Why Is It ...

… that I can’t recognize letters under a certain font size, but I can spot an idiot at fifty yards?

… that some people think that if I loved them once I will always love them? I’m not Whitney Houston.

… that speaking my mind is easy, but speaking it tactfully is sometimes hard?

… that as I get older I tell people my body is a temple? Cuz it’s ancient and crumbling and probably cursed or haunted.

… that whenever anyone tries to explain the rules of a card game I literally black out?

… that I give advice but always end it with “I don’t know though”? Cuz if my advice ruins your life it isn’t my fault. I said, “I don’t know!”

… that I start nearly every phone call with “My phone’s about to die? So  I can hang up on you when I get bored.

… that as I get older my friend circle becomes more of a dot?

… that people text me these idiotic abbreviations like “GM” and don’t get it when I respond, “Well, General Motors” to you, too?

… that my best method of multi-tasking is to listen, ignore and then forget all at the same time?

… that lately I’ve been turning off the news and watching serial killer documentaries just to relax?