I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

So last week, at the end of our All-Lohan Special, was a small piece about a nightclub brawl between two guys best known for maybe being on the down-low or for boning Rihanna.

Now it looks more like, even though Drake and Chris were at the club, that the fight was actually between their two entourages. Yeah, they sent their posses to fight one another.

An eyewitness—probably Rihanna, after going down on a bouncer in the bathroom—said: “It was a huge fight… Chris and Drake never got in each other’s faces… It was entourage versus entourage, never Drake versus Chris.” 

Apparently, the opposing entourages were the ones really getting physical, and it was some unknown bystander…Rihanna…who threw the bottle at Chris’s face.

And while everyone seems to acknowledge that Drake was annoyed by Chris Brown—and who isn’t annoyed by Chris Brown—he was already out of the club when the two posses starting tussling. In fact, Drake’s mouthpiece says: “Drake did not participate in any wrongdoing of any kind last night at W.i.P. He was on his way out of the club when the altercation began. He did not engage in any activity which resulted in injury to a person or damage to property.”

And Chris Brown’s spokes-tool says Chris’ girlfriend Karrueche Tran and friends “were victims of a brutal attack last night at W.i.P. They sustained several injuries. Chris and his party are cooperating with New York authorities who are pursuing this incident further.”

So, basically it boils down like this: two little boys, both banging the same girl, see each other at a club and send their boys out to brawl.

Yeah, I actually think that’s what happened.

Sad little boys with overactive penises, big egos and access to liquor.

Lindsay Lohan loves her tits. I mean she’s done a Playboy shoot to show off her newly purchased boobies, and she’s romped on the beach in front of cameras as her funbags jiggled and jostled; she’s been photographed in all states of dress and undress with her cleavage on display and she’s even managed to sneak in several boob shots on her sure-to-be-craptatstic Liz & Dick movie.

But Lindsay wants us to think that she’s a good girl, a modest girl, and not some wacked-out-whoops-I-flashed-my-vagina and by-the-way-these-are-my-tits kinda girl.

See, last week I told y’all that Lohan was cast in Bret Easton Elli’s soft-core porn film, The Canyons, but now comes word that Lohan isn’t so sure about the film because, well, she’d have to show her breastages. And she’s too precious to show her ladybits that cost her a fortune.

A source—and you know it’s Dina trying to keep her daughter’s name in the press and not just for being found unconscious in a hotel room—says, “Lindsay and her team are concerned about the nudity that is involved. Lindsay would be required to do full frontal nudity, and the sex scenes are very, very graphic. Yes, Lindsay has posed nude for Playboy, but doing it in a movie is completely different. Lindsay needs to make sure that she is comfortable with it, and that this is something she can handle as an artist…..”

Let’s stop there. “As an artist?” Seriously, if that isn’t the most high-larious thing to call Lindsay Lohan, other than actress, I have yet to hear it. 
Let’s continue…“….. It’s expected that Lindsay will sign the contract in the next two weeks, as filming begins at the beginning of July. Lindsay has admired Bret’s work for a very long time, and one of her favorite movies is Less Than Zero.”

Dina needs to get her story straight. In the same breath that says Lindsay doesn’t want to do it, she says Lindsay is signing on to do it.

Seriously. Paying Lohan to take off her clothes is like paying Oprah to eat a cookie or paying Paris Hilton to smuggle coke in her cooch.

And then we have Nonresponsive Lindsay.

You know, all passed out in a hotel and so paramedics were summoned. And then all her enablers, mother, father, spokes-tool, lawyer, meth dealer, and the guy at the liquor store nearest her house, came out and said she was exhausted because she’d worked 85 hours in four days. Still, let’s be clear. It was the first time she’d actually worked in years, unless you count court dates, jail and rehab as work.

But then, after being found all unconscious and shiz, what did Lindsay do? Take a nap? Ask for time off because she’s such a hard worker?

No, what does Lindsay always do? Party.

Even “exhaustion” can’t keep a party girl down and after her near-death experience on Friday, she was out clubbing on Saturday night, at her usual spot, under the bar at the Chateau Marmont.
And from the looks of her, Lohgan had just come from the "set" because she was still wearing her brunette wig and cat-eye make-up. Chatting with a group of five johns, er, men, Lohan spent the night surrounded by celebs including Pretty Little Liars’ Ashley Benson, Busy Philipps and Haylie Duff…..

Let’s stop there. Celebs? Hardly. Semi-famous, maybe.

An eyewitness at the club—and I think it was Amanda Bynes who may or may not have driven her car into the pool because she was texting—says, “For someone so exhausted, it was shocking to see her out past 1 a.m.”

Not really, I mean, this is Lohan after all.

While countless masseurs, employees, and random men have come forward with tales of being sexually assaulted by John Travolta, it seems like Kelly Preston is gonna take an old country tune to heart and stand by her man. And maybe it’s because her, um, “religion” frowns upon critical thinking or asking questions.

And now comes word that Kelly is considering accepting Oprah Winfrey’s offer for a family reality show on the oh-so-doomed-it’s-hemorrhaging-millions OWN network. And the rumor is that she’s gonna do the show because she thinks it will convince the public that the Travolta's are a happy couple….

Where the husband likes to be groped by men and the wife lives under a rock.

Oprah had wanted some high-profile, Scientology-esque family, but Missus and Missus Tom Cruise turned her down, and Will and Jada are too busy dodging their own divorce rumors to participate, so Third Choice Kelly was asked. And if Kelly has her way, the Travolta’s might just accept the offer.

