Friday, November 20, 2009

The Final Yawn

Okay, so we had the PR6 Finale last night, and I almost choked on my Australian Sauvignon Blanc when Heidi, Michael Korange [as always, thanks to DD for that one], Ninna Gah-See-Ya and the English gal with the Something About Mary hair declared this THE BEST FINALE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Um, not so much.
So, here's my take, had I been a judge, and I should have been. I promise to try and keep it shorter and more interesting than PR6, though I guarantee nothing.
Let's tear Irina apart first, shall we?


This was, um, okay, but seriously boring, and I thought the T-shirt was too HomeEc for a fashion show. Plus, I'd heard over at Frogponders that there was something about copyright infringement or plagiarism or fugly about the T-shirts.

And this little number looked like an Anne Hathaway throw away costume from that immortal, classic film, Get Smart. It didn't.

Click it to embiggerate, and get a load of the model's face. This was exactly how I felt looking at this mess. Imagine how she felt wearing it down a runway and being seen on television in it. That sound you hear, dear, is your career coming to a crashing halt.

This made me cry out, Enough with the helmets! This isn't Project Runway: National Velvet, for crying out loud. It's all a little dark, a little tight, a whole lotta unflattering.

And, while most of her clothes were Upper East Side hooker chic, Irina chose to create this, which I dubbed the "It's-A-Nice-Day-For-A-Black-Wedding-Dress-At-The-Track" look.

Who knew Irina was into Domination? This just needs a whip and it's good to go. I'd even buy it....oh, who am I kidding. I already have this. In red. And buttless. TMI? Sorry.
Yeah, I'd pull the collar over my face, too.

From the new Jabba The Hutt line.

And here we have the Sarah Palin I Shoot Wolves From A Helicopter and Then Make A Vest outfit. Coming soon to an Army Navy Store near you.
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Now, let's head over to Carol Hannah, and her riff on architecture....yes, that's how she described it!

This looks fun, and if they ever do a remake of the I Love Lucy, where she wore the dress that was so tight she couldn't sit down, they can use this dress.
This one made no sense to me. Is it a dress that's cut up to the boobs; a shirt for pregnant women who want that sexy, Now you see it, now you don't look. What is it?

Heidi likee. Heidi right.

Really Carol Hannah? Did you think you could win PR6 with a rosette sash? 'Cuz you can't, honey. No.........no.

If Little Red Riding Hood lived in New York and didn't like red, this is what she'd be wearing. And the wolves would beat the snot out of her.

This is where the aforementioned architecture riff comes in, because I see pillars and struts, I-beams and pilings, working this dress down the runway. I believe you can spot the construction crew, down there, at the hem.

Poof! That's all I got, but I like saying it.......Poof! And I like the dress. Poofter!

This is an haute couture potato saque. It's more expensive than a regular potato sack because you spell it with a 'q' and a 'u'. Those cost more.
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And this brings us to Althea, who seemed to draw her inspiration from both Courtney Love and the film, The River's Edge. It was a little futuristic heroin chic, expect there was no chic and the future's so sad I gotta wear shades. But hey, at least she used head scarves and not those damned helmets.

If you're a Dominatrix/Lesbian farmer, have I got the outfit for you! I see you tilling the fields, and then tilling the missus in this little number.
U-G-L-Y....you ain't got no alibi, you UGLY.
What?
You ugly.
Whaaaat?
A-L-T-H-E-A.....who'da one made you that way.
Althea.
What?
Althea.
WTF?
Heidi likee. Heidi needs glasses.
And out of this mess of a collection comes a glimmer of hope. Plus, that girl is smokin' hot! I'm thinking of being here next Halloween. I think I can pull off Hot Black Model. Uh-huh. I've done it before.
Asymmetric with a pointy breast thing-a-ma-bob does not get you a career in fashion. Althea! It gets you on a Greyhound back to Dayton.
Working on her collection in Dayton, Althea grew so bored she kept knitting and knitting and knitting. I mean, I've heard of sleeves that dust the fingertips, but you shouldn't be able to Swiffer the floor with high ::::cough cough:::: fashion.
Really. Dull. There.Are.No.Words.
This is Althea's surprise 13th look. It's a fact. Thirteen is unlucky. And ugly.
From the Courtney Love I-Go-To-Rehab collection. Plus, it looks like the model spilled something down the front. Really. I think Courtney actually wore this before passing out in a gutter where Althea found her, stripped her naked, and took her wallet.
Upper East Side Hooker. It hasn't sold since the 80s.
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So, there you have it, my bitchy snark on PR6. It was lackluster to say the least, and god awful boring and untalented to say more. And Irina won for her salute to the tight black pants and the helmet look.
The best thing about the finale?
When they advertised PR7 coming up in January and made special note that they'd be back in NYC--where they belong--and it would be all Heidi and Tim and Michale and Nina. I forgive you for this season, but don't do it again.

4 comments:

frogponder said...

Comments sooooooooooo much better than the judges. Especially the Swifter Sweater. LOLOLOL.

Mark in DE said...

Like you, I had to do a double-take when Nina said "best finale ever". No, Nina darling. The best finale ever had Christian Siriano and Rami in it, m'kay?

This season AND the designers were boring, boring, boring. Let's hope to god that season 7 will be better.

BTW - I thought Carol Hannah was robbed.

Mike, Studio city said...

This time it wasn't the best. But at least they are making an effort to find good talented people.

Allan S. said...

Okay so my face hurts from laughing. I needed that today. Thank you darling.