I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Last week in Bobservations we talked about that new book coming out about Melanie* … written by [former] friend, Stephanie Winston Wolkoff.

Wolkoff came to work for Melanie for the inauguration and then stayed … until they had a falling out, and she left, and wrote Melania and Me: The Rise and Fall of My Friendship With the First Lady.

We learned last week that Melanie hates her husband’s other wife … no, not Ivana and not Marla, but the Daughter-Wife, Ivanka. But now we hear that Melanie isn’t Poor Melanie, she’s really an awful person who made her bed, lay down in it, and put her heels to Jesus because …. Coins.

Wolkoff spoke to Vanity Fair about the book and had this to say about Melanie’s ‘I Don’t Care, Do u’ coat, which she says was a purposeful choice and meant to be rude and bitchy. Wolkoff says Melanie told her:

“I’m driving liberals crazy. You know what? They deserve it.”

Ho said what? And then Melanie, who said she cared about children and bullying of children, was glad they put kids in cages at the border:

“They all went crazy about the zero-tolerance policy at the border. But they don’t know what’s going on. The kids I met were brought in by coyotes, the bad people who are trafficking, and that’s why the kids were put in shelters. They’re not with their parents, and it’s sad. But the patrols told me the kids say, ‘Wow, I get a bed? I will have a cabinet for my clothes?’ It’s more than they have in their own country where they sleep on the floor. They are taking care nicely there. Did Michelle Obama go to the border? She never did. Show me the pictures!”

Bitch, please, do not ever compare yourself to Michelle Obama. She went to Harvard and Princeton, is no man’s trick or third wife, and you are a Lesbian Softcore Porn Model. Take a seat, Karen.

Melanie also refused to move to D.C. until the shower and toilet in the White House residence had been replaced, until her office and closets were painted bright pink and until she had a glam room built in the residence.

But the best of all is how utterly ignorant Melanie is, because her first Christmas after the election, she actually sent out cards calling herself ‘First Lady-Elect.

Yes, Melanie believed America elected her First Lady. And she also believed her husband’s pussy grabbing, and porn star fucking and little girl ogling, and affairs were … how did she say it:

“It’s politics. I know who I married.”

Tee hee; she said married, when what she meant was, ‘I know who signed the check.’

And Melanie talked about her battles with her husband’s girlfriend, Ivanka,  over who was the real First Lady. It seems Ivanka and her staff wrote to Melanie about cohosting several events traditionally hosted by just the first lady, but Melanie wasn’t playing:

“Are you kidding me? Seriously? I’m not co-hosting.”

For the annual luncheon held for the governors’ spouses that Ivanka wanted in on, Melanie said:

“We need to let her know that I know this is a First Lady event done every year … OMG. They just want to take credit for it.”

Even better, er, pettier, is that every single dress Ivanka wore by a name designer, Melanie would scratch that designer off her list. And she refused to follow Michelle Obama’s policy of wearing American designers because, like her husband, if it was done by an Obama it would be undone by a _____.

Again, at first I felt sorry for this bitch because I don’t think she wanted to be First lady, but, you know, she took the coins, signed the contracts, spread her legs and did the deed, so let her pay for it.

*I call her Melanie because that’s what her husband called her in a Tweet a few years ago, and if her own husband can’t get her name right, why should I?

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Mariah Carey has new, old music coming out on the 30th anniversary of her first album, with the release of The Rarities—rare and unreleased songs from her career—and a book she, um, “wrote,” The Meaning of Mariah Carey. And she is promoting all this like mad and spilling tea everywhere … like if Eminem should be worried about the memoir and their affair.

Mariah tosses this word salad:

“There’s some songs that I can sing in response to that, but I will not do it. If somebody or something didn’t pertain to the actual meaning of Mariah Carey, as is the title, then they aren’t in the book.”

Oh, the shade! And then she dishes Ellen DeGeneres because, well, 2020 and everyone’s doing it! She talks about a 2008 interview when there were rumors Carey was pregnant. Mimi says Ellen was determined to get the news on her show and so she dared Mimi to drink Champagne until she was forced to announce her pregnancy. She miscarried soon after, but says now:

“I was extremely uncomfortable with that moment is all I can say … I don’t want to throw anyone that’s already being thrown under any proverbial bus, but I didn’t enjoy that moment.”

