Saturday, January 23, 2016

It's Snarkurday!

Well, color me not surprised, but Kim Kardastrophe isn’t the only member of That Family to have a sex tape.

Appearing on Watch What Happens Live last Sunday night, Khloe Kardastrophe revealed that she and her sex-addicted ex-husband Lamar Odom also filmed themselves getting down and dirty:
“I’ve definitely recorded myself having sex with my ex-husband, but not like, talking to camera. You remember those little cameras, little video cameras, that was my jam for a moment.”
And now, somewhere in California, That Woman is sandpapering her fingertips and taking a class in safe cracking.

Sadly, though, I imagine that everyone in That Family has a sex tape, all the way from That Woman boning FDR back in the Lincoln Bedroom, to the young untalented one … whatever is her name? … boning a hobo on the Santa Monica Pier.

This is so Liza-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a!!

And it’s all in Barry Avrich’s upcoming tell-all, “Moguls, Monsters and Madmen: An Uncensored Life in Show Business” in which he tells the story about meeting with Liza Minnelli to ask her to film a video to benefit AIDS research:
“I knocked on her door and a woman answered. She was wearing a colorful caftan, a matching turban and not a stitch of makeup . . . she told us to have a seat in the living room and that Ms. Minnelli would be with us shortly. I assumed this rather eccentric woman was Liza’s assistant or maid.”
Avrich sat and waited … and waited and waited and waited … for forty-five minutes for Minnelli to appear and when she finally did, he realized that it was Liza who’d answered the door and told him to wait for Ms. Minnelli.

I guess she was playing the dual role of maid and Madame that day.

Well well well, for the family who Drunken-Brawls-At-BBQs, and has an Abstinence-Preaching-Twice-Unwed-Mother, and a Homophobic-Ranting-Nit-Twit-Teenager, this is not so surprising but …

Track Palin — yes, his name is Track — the son of Mama Grizzly Bore™, was arrested this week on domestic violence charges after he got himself liquored up like mama taught him, grabbed an assault weapon, assaulted a woman and then tried to keep her from calling the police on his ass. He is being held without bail, and the question is …

Can he see Russia from his cell?

Oh, and a sidenote, Mama Grizzly Bore™ blames his drunken-firearm-brandishing-beat-down-of-a-woman on PTSD and ... wait for it ... it's rich ... President Obama.

Uh huh.

I guess with all the drama involving her son and her ex-husband, Madonna can be excused for forgetting the trivial parts of her life … like when she’s supposed to be onstage.

Madonna’s Rebel Heart Tour began back in September and she toured through December  — taking off for the holidays and family court — and then started touring again this month.

This week she did a show in Louisville, Kentucky that didn’t go so well. She pleased some of her fans, but pissed off many others after the show started three hours late and Madonna appeared to be drunk on stage. One fan said, “Madonna was very drunk” while another played it off, saying she was only “a lil drunk but funny.”

But then she pissed off even more people by trashing the people of Kentucky — where she was performing! — by speaking in a fake hillbilly accent that went over as well as her famous fake British accent.

Madonna heard about the complaining and she posted a response on Instagram, because she’s a fourteen-year … no offense to fourteen-year-olds:
Working on my stand up laying down. Good practice!!! Thanks Louisville! the tears of a clown soon to follow the #rebelheartour and for those people who like to believe all they read i never drink and perform!!! My show is 2 hours and 15 minutes of non stop singing and dancing. In Louisville I made a joke about doing a stand comedy act dressed as a clown and being able to drink alcohol. Its so very interesting how society continues to not only treat me in a totally sexist way (if i a were a man no one would have said a thing) and also continue to take everything i say literally! Thats what happens when people don’t read books and get all information from TMZ.
I guess those fans who say the show started three hours late were wrong, as were all the fans who said she was drunk. But the ones who say she’s an aging out-of-touch diva with little to no discernible talent, but an ego the size of a small car, are correct.

Oh, and later the same week she was two-and-a-half hours late to her Nashville concert, with Reba McEntire Tweeting live from the audience with updates, saying the show was to start at 8PM but Madonna didn’t come out until 10:31.

