It's Snarkurday!

I’ve heard of Cardi B, though I couldn’t pick her out of a lineup or a playlist, but apparently, she’s good for some snark.

It seems new mom Cardi is ALLEGEDLY annoyed with Jade, a bartender at New York’s Angels Strip Club, for ALLEGEDLY sleeping with her husband, Migos rapper Offset. And Cardi is, again ALLEGEDLY, so perturbed by the thought that she has ALLEGEDLY ordered a beatdown of both Jade and her sister, fellow strip club bartender Baddie Gi.

Jade and Baddie ALLEGE that Cardi had been threatening them with bodily harm for months and ALLEGE that when they ran into Cardi in an Atlanta hotel in June, Cardi ALLEGEDLY accused Jade of getting it on with Offset and threatened to whoop her ass, though nothing seems to have come of that.

Then, in August, Jade says that she was tipped off that she was to receive “a beatdown” and, regular as clockwork, the beatdown happened. Jade ALLEGES that five of Cardi’s people viciously attacked her, grabbing her hair, punching her and hitting her with an ashtray; Jade and Baddie G also ALLEGE that they were both attacked at the club at the end of August and that Cardi herself ALLEGEDLY came to see it.

The sisters ALLEGE that in addition to screaming “I’m blood I’ll fuck you bitches up!”, Cardi threw a bottle at them and so they’ve hired a lawyer and are ALLEGEDLY filing a police report—though that should have been step one, ladies.

Now, my question is a simple one: Cardi thinks her man is dipping his wick in a bartender and threatens to beat up the bartender and her sister, who didn’t get dipped into, and then, ALLEGEDLY, has her minions do the beatdown, but why didn’t Cardi give a beatdown to her man? I mean, he was attached to the penis that dipped into Jade, wasn’t he?

photo

Last week we talked Drake giving smack to Kanye while performing onstage, but I always wondered, what was the beef between the two. Was it Kim? Are the rumors true?

Did Kim Kardastrophe cheat on Kanye with Drake?

See, there are conspiracy theorists who say that Drake’s last album, Scorpion, is full of shady references to the idea that he’s holding back on telling Kanye about how he did the deed with Kanye’s porn star, media whore, wife.

But Kardastrophe sources—and you know it’s That Woman and her Flying Monkeys—say Drake and Kim have mutual friends and have a casual, social friendship, but that they’ve “never had a personal friendship or relationship” and Kim “has never slept with Drake…didn’t happen while she was married and didn’t happen before.”

Kim also took to Instagram to say:

“Never happened. End of story.” 

But … Drake started following Kim on Instagram on Labor Day and we all know what that means.

photo

It’s no secret that Chris Brown loves to fight; normally he uses his fists, but now he’s using the legal system to fight with Nia Guzman, the mother of his 4-year-old daughter Royalty, over child support.

It all began when Guzman has hired an attorney to change her current child support agreement. Right now, she gets $6,500 a month for herself … $2,500 in child support …and another $4,000 for a nanny, who happens to be Nia’s mom. Kinda looks like having Chris’ baby turned into a windfall for Nia and her family, eh? But I digress …

Well, that court order is two years old and now Nia wants more coins because Brown earned an average of $4,269,067 a year—roughly $350,000 a month—and she’s entitled to a percentage because $13,000 a month isn’t enough to live on. So, she wants a raise to $21,000 and retroactive child support in the amount of $250,000.

She is claiming poverty—13K a month is poverty level, you know—and says she cannot afford to pay some of her bills, like $3,300 in rent, $3,500 in food, and $4,500 in clothing for her four-year-old child.

Recently, a judge sided with Nia, and she’ll be getting the extra coins, though Chris, and I …yes, I’m siding with Chris Brown …think this is just a coin grab and is fighting back. And he’s using Nia’s own words as a weapon: one of Nia’s examples of being a broke-ass single mother is the claim that she had to ask a friend to take Royalty to Six Flags, because she didn’t have extra money in her budget for the outing.

She couldn’t scrape together the cost of a ticket from Royalty’s $4,500 a month clothing allowance? There weren’t extra coins from her mother’s nanny salary? Nia couldn’t have skipped a meal?

Perhaps Nia should shop at Once Upon A Child and save some money for trips to amusement parks; or maybe, fire the nanny/mommy and take care of her own child on 13K a month.

photo

Oops ... and ha-ha!

