Saturday, January 16, 2016

It's Snarkurday!

I don’t know if Katy Perry is still banging John Mayer or not, though I do know she should be wrapped in a FullBodyCondom™ for life for ever having banged him at all.

But … ALLEGEDLY … the two were together on New Year’s Eve and all sorts of cozy, but then cut to a couple of weeks later and Katy showed up solo … and old looking … at the Golden Globes and immediately starting flirting with that other walking STD, Orlando Bloom.

Yup, ALLEGEDLY the two hit it off, and then maybe hit it, during and after a Globes after party thrown by Harvey Weinstein. The duo was photographed all chatty and snuggly and whispery with one another. Orlando even took Katy’s phone at one point, possibly to enter his booty call phone number. And then Katy and her handlers decided to leave the party … with Orlando in tow.

But I guess it wasn’t all that, or else Katy decided John Mayer should be her only true booty call, because later that same week, at a Stella McCartney fashion show, Katy arrived first, and when Orlando showed up, she moved away from him and avoided him all night.

Katy could do better … not that she has. I mean, Russell Brand, John Mayer and Orlando Bloom? Sounds like a Triple Shot Trip to the Free Clinic.

Back in the fall of 2014, adulterers LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian were sued by their former maid, Gloria Cevallos, who claimed that she was being bullied and insulted by two other women on LeAnn and Eddie’s staff — she says the Cibrian's other help called her fat and ugly — and that Eddie’s mother wanted LeAnn and Eddie to fire Gloria.

Was Mama Cibrian worried that serial cheater Eddie would go Schwarzenegger on the maid?

Anyway, Gloria was fired, and then she sued for back pay and “front pay” — yup, she wanted Eddie and LeAnn to pay her salary in full until she found another job. Seriously? Who does she think she is? Marco Rubio?

Anyway, LeAnn got on her high horse and sang yodeled to every media outlet about the lawsuit, and claimed that Gloria was all about the “shameless money grab,” something LeAnn knows all too well … but, instead of taking Gloria to court, Eddie and LeAnn settled their suit, meaning they paid some cash to Gloria to stop saying they’re horrible people.

And I guess there was a Non-Disclosure Clause, because if there wasn’t, LeAnn would’a been all over Twitter with that hashtag.

Sherri Shepherd will not give up.

You know she married Lamar Sally, because she bragged about it on The View before they canned her; and she also bragged about using a surrogate to have a baby.

She did not, however, brag anywhere when the marriage fell apart and she tried to distance herself from the unborn child, saying she never wanted ‘it’ and certainly wasn’t going to pay for ‘it.’

But a judge disagreed and told Sherri, who gave up her parental rights, meaning Lamar has the child, that ‘it’ is her child and she will be paying child support until her son turns eighteen.

Sherri stomped and cried and begged and pleaded, and now she’s going back to court, appealing that Pennsylvania Superior Court decision all the way to the state supreme court. She doesn’t want to pay the $4,100 in monthly child support for the boy, and also doesn’t really want anyone to know that it was she who paid the more than $100,000 in fees to a New Jersey agency and supported the Pennsylvania surrogate’s pregnancy until her marriage faltered.

And only then did she say she didn’t want the child. Oh, and before I forget, Sherri wants y’all to know she’s a good Christian woman who is turning her back on her baby.

Just sayin’.

I need a Silkwood Scrubdown after this, but, according to sources, Josh Duggar and his wife Anna are expecting yet another child, their fifth, conceived while Josh was away at Sex Addict Rehab, or Sister Diddler Therapy, or Porn Star Screwing Camp or something.

It begs the question, though, that exactly what kind of sex addiction rehab clinic allows their patients to bone anyone while undergoing sex addiction therapy?

Anyway, Anna announced that she thinks she is pregnant again and believes the baby is a sign that God has forgiven Josh for his many sins.

God, for her part, issued this statement:

Oh hell no. Keep me outta this mess.