I believe Reba.

Now, howsabout some Tori Spelling juice that isn’t about her cheating husband and her crybaby “reality” show antics?

Okay, here it is: she’s being sued by Amex for not paying a nearly $38,000; well, she sent the coins, you know, but the check bounced.

Now, Tori grew up in the biggest house in LA County with a massively wealthy family, but she inherited less than a million and so she was forced to whore herself, her husband—who met one another while cheating on their spouses remember—and her children on television.
But all those coins weren’t enough to cover her Spelling-sized spending habits.

But Mama Candy came to the rescue and has admitted that she’s covering Tori's bills because Tori and Dean haven’t got two nickels to rub together. A paparazzo caught up with Candy, who inherited the bulk of her late husband, Aaron Spelling’s estate, and asked if she knew about Tori’s Amex debt and Candy seemed surprised but then said:
“I’ve been helping her out, I’m paying all her bills now. I’m not paying extras like that. I’m not paying any back payments, just for the house and the kids school and the food.”
And when asked how Tori could lose all her 90210 money, and reality money and book money and the nearly one million Daddy left her, Candy said:
I don’t know. Extravagance I guess.”

So, Jada Pinkett Smith has been in the news this week crying Oscar boycott because her husband didn't get a nomination; Will took to the news outlets himself today to give a word salad worthy of Mama Grizzly Bore™ about lack of diversity in the nominations without exactly crying about not getting a nod for his attempt at accent in ConcussionBut this is other Will and Jada news …

Alexis Arquette just snuck in on Facebook and slapped both Jada and Will for being closeted homosexuals …and how he won’t hear their talk of boycotting until they both some out:
“When Jada comes out as Gay and her beard husband admits his first marriage ended when she [his first wife] walked in to him butt servicing his Sugar Daddy Benny Medina … then I will listen to them. Will threw a fit on the set of Six degrees of seperation [sic] when he was required by the scene to kiss Anthony Rapp. He persuaded the director t shoot the back of his head in frame. Blocking the non existant [sic] lip lock entirely, Fuck him. Gays have enemies. They lurk in gilded closets. Outing is healthy. You are either with us or against us. You decide. Today.”
Alexis’ post has been deleted, but, as in all things internet, the screen shot lives forever.


Helen Lashbrook said...

If you perform in public dressed in clothes more suited for a brothel then the public has a right to comment on the sexist nature of your performance. It is quite possible to sing songs in public without exposing most of your body and then no-one is likely to start talking about mutton dressed as lamb or even more derogatory assertions

anne marie in philly said...

what, no mooriah carey and miley cyrus engagement snark?

liza without makeup (shudder). madonna being a bitch (so what else is new). the snowbilly palin clad being stoopid white trash (again).

meanwhile, 15 inches of snow and counting here...

the dogs' mother said...

What I wonder, and haven't found, is where were the Palin minor children during all this ruckus at her house? And pparently the warring couple showed up at Bristol's during their evening.

Raybeard said...

Re: Will Smith and that 'Six Degrees' non(?)-kiss.
The story at the time, as I remember it, was that Smith would have been willing to be seen kissing but it was Denzel Washington who warned him against it. I'd certainly heard that later Smith had regretted not doing it. However, that's only my recollection, and I'm willing to accept that I got it wrong.
Doesn't help Smith's 'credentials', though, that a few years ago in a film with (Heaven help us!) his SON, (I forget which film), he freely uses the word 'fag' as a term of abuse.

mistress maddie said...

first off, I have always loved Alexis Arquette. One knows up front what you get with her. As for the rest of this gang, some cheese wire may do just fine.

Blobby said...

The untalented Kardashian? Can you narrow that down somehow? And Made - it's not 'sexist'. Stop using that old excuse for your lack of talent. If I paid man, woman or child as much as you charge for a ticket for "singing", I'd complain too.

Fearsome Beard said...

I once went to a Maddona Concert. It started about 2 1/2 hours late as well. Other fans around me who had seen her multiple times said that she's always 2-3 hours late and took it in stride. I once went to a Madfona concert, I will not wait for her again. Ego the size of a Stretch Caddy is more like it.