Saturday, November 21, 2015

It's Snarkurday AND My Blogiversary!

So, on Friday, November 21, 2008, this appeared on the interwebz:
I'm new to this blog thing, but I do love to talk and I do have an opinion--hell I have thousands of opinions--so I guess that's as good a place to start. Let's talk about.........Me!
I am a happily-partnered gay male, and I have been with the love of my life for the last eight years. We met online in an AOL chatroom--no, not THAT kind of chatroom--and became IM friends, and then email friends, and then phone friends and then friends across the country and then I went from California to Miami to meet him, and that was that.
A few months later I'd left California and settled in Miami--talk about culture shock! We stayed in Miami for about six years until Carlos--the aforementioned partner--accepted a job in Smallville, South Carolina, and we loaded up the truck and moved to....well, not Beverly Hills, but Smallville. A small town. A cute town.
A town full of nice people who didn't seem at all peeved that the newest arrivals were a couple of mo's from Miami.
That's a start, I think. More to come.....I hope.
And that’s how it all started and here we are today some seven years and 6885 posts later.

Who knew? But enough about me … 
Okay, so Leah Remini’s book about her life in the cult that is Scientology has dropped, and is proving to be quite successful, even without the Tom Cruise juiciness … like how a chipped mug sends him into Joan Crawford Wire Hanger Rage, or how nuts he is about his cookie dough, or how he looks down on Kirstie Alley and John Travolta — difficult, given that most of the planet looks down on Tom … literally; that bitch is short, y’all. 

And Tommy’s probably really upset that his ex-beard Katie Holmes released a statement apologizing  to Leah for pissing her off, but he’s been pretty quiet … except … a source — and it’s probably the minion who didn’t see the chip in the tea cup — says Tommy Grrrl has “freaked out” over Leah trashing him like that, but he probably won’t be commenting and he definitely won’t be doing his Did He Call Me Gay fallback plan of filing a $100 million lawsuit against Remini, he’s just going to label her, as Co$ members do, a “suppressive person” and erase the fact that she’s ever existed from his memory banks.

“He thinks it’s a major betrayal. Leah is what the church calls a ‘suppressive person,’ so she’s evil in his mind. He wipes the memory of any SP out of his life. He’s letting the Scientology people discredit her.”

The only thing Tommy has erased from his mind is that fact he’s a crazy person in the eyes of the world.

Couch-jumping moron.

In ‘Does Anyone Really Care About This’ news Carly Simon has opted to tell us all who the Douchebag is in her song “You’re So Vain.” 

Most people believe that the song is about her ex-husband James Taylor  … or Mick Jagger, who sang background on the song … or her ex-boyfriend Warren Beatty … or David Bowie … or Cat Stevens … or David Geffen, but Carly has refused to give up one name, saying the song is about more than one guy.

But now, because she has a book coming out and needs the press Carly is giving up the name … saying the second verse of her song refers to Warren Beatty. She does say, though, that the other verses refer to two other men whom she won’t name unless this book sells enough and she’s asked to write, and promote, a sequel.

Kylie Jenner, the youngest and least talented — which isn’t saying much — member of the Kardastrophe Klan is planning on going into music now, according to a source, more than likely her pimp of a mother, That Woman, who says:
“Kylie has been in the studio the last couple of months with [her rapper boyfriend] Tyga recording her first song. She plans to debut the single on her app.”
The inside goes on to say that the 18-year-old failed-fashion-designer-turned-failed-fashion-model-turned-failed-Kim-Kardastrophe2.0 “has always been into rap music.”

You know, when she isn’t designing clothes or walking the runway of trying to be her older sister.

Is Amy Schumer a temperamental diva? Maybe so.

Rumor has it that  Schumer pulled the “don’t you know who I am” card at an Equinox gym in New York City when the staff refused to let her in after she couldn’t produce her gym card.
And Amy ALLEGEDLY went off … throwing a “massive fit” and shrieking:
“I know you know who I am, I’m famous!”
Schumer isn’t commenting, especially on Twitter so maybe it’s true ... or maybe it went like this … perhaps Amy thought she was a big enough star that she didn’t need to show ID and tried to waltz past security and not be questioned.” 
And when someone asked to see her pass, she answered:
“I’m famous.”
And now a  spokesperson for Equinox is denying reports that Schumer had a meltdown and says the kerfuffle was “simply a back-and-forth with staffers who didn’t immediately know who she was.”

