Talk about a struggle.
It took him years to tell anyone, even himself, that he was a black, gay man playing Division I college football for the University of Maryland, and his choice to remain silent weighed heavily on him.
In secret, he would go online and search the web, using keywords like "gay" and "athlete" hoping to find someone like him, who was out there, and knew his struggle. He wondered how many other Division I athletes are gay--and black--and feeling as isolated as he was?
Now a highly ranked Greco-Roman wrestler, unpaid Maryland wrestling coach, and out gay, black man, Patterson says, "It's not like it's a terrible, deep, dark secret, but you think about the ramifications. They're talking behind your back, and everywhere you turn there's this culture that says you're not supposed to be like this."
And those whispers took their toil on Akil Patterson. in college, he began binge drinking to just feel like he fit in, and perhaps to forget that part of him that he thought no one would understand, but finally, he sees himself as a man "emerging from a dream" and came out publicly back in January, on Outsports.com.
He was so closeted, and so self-loathing, and so afraid anyone would discover his secret, that he began drinking all the time. He has memory lapses about some nights of binge drinking during his football years, but remembers all sorts of odd behavior, lying and denials.
Drunk one night, he hit on a male cheerleader, but denied to teammates that he was gay as rumors spread about his sexual orientation and erratic behavior. His heavy drinking included the night before a big game at Florida State in September 2003. He was suspended indefinitely by Maryland later that season and left school amid charges related to an off-campus fight.
These days he's out, and sober, and proud to be himself. his days of hiding, lying, self-loathing, and drinking to forget are over. These days Akil Patterson aspires to make the Olympics in Greco-Roman wrestling. An out gay man, wrestling for Gold, free from his demons and finally able to live his life as he knows it should be.
It really does get better.
via The Baltimore Sun
Bob, great post. It is really sad that many of us have to go through such pain and turmoil just to announce and reckon with who we really are. I'm glad he made it through his dark hours. We need more GLBTQ, especially minority GLBTQ to come out and be beacons of hope for those still in the closet and GLBTQ youth who still have to run the gauntlet.
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