She doesn’t want to throw anyone under the bus while actually doing the throwing under said bus.

I guess there’s more in the book but it’s probably crayon drawings of butterflies and old Polaroids of Mimi taken of the right side of her face only, and nary a mention of her disastrous New Year’s Eve performance because, none of that is important to being Mimi.

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This week, in the forever ongoing relationship between divorced lovebirds Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, we learned that  Depp asked to delay their courtroom production of HeSaidSheSaid so he could film Fantastic Beasts 3. And so, while there will be a delay, there will also be another court case for these two wacky kids.

Amber Heard is now counter-suing Depp for ALLEGEDLY launching a “smear campaign” against her, and she wasn’t just talking about the layer upon layer of grease in Johnny’s hair.

Amber says she is “fighting back” against Johnny’s continued abuse, though if she’d just walk away, and ignore him, would there really be any abuse? I mean, these two seem to get off suing one another and airing the ugliness of their love in public, so shutting up might be an option?

When Johnny filed a $50 million suit against Amber—who claims it’s a pathetic attempt to, “remain relevant as his star otherwise wanes”—Amber filed a $100 million lawsuit of her own.

I see your $50 million and raise you $50 million.

Amber says she’s only suing because Depp says nasty things about her while she’s busy saying nasty things about him. She wants to be compensated because Johnny has publicly called her “cunt,” “whore,” “disgusting pig,” and “inhuman scum” and even changed a tattoo of her nickname, SLIM, to now read, SCUM.

I’ll stop for a minute because that’s some good shiz, though probably not worth $100 million.

Amber also claims Johnny “controls” hundreds of bots and social media accounts created specifically for the purpose of targeting her, saying some could even be tied to Russia.

I guess that could be true because we know Johnny spends no time bathing and putting on clean clothes, but I also have another idea …when Amber divorced Johnny, and won a huge settlement, she made a big play of giving most of the money away. Now it looks like she needs the coins and a new lawsuit is as easy as getting a job.

Just sayin’.

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After 24 years of marriage, Nicole Young has filed for divorce from Dr. Dre—real name Andre Young—an, as happens when love flies out the window, it all turns to the coins.

Dr. Dre wants to keep most of his ALLEGED $840 million fortune, so he wants their nearly three-decade old pre-nup enforced, even though he once tore it up in a romantic gesture, and even though Nicole says she was pressured to sign it.

And so she ain’t going down without a fight and while they will argue and argue and argue over how much she gets in the end, she’s asking for … wait for it, I love it …$2 million a month in temporary support… or $2800 a day.

Nicole filed legal papers claiming that she and Dre lived a quite high life and she needs $2 million a month to keep it going. She says she played an important part in Dre’s career and “was integral” to naming his hit record label Aftermath.

Wait, what? She helped pick out a name and thinks that earns her $2400 a day?

Yes, she does; she says she and Dre own five homes in Los Angeles, a multimillion-dollar private jet and yacht, numerous luxury cars, and an army of staff including a private chef, 12 security guards, 7 housekeepers, and more.

This is gonna get ugly … let me get some tea, pop some corn, and take my seat in the shade.

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I’m just gonna say this … I’ve long dreamt of Channing Tatum as a Fairy Princess and now, thanks to his daughter, I have an actual image I can use.

Yes, buff hunk Channing, with one of the most photogenic asses to ever appear on film, dressed as a fairy—in a splatter paint apron paired with a sleeping princess eye mask, pink, horned dragonfly double wing set, and buff toned guns—to read a children’s book, The One and Only Sparkella, that he wrote. And he posted his fairy picture on social media, saying:

“Guys, I don’t know about you but things got a little weird for me in quarantine. I ended up accidentally locking myself in my 7 year old daughter’s room. And I ended up finding my inner child. So this is what I created for my little girl. From what is, I guess, the little girl in me. Thanks for reading.”

And he dedicated the book to his little girl:

“To Everly, the most brilliant magical being that I have ever known. You are my greatest teacher. My only wish is for more time in this life to play in all of the magical realms we have created. This is also for all Dads that might have a little girl … Wear whatever, dance however, and be as magical as you can. Because I promise they will return the love.”

I’m giving him props for finding his inner girl, but I am more interested in his outer man.

Just sayin’.

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