Gwyneth Paltrow’s company Goop has agreed to fork over a $145,000 to settle a false advertising lawsuit filed against them over the jade vagina egg.

Goop started selling a $66 vagina egg that promised to balance hormones, regulate menstrual cycles, and prevent depression. To be fair, the egg was basically a paperweight, and so Goop got schooled and fined by the Santa Clara County District Attorney’s Office for false advertising. They were concerned about the claims made for the health benefits of the eggs, as well as a $22 Inner Judge Flower Essence Blend … flower water … that claimed to “prevent” shame spirals and “depressive states.”

Goop agreed to settle the lawsuit for $145,000 and will refund any customers who wish to get their money back. The egg is still for sale on the website thought the ad now says:

“Used by women to increase sexual energy and pleasure, this nephrite jade stone helps connect the second chakra (the heart) and yoni for optimal self-love and well-being.”

Still sounds like a Goop-styled scam to me.

photo

Celebrity divorces are almost always drama-filled, but the one between Geena Davis and Dr. Reza Jarrahy might just be the biggest scene of ‘em all because he might not even be her husband!

Escandalo! Reza filed for divorce back in May and asked for joint legal and physical custody of their three children, as well as spousal support; he also asked a judge to block Geena from asking for support from him. 

Well, now Geena has filed and she’s asking the judge to dismiss Reza’s divorce petition, because she now claims they were never legally married.

Oh, there was a ceremony, and cake and dancing, but now, seventeen years later, Geena says their marriage license was never properly returned to the court clerk and under New York law—they “wed” in the Hamptons—that means they aren’t technically married. Geena doesn’t say why their license was never returned, but that it was an “intentional” choice.

Maybe that’s because now Geena can claim that since they were never legally wed, they can’t split any property and she doesn’t owe spousal support. She says that whatever they personally bought, they own, and claims that they always filed their taxes as “single” or “head of household.” As for their money, Geena says they kept separate bank accounts and credit cards.

And as more proof, in 2012, Jarrahy applied for a home loan and reportedly confirmed that he and Geena were “cohabiting” and not legally wed. But he does want spousal support because, he says, they had a wedding and acted like husband and wife, and that’s basically the same thing.

Now, if you’re thinking Common Law Marriage, think again. Geena and Reza live in California, which doesn’t recognize common law marriage.

Reza might try that old standby, palimony, but then Geena could whip out the tax forms where he checked the ‘single’ box.

I’m kinda getting the idea that they never returned the marriage license just in case they ever split, so Geena could keep all of her coins.

Sly devil.

photo

Les Moonves, facing his own #MeToo scandal, has another scandal to face: from Janet Jackson. And we’re learning about it from that Ronan Farrow New Yorker exposé on Moonves and sexual harassment.

It appears that after that Janet Jackson/Justin Timberlake fiasco at Super Bowl XXXVIII Moonves ALLEGEDLY plotted to destroy Janet. Y’all remember that when Justin sang the words “Gonna have you naked by the end of this song” while closing out the halftime show he ripped the top of Janet’s outfit exposing her breast on national TV.

The world went crazy; and so did Moonves.

Timberlake later said that the plan was to rip part of Janet’s costume and reveal a piece of red lace, but we got boob and nipple jewelry instead. And apparently Moonves was incensed by the display and vowed revenge because he just knew it wasn’t an accident, and that Janet and Justin did it intentionally, and also believed Janet wasn’t contrite enough.

Janet and Justin were banned from the 2004 Grammys, which were scheduled to air a week after the Super Bowl, but Justin made a teary apology, and Les accepted it and let him on the show. 

But Janet’s ban remained because she didn’t shed any tears and so Moonves ALLEGEDLY ordered VH1, MTV, and Viacom-owned radio stations to stop playing Janet’s music and music videos. With her album Damita Jo being released a month later, a blacklist would prove costly. 

And it was; then, sources say, Moonves helped to craft the story ALLEGING that TittyGate was all Janet’s fault. And even seven years later, when Janet released the self-help book True You through CBS-owned Simon & Schuster Moonves ALLEGEDLY went apesh*t again.

Now, I am not one to make huge leaps, but a man who might punish a woman because she didn’t bow down to him and kiss his ring over an ALLEGED accident boob baring, might just be the kind of man who thinks women are to be used for his own pleasure.

I’m just saying, Moonves sounds like a typical white privileged male misogynistic pig.

photo