A source—and again, Dina Lohan—says, “John has a thick skin when it comes to these gay headlines, but Kelly suddenly realized that bringing cameras into their home might be the perfect way to show that she and John are a real husband and wife in a tight-knit, loving family. But while Kelly’s gung ho on the idea, she’s having a hard time convincing John – who’s refusing to have his private family life viewed under a microscope.”

Funny that he doesn’t feel that way about his, um, Swimsuit Area.

Madonna. On tour. Flashing tit and ass.

Desperately Seeking Attention. But, before I get into Madonna, let’s discuss this picture of her on tour. Is it me, or does she look like a piece of skinless chicken? Seriously.

Digression over.

Let’s talk about Madge’s tour rider; those are always good for a laugh. Remember when JLo wanted everything white, from the linens to the candles to the food to the array of men offered to her?

Well, Madonna has gone further. She demands:

20 international phone lines in her hotel room because she makes calls to London, New York, Toronto, Tokyo and Sydney at the same time!

She travels with a 200 person entourage—which does not include the band, the backup dancers, or the crew. These are the people Madge “needs” when she travels: 30 bodyguards, a yoga instructor, personal chefs, plural, an acupuncturist and her own dry-cleaner.

She requires all furniture be removed from the rooms and replaced with her own pieces that she has shipped in.’

She demands that the green room be draped in special fabric that is sent to each location and filled with rare white and pink roses that must have the stems cut at six-inches exactly

She will only eat vegan snacks.

Is this necessary, or is this just another attempt by a fading diva whose last album didn’t sell well to make herself seem relevant?

Just sayin’.

I like Kate Winslet. I think of her as a younger Meryl Streep. But apparently she has pissed off some folks in the gossip world because there are all sorts of stories about Kate being a diva bitch of late.

First she was ALLEGEDLY rude to the locals of a small Massachusetts town where her new movie, Labor Day, is being filmed. Many of the townspeople claim that Winslet was throwing bitchy faces at everybody and that she wouldn’t even deign to wave or smile at any of the hundreds of people who were looking forward to meeting her.

Um, isn’t she working, townspeople? Sheesh. She doesn’t wave so she’s a bitch?

Now, the new story is all about Kate being rude to yet more fans, on a Virgin Atlantic flight to London. It seems that fellow first-class cabin fliers Susan Roberts and her two daughters Katie and Jenny saw Kate sitting just ahead of them and were saddened when she “snubbed” them.

“My two daughters asked for an autograph about half an hour into the six and a half hour flight and she told them she would come back later and visit. Well, that never happened,” Susan says. “It was very sad that she couldn’t be bothered.”

Oh for the love of the goddess. Maybe she forgot. Maybe your two girls aren’t the center of her universe.

And, then Susan further elaborates the snub when she says that a flight attendant came back to tell the girls Kate would autograph a book for them, but that the flight attendant would make the exchange.

“I am sad that she told the girls she’d visit with them. She could have just said she didn’t give autographs and the girls would have understood,” Susan explained. “They would have been disappointed but not disillusioned.”

But then you wouldn’t have gotten your two minutes of fame, and, really, isn’t that better? You and your “girls” get your names in the press because Kate Winslet didn’t come back and visit?

Grow a pair.

As one of my idols, Judge Judy, often says, “If you always tell the truth, you don’t need a good memory.” You know, cuz you don’t have to remember which lie you told, and to whom you told it. Pity then that Lindsay Lohan was probably drunk when Judy said it, because she could use that lesson.

Remember was Lohan was found “non-responsive” in that hotel room? Well, ALLEGEDLY she was passed out from a hard night of partying, because that’s what she did after the paramedics revived her: she partied.

But Lohan Tweeted that she had worked “85 hours in 4 days” and that explains the fact that she could not wake up until a team of medical professionals was dispatched by the producers of her sure-to-be craptastic Lifetime comeback, Liz & Dick.

Well, a little investigating into Hollywood unions shows that the average work week consists of 70-75 hours spread out over five or six days, and because Lindsay lied about how much she works and how hard she works, lots of folks on her new movie are just dashing to the tabloids with stories of La Lohan.

Word from the set is that Lohan doesn’t like her ‘Dick,’ actor Grant Bowler. Some say it’s because she thinks he’s beneath her, in her head, A-list status, and that Lifetime should have hired Gerard Butler or Robert Downey Jr. So, she takes out her delusions on Grant.

And he’s probably counting the days until the shoot is over or until she passes out again, just so he can take a breath.

And the crew doesn’t like her any more than her co-star.

A source—and, well, it’s probably Grant Bowler getting even—says, “The crew is fed up with Lindsay because they have to spend so much time dealing with her diva antics and, in turn, trying to soothe Grant’s battered ego.”

And it goes on: “Most days she shows up two hours late and she rarely knows her lines. A production assistant has to feed them to her. She’s completely unfocused and she keeps running over to the director, but he doesn’t have a clue how to handle her. The footage so far has been just awful.”

Of course it has. You can’t slap a brunette wig on a cracktress and call her Liz Taylor. If that's all it takes, i could'a played Liz and I would'a been on time and not have crashed a car.

And producer, Larry Thompson, has his own issues with Lohan: “He had a hell of a time obtaining insurance for the shoot and is on tenderhooks every day that something is going to happen to Lindsay. If that’s the case, they’ll have to shut down the production!”

Thompson was forced to buy high-priced insurance for Lohan since she is a Five-time rehab star, and, well, it must have come in handy when she slammed her rented Porsche into the back of a truck two weeks back.

That accident is being investigated and could lead to her probation being revoked: “If the judge rules that she violated her parole and sends her to jail, Lifetime is looking at a $5 to $6 million washout.”

Five million for a Lohan craptastic movie. Thompson should’a dropped about 4 zeroes from that price.