Monday, April 05, 2021

They Say He's The World's Hottest Bald Man ... I Disagree

The UK’s highly-esteemed literary journal tabloid newspaper, The Sun, has decided who the sexiest bald man in the world is, and, well, missed it. They claim their 100% completely accurate and factual and scientific decision was helped by the good folks at “cosmetic surgery specialists Longevita” who have said the Sexiest Bald Man in the World is … Prince William.

Prince William? Prince William? According to the “researchers” at Longevita, they put their list together by looking at how many times a bald famous man has been described as “sexy,” “hot,” or “attractive” in blogs and pages found in Google searches, and have decreed that Harry’s older brother has been described as “sexy” or “hot” or “attractive” at least 17.6 million times. 

I wonder how many times Kate went online …anyway, here is Longevita’s “list” of the sexiest bald men in the world:

Prince William – 17.6 million

Mike Tyson – 8.8 million

Jason Statham – 7.4 million

Pitbull – 5.4 million

Michael Jordan – 5.3 million

Floyd Mayweather – 4.3 million

John Travolta – 3.8 million

Bruce Willis – 3.3 million

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – 2.6 million

Vin Diesel – 2.3 million

First off, William isn’t technically bald, he’s balding, but lets skip right over that and get to …Mike Tyson? Pitbull? Travolta? Dwayne Johnson? Who in the world would ever describe these men as hot or sexy and bald. I mean, Dwayne Johnson looks like an eraser. Vin Diesel? Bruce Willis?

No, honey, not on my watch. I love a good hot bald man and not one of these, least of all Prince Bill, is what I’d call hot … though Jason Statham does come closest, and even he is actually balding.

So. Let’s make this about me, and who I think are the sexiest bald men in the world, in no particular order. Oh, who am I kidding, The Tooch comes in at #!::

Stanley Tucci

Mark Strong 

Morris Chestnut 

Sir Patrick Stewart

Taye Diggs

Jason Statham

Boris Kodjoe

Common

Corey Stoll

Samuel L. Jackson

Kelly Slater

Tyson Beckford

Billy Zane

Christopher Meloni

Luke Goss

Bill doesn’t even make the cut on my list!

What do you think? Do you find follicly-challenged men attractive? And, if so, who? 

22 comments:

Helen Lashbrook said...

Stanley Tucci YES; Duke William of Nowhere in Particular NO!

the dogs' mother said...

All the fellows are handsome.
xoxo :-)

uptonking said...

I like your list better. Meloni and Tucci both boinged my boing a long time ago. I do agree with PitBull, though he has to keep his dark glasses on and call me names. Well, that's true with all of them, except Tucci. He's to adore and cherish me and pimp me out. John Amos also makes my list. I have a long list. Sigh. Thanks for this. Grrr.

Treaders said...

I must admit I had already thought of Stanley Tucci before I saw your list. Bruce Willis definitely has that twinkle in his eye, but Boris Kodjoe - wow! Never heard of him before! I would have put a younger Connery in there too but can't stand him because he was an AH!

Raybeard said...

Absolutely with you at having Stan T. at #1.

BootsandBraids said...

I felt sorry for the prince when I saw his being named Sexiest Bald Man. I figured it's just his public relations people, as part of the plan to make him and Kate (they had her wearing a PINK suit shortly after) look like the good guys, and victims, after the Oprah interview. Instead, that title made William look pathetic and ridiculous. He needs to fire this public relations team, which is probably some out of touch up tights who think the optics of Kate in pink and William being named sexiest would be good for their image. Instead, it's making William the object of ridicule and Kate look a bit desperate.

Dave R said...

I'm voting for Corey! As for their list? The minute you see Travolta's name you know it's pure bullshit.

Deedles said...

Stanley Tucci, YUMMERS! To me, though, Balder Half is the sexiest. He's never been a model type, but his personality and humor still revs my motor.
I like Dwayne Johnson (dorky name and all) for the same reason. Hair has nothing to do with it.
Prince William, in my humble opinion, wasn't sexy even with hair. He seems kind of dull. I do like your list, Bobulah. Kodjoe is gorgeous!

anne marie in philly said...

michael jordan for me

jaime said...

But, in my humble opinion, the sexiest bald man of all time is Yul Brynner.
Telly Savalas had that certain something as well.

I do like Bruce Willis, Sir Patrick Stewart and a few others.

Dwayne Johnson looks like an eraser. OMG! Best description ever.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Must have been a slow news day at "The Sun."

Bob said...

@Helen
William was cute when he was younger but now? Not so much.

@TDM
You're being too kind! =)

@uptonking
I'd like to be the eat in a Tucci-Meloni sammich!

@Treaders
I think, for me, Connery's older self 86'd his shot for my list. And Boris is dreamy!

@Raybeard
I have always had a wee crush on Tucci!

@Boots
That whole story smacks of a set-up in the wake of Harry and Meghan's interview.

@Dave
Corey is adorable.
Travolta? He's travolting!

@Deedles
I'm sure your balder half is dreamy!
Dwayne Johnson repels me, both in looks and personality. I cannot with him.

@AM
You can have him; he doesn't really flood my basement.

@jaime
Yul and Telly had "something" didn't they.
And every time I see Dwayne Johnson I think Eraser Head.

@Debra
Slow news day for me, here, too!

Moving with Mitchell said...

I respect Prince William. But the sexiest bald man in the world? Mike Tyson?!? Pitbull?!? John Travolta?!? That's probably the worst list (IMHO) they could have come up with. Well, it is The Sun. I love YOUR list and agree with it (although, Luke Goss, not so much). I DO find bald men extremely attractive and sexy (well, at least the attractibve and sexy ones), which is odd because I'm bald and often wish I still had hair -- even though I've been told I look better with shaved head. Go figure.

Deedles said...

@Moving with Mitchell- You'd make my top ten list, Scoot!

It's Just Jake said...

We got to see Yul Brynner's "something", years ago when that was rare.
I like that Common is in your center square. I don't do his music, or that beard; but as an actor, and bald person, he is very under-rated.

Mistress Maddie said...

William?!?!?!?! He is about as hot as the bottom of a iceberg floating in the
Antarctic Ocean.

VRCooper said...

Yes...Love them all...Prince W. I am afraid not. Please!! Besides being blad what else do you exude-charm, grace, sensuality, sexuality... Now the Tucci and Melonie...Just take your pick with the others...Prince W. ... Let's just call him a spare. In case of an emergency break glass type thing.

Sixpence Notthewiser said...

Oh, dear.
Your list is WAY hotter. Like by 300 degrees.
Tucci, Meloni, Statham. And Hello, Kelly Slater... HELLO!

XOXO

Moving with Mitchell said...

Dear Deedles:
Promise me you'll never get your vision corrected! I'll bet Balder Half is Number One!

Anonymous said...

Being a tennis nerd, I've had a crush on James Blake for a long time. And he's smart, big player in professional poker.

Travel said...

Kind of like how media rate the best schools, the best places to live, the best places to retire, the criteria had nothing to do with the issue.

Steve Reed said...

I think Prince William is pretty cute, actually, but he's a little young for me. Tucci, Statham and Corey Stoll definitely. I did not even know there's a person named "Pitbull."