Well, that sounds like both stories are true, and that Amy Schumer, whom half the country hadn’t heard of last year, now thinks everyone needs to know her name.

Sadly, a lot of people are now thinking it’s ‘Bitch.’

In the midst of nursing back to health her almost ex-husband Lamar Odom, who is still recovering from the seizure he had a Nevada whorehouse after a four day coke-and-prostitute binge, Khloe Kardashian took a minute to appear on The Ellen Show to promote the new book she “wrote.”

I’ll say wrote in quotes because, while I once thought Khloe was the smart Kardastrophe, well, I was wrong, and the evidence was quite clear when, while speaking with Ellen about Lamar, she joked that she’s “part of polygamy now” because she has a husband and a boyfriend — James Harden.

Um, Khloe, you’d have to be married to both men to be “part of polygamy.” As it stands, you’re just kind of a whore.

But then you’re part of Kardastrophe so that makes sense.

When last we heard from Giada De Laurentiis, she was saying she’d never date serial adulterer Bobby Flay because she’s, and I quote, “too smart for that.”

But is she? I mean, she has shed her ex-husband Todd Thompson, and she has moved on to TV producer Shane Farley ... who is still legally married to personal trainer Jennifer Giamo.

While Shane filed for divorce in March 2015, rumor has it that he and Giada began bumping privates back in 2013 when he was set to produce a show starring Giada and Flay. Giada’s rep is naturally now claiming that they didn’t start dating until this past August, though please to explain why Shane moved into Giada’s house right after he filed for divorce in March?

And Jennifer ain’t happy about the shenanigans, even having her lawyer release this statement:
“My client is devastated by what she has learned through the tabloids ... 'Hurtful’ would be a mild characterization. They’re just in the middle of it.”
So, wait, Giada is “too smart” to get involved with serial dater-slash-adulterer Bobby Flay, but moving her new man into her house while he was still married is okay?

Giada’s doin’ a lot more than cookin’ in her kitchen.

Now, since it's my blogiversary, let's end with my favorite Snark Star ...

Lindsey Lohan is at it again, trying to do anything and everything to get herself some attention since she doesn’t actually have a job.

She Instagrammed earlier this year that she might run for president, and I reminded her that whores have pimps not presidents. Then she began flashing a fake engagement ring around town, and we all know it’s fake because johns leave cash on the nightstand not cubic zirconium on your finer.

But this is low even for Lowhan, er, Lohan.

She Instagrammed a picture of herself in what she referred to as “Sharon Tate drag.” Tate, as some of you may remember, was in The Valley of the Dolls and was also brutally murdered, while eight months pregnant, by disciples of Charles Manson.

So, how is this low for Lohan? She posted the picture on Charles Manson’s birthday. Yup, she posted a picture of a murder victim on the birthday of the man who is in jail for murdering her.



Susan said...

A very happy anniversary, Bob. Glad you decided to stick around. :)

Raybeard said...

Yes, a happy seventh to you, Bob. Your posts invariably lighten my mood, even if they do happen to be at the expense of some rich celebs/politicos. But so what? They can afford it. Carry on forever!

anne marie in philly said...

happy anniversary, bob! glad to "know" ya!

BTW, did you hear kylie and her pimp broke up this week?

the dogs' mother said...

xoxoxo happy blogiversary! xoxoxo
glad llohan was able to drum up
some misbehavior to help you celebrate.

Blobby said...

"Kylie Jenner, the youngest and least talented — which isn’t saying much "

Actually, when you're as talentless as that bunch, it says a fuck of a lot.

Mitchell is Moving said...

Happy blogiversary, Bob! So glad you're here. I just realized I missed MY blogiversary. It was the 15th, but only 5 years. You're an inspiration. As for all the snarking... I need a drink!

mistress maddie said...

Congratulations on the blog!!!!! We must have started around the same time I think! And I have never read your first post, so that was cool!!!! As for the shark, with exception to Carly and Lindsay, who are they???

BloggerJoe said...

Happy Blogiversay, my friend! Lift a glass to the next seven years!

Ms Sparrow said...

Saying that Kylie is the least talented would indicate you believe the others of the clan ARE talented! No! Not true! Their only claim to fame is being sleazy exhibitionists.