liz] as well… She’s really learned a lot, she’s grown up a lot.”

Um, yeah, remember the time the Star said Liz stole a necklace? Oh, that was Lohan.

Remember, then, when the Enquirer said Liz hijacked a car and kidnapped an innocent bystander and led police on a high speed, drug-fueled chase though LA? Oh. Lohan, again.

Yeah, the similarities are striking.

But the best part is when Dina accidentally calls Lohan’s years-long crazy shenanigans a “demise”, and adds, again, with a straight, booze addled face, that this “town is tough… Lindsay is 25, so it’s for her to talk about her demise, or whatever was going on at the time. I felt as a mother, yes, I’m going to protect my children publicly, privately, I kick their butts. I’m a single mom, of course I do!”

Demise? Um, did Lindsay die? I mean, I know she died on Glee…….

Lisa Marie Presley is preparing to release another album, Storm & Grace, because her first one was a huuuuge success, garnering her lot’s of airplay and tons of awards and…..

Oh, it didn’t do so well? Well, she’s the daughter of The King, so I imagine she’ll be releasing albums no one wants to hear for years and years.

Anyway, that’s really not noteworthy news by itself but, some lyrics form one of the songs Presley wrote for the album have surfaced and they ALLEGEDLY take major digs at phony religion, TomCruiseOlogy, er, Scientology.

The song is entitled “So Long” and it seems to cement the stories that, for the past few years, Lisa Marie has been trying to claw her way out of Scientology.

Here are some of the lyrics to “So Long,” which appears to call out the “church” as an empty institution that’s all about money and power:

This here is a city without lights

Those are all the people without eyes

Churches, they don’t have a soul

Soup for sale without a bowl

Religion so corrupt and running lives

Farewell, fair weathered friends

I can’t say I’ll miss you in the end

So long, seems that I was so wrong

Seems I wasn’t that strong

Dead wrong, and now I’m long gone

Wrong side, I’ve been sleeping on the wrong side

Stains all over my soul I can’t hide

Nothing’s more clear than goodbye

These roads they don’t lead to anything

These people they talk, they say nothing

Actors who don’t have a part

Heartfelt people with no heart

I’ll find a new crowd

Make a new start

Farewell, fair weathered friends

I can’t say I’ll miss you in the end

Yikes! This could make Tom Cruise topple off his heels!

I’m loving it.

Tyson

Tyson Beckford is forty-one. And, seriously, the hottest man alive.

And now comes word that there is a Tyson Beckford sex tape out there, though, alas, it’s of the heterosexual, hand job variety. But, hey, a queer can dream…….

Someone, and people say it might be Beckford himself, is shopping that sex tape in which he gets off, remotely, with a female model online. 

Tyson strokes Little T—or maybe Not-So-Little T--and goes on about his career, so it’s half sex tape, half resume, I’m guessing.

Tyrese

But, and this is interesting, Beckford is copping to the video feel, even Tweeting to fans—note to self: Follow Tyson on Twitter—that he's “sad but life goes on.”

“Don’t even faze me” Tyson added “We all do it, just mine got caught on film.”

Um, we don't all do, thankfully.

He also ALLEGEDLY talks about being confused with actor Tyrese Gibson, which then,m creates a whole new sex tape in my head with Tyson and Tyrese. I need to stop.

Beckford has also admitted it’s not ”much of a sex tape lol.”

Well, I’ll be the judge of that…..huh?

What? It's called research people.

Okay, I’ve already said that I’m over American Idol,which hasn’t really produced an Idol winner since Carrie Underwood back in 1974. I’m over the whole manufactured pop star fame for a group of talentless wannabes, who are savvy about using TV to get fifteen minutes—or is it seconds?—of fame.

But now comes news that guest judge, of the large ass variety—and, No, I don’t mean Randy Jacksonm—Jennifer Lopez might not be coming back.

Boo, followed quickly by, hoo.

Lopez, who was inexplicably named by Forbes magazine as the most powerful celebrity n the world, might be ending her reign of terror at American Idol after this season. While, publicly, she says she hasn’t made a decision--which just smacks of, “I’ll come back for a boatload of cash and a job for my little Boy Toy”--people are saying she’s planning on calling it quits.

Good, followed quickly by, bye.

“She’s just too busy,” one source said. And that’s true; she has two children to have her nannies take care of, and a boy--young enough to be her son--—to clothe and feed and hire.

She’s about to launch a concert tour with Enrique Iglesias that kicks off this summer in Latin America and she plans to go worldwide in the fall. In fact, she’d be on the road when the Idol auditions start so……

 “It is just like any working mom’s dilemma,” Lopez said, with a straight face because her team of nannies were watching her children so she could schtup Casper. “It’s tough. It’s a balancing act. You put them first and then you have all these other things that you have to do [schtupping the help], that you have to give your time to as well, and you have to make sure that they’re OK in the process.”

Yeah, I buy everything Lopez says. Like when she called Marc Anthony the love of her life and married him before the ink was dry on his divorce papers, only to divorce him. Or, when she married fill in the blank only to divorce him.

It’s about money. Give her an ass-sized raise and she’ll sit there for another year, and then say she has to leave because it’s so hard being a mom again, until the armored car arrives with another round of Benjamins.

STFU.