I Didn't Say It ...

Matt Gaetz, [Q-FL], suddenly announcing he has a new career lined up on the very same day it was announced he was being investigated for child sex trafficking:

“Yes. I’ve had many conversations with many people about life after Congress. These conversations have been very general in nature and have never included me soliciting or receiving an offer of employment. There is not a single conservative television station I haven’t had a passing conversation with about life after Congress. I have neither received nor solicited offers from any of them. But yes, I’ve talked to either executives, producers or hosts at Newsmax, OAN, Fox, Fox Business, Real America’s Voice and probably others I’m forgetting in this moment as I focus intently on refuting false accusations against me.”

Nice try, Matt, but then a Fox News spokesman said:

“No one with any level of authority has had conversations with Matt Gaetz for any of our platforms and we have no interest in hiring him.”

Ouch. But I hear they’re hiring at the prison laundry. Though sex traffickers might not be allowed in Gen Pop.

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Chris Columbus, film director, not the murderer of Native Peoples, has confirmed the existence of an R-rated version of Robin Williams’ Mrs. Doubtfire:

"The reality is that there was a deal between Robin and myself, which was, he’ll do one or two, three scripted takes. And then he would say, ‘Then let me play.’ And we would basically go on anywhere between 15 to 22 takes, I think 22 being the most I remember. He would sometimes go into territory that wouldn’t be appropriate for a PG … "

I sure hope they release it because I need some Williams riffing without barriers!

Plus an NC-17 Doubtfire would be a riot!

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Lindsey Graham, today on Fox News Sunday:

“I would challenge [Chuck Schumer] to bring the assault weapons ban to the floor of the United States Senate. It won’t get 50 votes, much less 60. I own an AR-15. If there’s a natural disaster in South Carolina where the cops can’t protect my neighborhood, my house will be the last ones that the gangs will come to because I can defend myself.”

Bitch, please, you’d be too busy cowering in a corner, clutching your pearls, and wishing you had a man in the house to fire a gun. Hell, you’d probably shoot yourself first.

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Mick Mulvaney, former chief of staff for the twice-impeached, one-term loser, calling his former boss a bit of a liar about the Capitol riots:

“I was surprised to hear the President say that. Clearly there were people who were behaving themselves, and then there were people who absolutely were not. But to come out and say that everyone was fine and there was no risk, that’s just manifestly false—people died, other people were severely injured. It’s not right to say there was no risk, I don’t know how you can say that when people were killed.”

Nice Mick, but, um, yeah, then why did you also add that you’d vote for him in 2024? Cuz you like working with blatant liars?

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Michele Bachman, speaking on a “prayer call” about the current president:

“I want everyone to realize what we’re living through and what we’re witnessing is a coup. This is called a coup, and a coup is a political term, and what it means is an unlawful, unauthorized takeover of a legitimate government. America had a legitimate government, but this is an unauthorized, illegal takeover through voter fraud in last November’s election, and now H.R. 1 [will] forever cement that illegal takeover into place. Make no mistake about it—what we’re watching is a coup. You see this in third-world countries. It’s happening in the greatest country in the world, the United States, but it is a coup.”

Oh Michele, instead of just speaking out of your ass, prove voter fraud; prove it. Go ahead, we’ll wait while an actual decent human being and legitimately elected president rights this ship.

And then, ma’am, kindly fuck all the way off.

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Billy Porter, actor, singer, fashion icon, on his life, good and bad, after arriving at the Oscars in that custom Christian Siriano tuxedo gown:

“I thought back to when my friend Idina Menzel was at the Oscars [in 2014] to sing ‘Let It Go,’ from Frozen, and John Travolta mispronounced her name onstage I literally said out loud, ‘She’s going to be a household name in less than 24 hours.’ And she was. As funny as it may sound, I’m a businessman, and wearing that [Oscars] dress was a business decision, in a sense. People were like, ‘Oh, he’s just trying to get attention.’ Well, yeah, I’m in show business! It’s part of my job. Otherwise, I don’t eat. I used to get frustrated that women could wear whatever they wanted and men had to show up in the same penguin suit. The reason why women wearing pants is considered OK by society’s standards is because it comes from the patriarchy. The patriarchy is male, so suits are strong, and anything feminine is weak. I was sick of that discussion, and I knew my platform allowed me to challenge it. [The hate from the right] was based on this idea that I’m coming to get their children because of the way I dress. What is that? I’m over here minding my own business. So why is it triggering you? At that moment, I was grateful that I am a man of a certain age, because when you become a certain age, zero f—s are given. I don’t now, nor will I ever, adjudicate my life or my humanity in [other people's] sound bites or responses on social media. Simultaneously, it still hurts to have people come after me for nothing. When Lady Gaga dresses up and performs a song on TV as if she’s a man [Jo Calderone at the 2011 MTV VMAs], no one bats an eye. They receive her as an artist who’s playing with different silhouettes and ideas. Same with David Bowie. When white and straight people do it, they’re considered artists. When I do it, I’m a perversion. The answer to that from me is no.”

After the Oscars Porter was invited to appear on Sesame Street in his Siriano gown, and then Jason Rapert, a Republican Arkansas state senator, slammed PBS for using taxpayer dollars to promote, ahem, “a radical LGBTQ+ agenda,” adding that he could pass a bill to “cut off all funding” to the network.

Luckily, like Porter, Sesame Street has been around a while and they also have zero fucks to give.

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