Last night, EP Nine....Create An Extravagant Stage Look for Christina Aguilera. of course, create
the look after seeing the Bob Mackie installation at FIDM Museum. So, before, during and after the challenge it becomes clear that none of these designers, save for So-Out-He's-In Nicholas, has a clue who Bob Mackie and Christina Aguilera are, or what they do.
Let's rip 'em a new one, shall we?
Irina: I like it. It's young and hip, although I think a scarlet red would have worked wonders with Christina's platinum locks, and I don't quite get the Sailor Coat idea, but it's, in my opinion, the best of a bad lot. And Irina is becoming the bitch of the season--better late than never. But for the love of Halston, woman, design something fabulous. Don't just make it work, make it bitch slap me.
Carol Hannah: This is the winner. This is the winner? It looked better on TV last night with the sequins and feathers and silks and mattes than it does in this picture. But it's a little too long. Make it a show-stopping mini next time that shows off a diamnon encrsted crotch [Hey, Mackie likes it!] instead of making it into Christina's show opener in the Return To Candy Land Tour of 2038.
Althea: Rule of thumb, just because you buy a hundred yards of fabric doesn't mean you have to use a hundred yards of fabric. I swear, the nine-foot train on that dress was trying to split off and mutate into it's own creation as it walked down the runway. And forgive me, Althea, but what's with the moulting dead buzzard coat? Seriously. Did you pick that up on the 405 on your way in last night?
Logan: I don't get your hype. Every time I see you in your Confessional Moments wearing that ridiculous hat I try to figure how who you remind me of. That scrubbed face, those red lips. Then it hit me. It's all too Faye-Dunaway-As-Joan-Crawford-In-Mommie-Dearest. Really, get some color, man!
Now, for the dress. Um, is Christina doing a Pebble Flintstones album? Because if she is, this is too pathetic even for that. And, we have yet another jacket made from the scraps of road-kill tossed over the shoulders. Enough, y'all, m'kay?
Nicholas: Just because you won with the Ice Princess design in the Genre Episode, doesn't mean you get to do it again, only make it shorter and take the feathers off the shoulders and glue to the hem. You're a big old One-Note-Gasping-Retread-Queen, so, be gone. And take that thing on your head that should be hair if it ever saw a bottle of shampoo with you.
Christopher: I want to like you. I do. Your vampire dress in the Genre Episode was one of my favorites, but why, Christopher, why, did you think dressing Christina like a hooker was the way to go? She was dressing like a hooker nine years ago. She's moved on, so should you. But, and this is a big but, if you're gonna dress Christina like a hooker, don't use old Starsky and Hutch episodes for inspiration. She does not work for Huggy Bear.
Gordana: First off, Love.The.Accent. I keep waiting for Moose and Squirrel. And count your lucky stars that this season PR is in Hollywood, because apparently you broke into the MGM costume vaults and stole one of Esther Williams old swimsuits and then stapled some drapery panels to the bottom. And, in a way, I guess it works, because...........wait for it...............your designs are all wet.
Get it? Esther Williams? Designs are all wet?
God, I'm old.
Shirin: Buh-Bye. I just wanted to get that out of the way. Now, I'll do Nina: From the waist up, I see some promise. I see a hint of what could have been. But from the waist down it looks like you channeled Althea and threw all the fabric you had on the dress. This isn't Christina Aguilera a la Bob Mackie. I mean Bob Mackie could have taken the same amount of fabric and made a hundred-and-seventy-five dresses for Cher out of it, with a headress and handbag thrown in for good measure.
I went and looked up Christina Aguilera. She is 5'1.5" tall! Althea's dress with the train she would have been trying manfully to haul it down the runway. And the enormous skirt of Shirin would have made her look like one of those Barbies in a birthday cake.
ReplyDeleteLove the recap! I really liked this episode--but what was produced sure wasn't what I expected.
ReplyDeleteGordana: She needs to stick around just for her accent and comments. I love it. And I do think she has some good talent.
Logan: This boy needs to go home. He should have gone this week. I've been over him for some time now. I'm tired of the editors of the show trying to show us that he is attractive and straight and that we should all be swooning. I don't know if any of these are true! HAHA. He is attractive, but come on. He's not THAT attractive.
My FAVORITE part was Nina's comment: "That was taste . . . LESS!"
Indeed, another dreadfully boring episode of PR, more noteworthy for the disappointment than for the designs. Christopher, you can be good, why not try to be it? Irina, designing for Macy's Junior Department might win this season, how sad. Logan, you are lucky all the judges want in those silver pants, because you have yet to design anything at all. At all.
ReplyDelete