Wednesday, November 04, 2015

The Jeb Reboot

Poor Jeb No-Last-Name. he thought his shot at the presidency was a lock; after all, his Daddy was president, though all anyone remembers of him is that he famously said, ‘Read my lips, no new taxes,’ and then raised taxes.

Then Jeb’s brother was president and led us into a war for oil with no end, and one of the worst economic crises to hit this country in decades.

So yeah, Jeb no-Last-Name had a tough road. He declared his candidacy long before he wanted — some say it was due to his raising boatloads of cash for his presidential candidate exploration committee, a violation of FEC rules — and he started strong, but then the Crazies came out—[t]Rump and the Brainless Surgeon, and suddenly Jeb was forced to take his last name off his ads and his signs; suddenly Jeb looked like the biggest fool of the GOP; suddenly it really was “Jeb, who?”

So what does one do when their product fails? Well, you reboot. And that’s what Jeb! is doing now. With step one being a new campaign slogan:
"Jeb Can Fix It."
And he started this reboot off with telling the story of how he used to allow his constituents in Florida to email him at his personal email address, and he shared the story of how he "fixed" one resident's problem of having a raccoon in their house. So, wait, he wants to be Exterminator-In-Chief?
“Jeb Can Fix Your Pest Problem.” 
And yet he cannot fix his own pest issues … you know, [t]Rump. But Twitter rolled with riffs on Jeb “fixing” it:


How can we expect Jeb to fix whatever he believes is wrong with this country when he cannot even fix his own campaign?

Still, that idea for an HGTV show … ?
Tweets via NCRM
Cartoon via Daily Kos

5 comments:

the dogs' mother said...

abby requests the squirrels be fixed, :-)

Bob Slatten said...

I don't think Jeb? can handle it.

Raybeard said...

He uses a phrase that carries a lot of horrific and sensational baggage on this side of the pond. For decades there was a successful, long-running TV series called 'Jim Will Fix it' fronted by longstanding, eccentric DJ, Jimmy Saville, who put himself forward as someone who can solve other people's problems or fulfil their desires, such as meeting celebrities. Saville died a few years ago and accorded a lavish funeral (adoring crowds lining streets, flowers thrown a la Diana, applause for the cortege) after which event it came out. to general shock, that all his life he had been the biggest offending paedophile known in British history (mainly young and pre-teen girls, but not exclusively so) and allowed to get away with it because of his much respected work and financial generosity towards charities, including institutions like children's hospitals, which he used to meet up with and abuse his victims.

Of course I'm not suggesting for one moment any similar imputations against poor Mr J. Bush, having to put up with such snipings and unfair criticisms (Oh, what that family has to endure!) but it's a slogan implying an all-round competence that just invites a fall, something we would all be loath to see happening to such an able politician as he is. (Tee hee!)

jadedj said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..."Exterminator-In-Chief"...funniest coined phrase in a blog this year!

Blobby said...

I totally think Bush 45 (name pending) would be a fucking disaster. I'm going on record with that. He is one now, maybe he should have taken a lesson from Jack McFarland and called it: JUST Jeb!

And as much of a d-bag as the man is - and everyone thinks if Carson, Trump or Rubio will get a nod for nomination before Bush - there is a danger one of those other three will be up against Clinton......and could actually win. I'm not of the mindset that Clinton is unbeatable. People who are turning out to vote are MORONS. And they're about to potentially elect a much bigger moron than Jeb Bush.