I Didn't Say It ...

Adele, in her cover story for TIME, on her hopes and dreams for her son:

“The other day I was saying, ‘Oh God, I’m finding this really hard again with a kid.’ I have no time for myself because in between doing this, all my spare time is with him. But then I realized, he’s been keeping me totally cool and calm about the whole thing. ... He makes me so proud of myself, and he makes me like myself so much. … I’m so proud of myself that I made him in my belly. Cooked him in my belly and then he came out of me! This human who’s suddenly walking around and doing his own thing. I can’t wait to know who his best friends are going to be, who his girlfriend or his boyfriend is going to be or what movies he likes… Whatever my kid wants to do or be I will always support him no matter what."

If I didn’t love Adele before, I love her now. Any child, gay or straight, needs a parent who will love them unconditionally, and love the person they love, too.

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Mandy Patinkin, on ending Islamophobia and costly wars:

“It is essential that we stop this paradigm of violence ... by that I mean, it hasn’t worked. It hasn’t worked, this violence ‘an eye for an eye.’ We have to come up with a new paradigm … and what is that new paradigm if war isn’t working? Where you spend $4 trillion on this war. What is being spent on the marginalized people in humanity? All of these wonderful Muslim men and women that have no education, no opportunity, no good schooling and so what do they do? They look for someone else who’s saying ‘will give you a better life.’ Why aren’t we taking that money that’s used for bombs, and making schools and hospitals and homes and opportunity?”

Imagine a world where the United States doesn’t spend billions on war, but instead spends it on erasing hunger and poverty and funding education and helping out those in need.

Wouldn’t that be a great place to live?

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Kim Davis, Kentucky Kounty Klerk and same-sex marriage opponent, on why God ‘chose’ her:

"How ironic that God would use a person like me, who failed so miserably at marriage in the world, to defend it now. The Lord picks the unlikely source to convey the message."

Perhaps she wasn’t really listening, because maybe God told her that since she had f**ked up her own marriages, time and again, she should not be judging anyone else’s right to marry.

Look, the bitch is a hypocrite who tells herself she can do whatever she wants because God … meanwhile God is watching, shaking her head and weeping at people like Kim Davis.

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Ben Carson, connecting Bill Clinton‘s sex scandal to the corruption of America’s youth:

“My main problem with it, is I saw innocent little kids… becoming coarser and wanting to know what certain things are that they’re hearing about on television––things that they would’ve never known about as kids before.”

Goddess help me, but this has got to be the dumbest human alive.

Kids weren’t watching the news and hearing about sex from Bill Clinton; they were hearing it about it, and probably experimenting with it, in the schoolyards, asshat.

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Josh Earnest, White House press secretary, on this year's birther battle:

“It would be quite ironic if after 7 or 8 years of drama around the president’s birth certificate if Republican primary voters were to choose Senator Cruz as their nominee. Somebody who actually wasn’t born in the United States and only 15 months ago renounced his Canadian citizenship.”

Oh.

Snap.

PS He's just so darn cute ... Josh Earnest, I mean, not Ted Cruz.

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