I Believe Anonymous Is ....

… Michael Elizabeth Pence …as Kimmel calls him … and I’ll tell you why.

Pence wants so badly to be President; he actually believes he was ordained by God to be President. But, if _____ is impeached, and any of that stain falls on Pence, he’ll be impeached, too. Plus, if we learn that _____’s victory was truly secured by Russia, then he isn’t a legitimate president and Pence would have any rights to ascend to the Oval.

If _____ resigns, Pence might emerge unscathed, and give a series of interviews where he says he doesn’t support _____’s agenda …except for the hate-filled anti-LGBTQ parts and, the Muslim parts and the Mexican parts …you know, the racist shiz.

So, Pence needs to find a way to distance himself from this president and writing an Anonymous, for now, op-ed is just the way to do it. Imagine Pence exclaiming from the rooftops that he was Deep Throat in this president’s scandalous term. He’d play himself as the hero who, behind the scenes, alongside _____, tried to save the country from a delusional unhinged, unmoored madman.

Now, also factor in the use of the new ‘It’ word: lodestar. Ever heard anyone use it before Anonymous? Google Pence and lodestar and you’ll find it’s his favorite word and maybe his nickname on Grindr, at least according to Twitter.

Also factor in the attacks _____ has levied, and continues to levy, against Jeff Sessions; he’s threatened time and time again to fire him, and recently said it will probably be done after the midterms. But this week, just before Anonymous spoke out, Pence spoke out, in support of Sessions.

I tell you, Michael Elizabeth Pence is making a move to position himself as the anti-_____in the White House, and to position himself as a savior of the Republic, before he takes the Oval and uses his religious asshattery to destroy what’s left of this country.

But that’s just me.