Ding! Dong! The Witch Is.....Yada Yada Yada

Yes, folks. She cried. Holding back tears, Oprah Winfrey told her studio audience this morning that she is going to take her bloated sense of self, I mean, her show, off the airwaves in September 2011. Speaking for the airwaves, I say, Whoooooooooooosh!

Oprah said she had given much prayer to the thought of ending her show, and I say, Me too. Honey, I been praying since before your hair went all Patti Labelle on us in the 90s. I was praying before you dragged out the wagon'o'fat. I was praying....okay, I've been praying for this a lot.

Now, before you get all, Ooh, I'ma miss Oprah on me, let me remind you that Miss Thang-and-a-half will debut her own cable network [called OWN because she OWNs it] just a few months after she signs off regular TV, so don't think she's going away. She ain't. Her head's too big for that. Not to mention her.....oh, that's just too easy.

The Big O said that she intends on producing the best possible shows during her last 18 months on the air. Which is Oprah-speak for, I'ma give you a year-and-a-half of my greatness, so stop watching Ellen til I'm done.

Sorry, O, your ratings are down, your magazine is slipping, and you're suddenly quitting. Channeling Dana Carvey's Church Lady, I say, Well, isn't that convveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenient?

Buh-bye, Oprah, and take your brand of self-congratulating, ego massaging, puff piece interviews, and yo-yo weight gain with you. And toss Dr Phil, and Rachel Ray, and Dr Oz, in the trash on your way out. They're done, too.

I, for one...and I think there are more of us.....will only miss the joy I get from making sport of everything you are, and aren't.