Bobservations

Our friends—Roger and Thomas—are members of a private club in Smallville called Springdale Hall. It’s mostly a place to have dinner and drinks but is very exclusive. We have eaten there a couple of times as Roger and Thomas’s guests, but it’s definitely not our kind of place; too frou-frou, too hoity toity, too from another era, and not a good one.

Last week my boss—also not a member but desperate to be one—told me how people join Springdale Hall. First, you have to be recommended by three members, and, if that happens, you are invited to Springdale for a cocktail party where you are introduced to the members, who then vote on whether or not you are the right kind of people. But here’s the best[?] part: The club puts your name on the wall and the members sign the wall ‘Yes’ or ‘No,’ and can actually write a reason why they vote ‘No.’

I came home and told Carlos all about this mess and he said:

“I’m a nearly blind, disabled, homosexual Mexican …”

“Great! Now we’ll never get in!!”

And we’re both good with that, though I’d love to see what people would write on the walls about us!

Tuxedo is also overjoyed at the idea that, somewhere in Mar-a-Lago, Thing #45 is throwing an epic hissy fit.

Former Vice President Michael Elizabeth Pence underwent surgery to have a pacemaker implanted after experiencing “symptoms associated with a slow heart rate.”

Funny, I didn’t think he had a heart, or if he did, Mother kept it in a velvet bag in her jewelry box alongside his balls.

Did you hear about the two women—Amanda McCormick and Linda Johnson—who used a fake $1 million bill to purchases a few items at a Tennessee Dollar General store?

Yes, they did. McCormick says she received the “bill” from a church and decided to use it at Dollar General to buy things for care packages for homeless individuals.

Perhaps, she might have used it to get herself some mental help.

SIDENOTE: These white women were not arrested, not handcuffed, not held down by three cops, ,and didn’t have another officer kneel on their necks until they were dead because … white.

Another Carlos tidbit … you know, because I’ve told you, that he is in Spice Jail for excessive usage of spices in his cooking, resulting in his husband’s stomach being all sorts of flip-floppy and gross. And he has been better at limiting his spice usage, but …

The other night he made dinner. Grilled Pork Chops and Mashed Potatoes with Scallions and Kalamata Olives, and Sauteed Vegetables. He served dinner and it looked delicious; the pork was juicy and flavorful; the mashed potatoes were wonderful; the veggies … ?

Oh, the veggies. He’d made a mix of onion, peppers, mushrooms, asparagus tips and, what I thought was zucchini. It was not zucchini; it was cucumber; he … cooked … cucumber. Let that sink in … he … cooked … cucumber. And, because he thought the veggies needed a little zing, he opened a jar of pepperoncini’s and poured the brine into the veggies.

Yes. He did. I am signing him up for cooking classes before he kills me.

PS I have heard that you can cook cucumbers, but that doesn’t mean you should,

A herd of breeding elephants trampled a suspected poacher to death while he tried to flee from South African park rangers.

Karma. I love her.

More Karma … after saying last week that COVID-19 was no big deal because no one ever quarantined for COVIDS one through eighteen, asshat, wingnut, moron Ted Nugent tested positive for COVID-19.

Of course, because he’s a racist asshat, he called it the “Chinese s–t.” One can only imagine how sick he might have gotten if he’d had any of the first eighteen COVIDS.

And finally we have Danilo d'Agostino, an Instagram ‘star’ and model from Turin, Italy who is also a pianist and inspiring actor. Yes, he took his Instagram account, where he posted pictures of himself, as some people do, and turned it into a rather lucrative modeling contract, so, you see, Instagram can be used for good.