I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I learned a loooong time ago that you don’t fu— mess with Naomi Campbell. I mean, I still have a cell phone dent in my melon from pissing her off.

So, I pity Naomi’s ex-boyfriend, billionaire Valdislav Doronin, who left her for Knaomi-Knockoff Luo Zilin. I pity him because he is asking for all the money that he ALLEGEDLY lent to Naomi during their five years together.

Naomi and Vlad dated from 2008 to 2013, and just now, seven years later, he wants his coins back? Сука пожалуйста … Russian for, ‘Bitch, please.’ It’s a good thing that Vlad is rich, because he’s gonna need extra security now that he’s pissed off The Diva.

Vladislav filed the lawsuit against Naomi, claiming that she has refused to pay back the money he loaned her—though he cannot remember how much he gave her—and is keeping some of his “personal property” that he ALLEGES is worth about $3 million.

One thing he’s not asking to be returned is the house, in the shape of the Eye of Horus, on Cleopatra Island in Turkey that he gave her.

Vlad better keep one eye open when he sleeps because, as I said, you don’t fu— mess with Naomi.

Ev.Er.

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Publishing house Harper Collins is suing Lindsay Lohan for nearly $400,000, claiming the actress never delivered a manuscript for a book deal struck over six years ago.

Seriously? You gave Lohan 400K six years ago and expected her to write a book? I once gave her four bucks to read a book and I’m still waiting.

At any rate, according to the lawsuit, Lohan and her company Crossheart Productions, entered into a contract with HarperCollins in 2014 for a book that was originally due a year later. The publishing house gave Crossheart a $365,000 advance for the deal which “was given to Lohan,” but the manuscript—about her 2013 stint in rehab--never materialized, even after she was given a two-year extension on the deadline.

Oh Harper Collins, the only book Lindsay is capable of writing is how she can get a publishing house to give her nearly half-a-million dollars to write a book … and then never write it.

 And that 400K is long gone …probably in Twizzlers and vodka.

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Ellen DeGeneres’ talk show is premiering later this month and will apparently start the new season with Ellen trying to dig herself out of the massive hole her ego and ALLEGED meanness have gotten her into. The first show back will be September 21, without a studio audience, because we’re still in the middle of a pandemic and Ellen don’t like no Booing.

She is set, again ALLEGEDLY, to discuss the ALLEGATIONS of foul behavior of her former senior production team—Kevin Leman, Ed Glavin, and Jonathan Norman—and ALLEGATIONS that she’s a cold unfeeling shrew to her staff and crew, that she knew employees were treated like shit and did nothing about it, and that she ALLEGELY tried to save a few coins by filming the show at one of her seven LA mansions using a non-union crew.

And this all comes with the newest stories that working in one of Ellen’s many homes is also a nightmare. A source, who claims to have worked at one of Ellen and Portia de Rossi's many homes, ALLEGES that Ellen is a nightmare to work for, hyper-demanding and extremely picky. Ellen would be set off by a misplaced saltshaker, or the amount of foam in her latter, and would start each morning giving her staff a list of complaints from the previous day:

“Sometimes she would yell at us, but it was more about the incredibly condescending tone she would use. She treated you like you were nothing. She was going to torture you and you were just going to sit there and listen to it because you were being paid. Ellen was the worst person that I’ve ever met in my life. She takes pleasure in firing people. Before I took the position, people were warning me not to take it.”

It sounds like Ellen’s first show back isn’t going to be all comedy and dancing, but more apologizing and bowing and scraping.

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Lastly some loooong overdue Good News …

After infesting the airwaves for what feels like an eternity in Hell, but has really been Lucky 13 years, Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes is Kancelled!

Oh, don’t despair, that Klan will be back. They just realized they could make many more Koins on some streaming service and told E! to kiss their ginormous asses. I mean, c’mon, it takes a lot of money to keep them in Botox and fillers and Cher’s old Las Vegas showgirl costumes.

Plus, there’s that whole Deal with the Devil that That Woman made thirteen years back and clearly Satan has come a’callin’ for his Koins.

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