Saturday, July 16, 2011

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

Hey, Hines Ward?!? You just won Dancing With the Stars! How are you gonna celebrate?
By getting a DUI, I guess, which does not mean "Dancing Under the Influence" but "Driving Under the Influence".
Police officers Ward was pulled over, in DeKalb County, Georgia, about 2AM one morning after swerving down the street and hitting a curb in his Aston Martin.
He took a number of tests on the scene. Tap. Jazz. Interpretive Ballet. And he failed all of them, along with a variety of intoxication tests, including a hand-held breath test, which came out positive for alcohol consumption. Ward ALLEGEDLY became agitated during the tests, and swayed back and forth while with officers and even mixed up the letters in the alphabet. He later refused to give a breath sample on a Breathalyzer machine at the DeKalb County jail.
He did admit to having the requisite two beers before getting behind the wheel of his car, but he may wanna rethink that. Two beers does not make ones BAC nearly twice the legal limit, unless he meant two cases, or two kegs.
His lawyer, however, is singing a different tune, probably after getting a hefty retainer check. He says Ward was not under the influence and that his cooperation with the police was uncanny.
What is uncanny is how a grown-ass man can't remember his alphabet, and some over-paid, self-entitled athlete can't just hire a driver so her can drink all the Corona in the place without endangering anyone else on the road.
I wonder if he'd killed someone on his drunk driving spree, how his lawyer might have spun it.
 
Oh, those Jersey Shore kids.
Fights. Peeing in public. Arrests, Car crashes. Lawsuits.
Yup, now it's Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino's turn to be sued for $1 million.
It seems that Gotham NYC Entertainment--whcih sounds like a cover for some low-rent porn-making company....ALLEGEDLY--is claiming Sorrentino breached their contract when he fired them in May for "lack of performance."
The management company says the 'Jersey Shore' star failed to give them the required 30-day notice to fix any problems before he terminated their services. Gotham says they served as Sorrentino's managers since 'The Jersey Shore' premiered on MTV in 2009 and have helped him take "his career from relative obscurity to become an international celebrity."
International douchebag, maybe.
Still, The Situation, illiterate as he may be, he most likely has the cash to shell out should he lose. He ALLEGEDLY made $100,000 per episode for the fourth season of Jersey Crappola.
Except, maybe he won't be getting any more MTV paychecks. Sorrentino, perhaps realizing he can't pretend to be in his 20s anymore, now that he clearly looks to be closing in on forty, has decided to bail on the fifth season of the reality show.
Such a shame.

Singer and serial dieter, or is it cereal dieter, Carnie Wilson is ALLEGEDLY facing a foreclosure on her L.A. home.
According to documents from the L.A. County Recorder's Office, it seems that Wilson has defaulted on her mortgage and still owes a whopping $1.6 million on her house. And she ALLEGEDLY has just a few days to come up with the cash or her home will hit the auction block.
Wilson, who recently appeared with fellow Wilson Phillips members Wendy Wilson and Chynna Phillips in 'Bridesmaids,' also made headlines last fall due to her weight. And a lawsuit.
Wilson was ALLEGEDLY fired as spokeswoman for Fresh Diet, a food delivery service, when it became apparent that she had actually gained weight while on the program.
Cereal dieter.
But I guess you can't blame her, really. She ALLEGEDLY lost 19 pounds while using the service, but gained it all back when she launched her own.....wait for........it's not a diet........wait for it.....she launched her own CHEESECAKE company.
Now, she is ALLEGEDLY fat and happy, fat and sassy, and maybe fat and homeless, saying, "I'm fat as f**k, what can I say? You know, after all these years, it's just like we are who we are and it's a struggle for me and sometimes I'm heavier and sometimes I'm thinner."
Sometimes I have a home, and sometimes I don't.


This makes me giggle.
It seems that former " 3rd Rock from the Sun" actress Kristen Johnston recently found herself on a cross-country flight with Nadya Suleman and all twelve of her children.
On the flight, from New York City to Los Angeles, the Suleman gang ALLEGEDLY took up most of business class, and were being unruly and crying, while the flight was delayed for more than two hours.
The crying babies....the TWELVE crying babies....proved too much for Johnson, so she walked over to Nadya and told her to keep those kids quiet. Nadya ALLEGEDLY fired back: “How would you like me to keep eight 2-year-olds quiet?”
Kristen ALLEGEDLY responded, “Get more help!”
Nadya shouted back, “Why don’t you grow a baby and get a life!”
Why.Don't.You.Grow.A.Baby?
Um, why don't you stop?
Seriously. Just stop.

3 comments:

the island guy said...

I'm not one to gossip either sir! :)

truthspew said...

Um, ok guilty admission here. The "Situation" as he calls himself, he's cute enough to fuck at least once.

Stan in NH said...

While this fresh crop of stories tickles the finny bone, they just aren't as wildly crazy as in weeks past. I guess it's too hot to be an idiot these days. Or maybe they're all just holed up in the mall, enjoying the air conditioning.
The "grow a baby" was priceless. The sad part is that I think I understand what she was trying to say. (I know, don't worry, I've called the doctor and made an appointment. We'll figure it out.) She has an idiotic point, but it was an attempt at making one.
The dieter who opens a cheesecake company? Well, that's a "Situation" you don't see everyday, but never get tired of just the same! :)