Meanwhile, back at media whore cheaters, LeAnn and Eddie Cibrian.

LeAnn took to Instagram around Christmas to proudly shoe off the diamond ring Eddie “gave” her as a gift. She even used the Ricky Martin Method of hashtagging the picture to death: #cushioncut #rosegold #happy #blessed #loved. And then she hashtagged it with the name of the jeweler and jewelry store that designed the ring: #Mantis7Jewels.

I could just #puke. But then I wondered, how many people receive “gifts” and then give a public — possibly paid — endorsement of the store that provided the “gift”? Unless, the gift wasn’t a gift at all, but a little something the jeweler and Eddie created to “give” LeAnn as long as she paid proper notice to the store.

Or, and this seems to be the case, given that the jeweler has said so: LeAnn designed the ring herself, and paid for it herself, and then Instagramed that it was a gift from Eddie.

Lotta thought went into that “gift,” eh, Eddie?

When Boy Bands fall, some members go on to do fairly well, and others, well, they seem to Nick Carter their way down.

Nick, a former member of The Backdoor Backstreet Boys, who has proudly proclaimed in recent years his successful stint in rehab and his sobriety, was arrested this week after ALLEGEDLY busting a drunken move at Hog’s Breath Saloon in Key West.

Carter and another dude — Michael Rae Papayans — showed up at the Hog’s Breath and were all kinds of wasted, so the bartender refused to get them any more drunk and told them to leave.

That set Michael off and he ALLEGEDLY head-butted the bar manager while Nick, not to be outdone by the crazy, choked the bouncer. The bar staff jumped in and pinned Nick and Michael to the ground until the police arrived at which point Michael Rae Papayans name-dropped, wait for it, Nick Carter … as in …

“That other bar brawler is the Nick Carter!”

Naturally, that didn’t help because, obviously, the Key West police are NSYNC fans.

Over there to The Voice, the judges chairs are rotating again, with Gwen Stefani taking this round off and former judge Christina Aguilera coming back.

And that did not sit well with Gwen’s media-boyfriend, and fellow guest judge, Blake Shelton, who apparently stomped his boots at the idea of not being able to ride this Gwake Sheltani business until it dies a much needed death.

And so the producers, fearing a Blake Exit, had no other choice but to bring Gwen back, but then, what about the Wrath of Aguilera?

Problem solved … Stefani will be back, as a mentor on “boyfriend’ Blake Shelton’s team.

I guess cowboy boots really do throw as mighty a hissy fit as diva stilettos.


Helen Lashbrook said...

So you are blessed by G*O*D if you get pregnant and are a sinner if you don't? I bet there are a lot of childless couples out there wondering where they went wrong according to the Duggars, if the Duggar #5 pregnancy is blessed by G*O*D.

the dogs' mother said...

Someday The Engineer is going to ask me what day it is and I'm going to answer, 'It's Snarkurday!' :-)

mistress maddie said...

Well I love Christina. She would most certainly eat Gwen....and Blake would be no match. But these stars this week....oh dear. They could put deodorant in 98 places and still STINK! you could put them all in a movie and do a remake...the Dirty Dozen!

anne marie in philly said...

time for a strong hefty bag for this garbage!

Blobby said...

As fair as talentless Perry goes - and shooting whip cream from your bra is NOT a talent! - I'm not sure she could do better than Bloom. But from Brandt, there is only one way to go: Up! Comparatively to the other two, Bloom is leaps and bounds better than the rest. Let's face it - she should be with an ass't manager of a Chipotle.

I don't think that Anna Duggar knows who the human reproductive system works. But there are Dummies books for her - of which I'm she has a library full of them.

Bea said...

I suspect, much like my JW family, Anna and her clan have a book-free household, save for scriptures, of course.

Mitchell is Moving said...

"God, for her part, issued this statement: Oh hell no. Keep me outta this mess."

Praise the Lord.