Saturday, November 28, 2015

It's Snarkurday!

It must be Break-up Season — you know, break-up before the holidays so you don’t have to buy that ‘Special Someone’ a gift — because there are a lotta splits a’happening …

Let’s back it up a few months …

In September, we learned that Gotham star Morena Baccarin had left her husband, Austin Chick, and was banging her Gotham co-star Ben McKenzie when they made Couple Debut at the Emmy after-parties.

And we know they were banging because a day later we learned that Morena was pregnant … by a few months … with Ben’s child … which means they were banging back in July while she was still married to her husband and the father of her other child. Chick says he and Morena were still living together during the summer and working on their marriage, when Ben knocked her up; Morena, naturally, disagrees.

But, it’s all messy and sordid and apparently the courts agree with Chick because Morena has been ordered to pay Chick a lotta coins … some $23,000 a month, or … $2,693 in child support for their son Julius, and $20,249 for spousal support.

That’s 275K a year, proving that it doesn’t pay to bang a co-star while you’re still married, Morena.

In other break-ups … it appears that Kate Beckinsale’s husband, director Len Wiseman, has been spotted out-and-about with a 20-something jump-off, “model” CJ Franco, while Beckinsale is away, working, in Prague. And he’s doing the Not Wearing His Wedding Ring routine, too.

Now folks are saying that Kate and Len’s marriage was over months ago, though at that time, they weren’t telling anyone … according to sources … and it could’a been Lohan because maybe Len has dated hookers.

Of course, this shouldn’t be a surprise. Wiseman was the director of one of those Underworld movies that Kate makes, and no one sees, and when she worked with him years ago she got a job for her then-boyfriend, Michael Sheen, in the movie. Trouble was, by the time filming ended Kate and Len were together and Michael was out of the picture.

So, this is nothing new for Len, really.

Say it isn’t so! America’s Royal Couple … I kid … Kylie Jenner and Tyga are over too??!?!
Where are my smelling salts? Oh, wait, maybe it was just an attempt at some attention; she’s a Kardastrophe, you know, and if they go ten minutes without seeing their names in print That Woman starts charging them … or charging at them, nostrils flaring.

But then, a mere 48 hours after it was announced that Kim2.0 had dumped her boyfriend, she posted a Snapchat picture of the two of them playing footsies on a couch with a message explaining that “Everyone needs to chill.”

But do we chill? Or do we wonder why Kylie was spotted leaving a club with ASAP Rocky last week? Uh huh … cue That Woman, who is spinning it that ASAP Rocky was trying to convince Kylie to give Tyga another chance because nothing screams Relationship Counselor like ASAP Rocky and Kylie Jenner Nightclub.

Either way, Tyga will still be getting coins for E! for appearing on Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes and the breakup will occur as a season finale … just like Mama planned.

Let’s take a breather from the break-ups and talk about One Direction.

In Who’s The Bigger Diva news, the award this week goes to the boy band who ALLEGEDLY had Grace Jones bumped from The Jonathan Ross Show.

The episode was supposed to feature the boys and Grace together, but those petty little divas were afraid Grace would “overshadow” their appearance so they asked that maybe she not be allowed to share a stage with them. And Grace was ALLEGEDLY royally pissed off about it, and y’all don’t wanna piss off Miss Jones, because she traveled from Jamaica to London just for the show.

Naturally, a spokesperson for those boys is saying they had nothing to do with Jones being cut from the show, adding that “it wasn’t even discussed with them.”

Yeah, uh huh, then why would a show cut Grace ‘Mother-effing’ Jones at all unless some pre-pube boys wanted it that way. And, yes, I know they aren’t pre-pubescent; they just act like it.

Howsabout Tyra Banks braking up with another TV show?

A few weeks back America’s Next Top Model Who Never Quite Makes It As A Model was cancelled by whatever second-rate network it was on and Tyra Banks, the very next day, tried to spin it that she was pulling the show off the air because it was time.

Tyra has an ego the size of her forehead y’all. But how’s she gonna spin this one? See, Tyra really played up her new talk-show, The FABLife for a hot minute until … she quit The FABLife.

And she’s saying she did it because she wants to focus on her line of cosmetics … uh huh … and that she’ll pop up every now and again and stay on as executive producer until the end of the year. But, rumor has it that Tyra didn’t exactly go quietly. She and another executive producer didn’t like each other and Tyra pitched a fit because, she says, producers went back on a promise to let her regularly push her craptastic makeup line on the show.

Still, it’s all good; no Tyra on TV is TV worth watching.

Back in July 2014, Sherri Shepherd’s super messy divorce drama was everywhere. She’d been married to Lamar Sally — a shady gold-digger … according to Sherri — and says he convinced her to have a baby via a surrogate; the child would not have any biological connection to Sherri since they didn’t use her eggs.

But, before the child was born, Sherri dumped Sally, filed for divorce and told the court she had no interest in paying child support to Lamar to raise a child who wasn’t “hers” biologically, even though she agreed to the surrogacy, signed the paper for the surrogacy, and paid for the surrogacy.

Last July, the court disagreed, and Sherri was ordered to pay child support for the child she never wanted; but the court left open the possibility that if Sherri could prove that Lamar defrauded her, she wouldn’t have to pay a dime.

Big surprise then that Good Christian Woman Sherri, who wanted a surrogate baby until she didn’t want one and then wanted no part of it at all ever, couldn’t prove fraud and so her last ditch effort to avoid paying child support was shot down in court.

And so she’ll continue to pay … $4,100 per month until the child turns thirteen … and then it’s bumped up to $4,600. Hopefully Lamar will go the Direct Deposit route so he and Sherri won’t have to face one another.

Okay, last week we learned that Carly Simon’s song “You’re So Vain” was partially about Warren Beatty because she told that story in her memoir Boys In The Trees.  But, because that story isn’t enough to sell books, she’s also revealing that, back in 1965, Sean Connery wanted to get some Carly … if you know what I mean … but he had one catch: he wanted a threesome with Carly and [gulp] her sister.

Carly says that when she was 20, and her sister Lucy was 22, they were traveling from London to New York on a ship and met a then 35-year-old Sean Connery.  Carly says that the three of them had drinks and ended up in his cabin where Connery, who was married at the time, suggested the ménage-à-oh-no-they-bettah-don’t.

Carly and Lucy said thanks, but no thanks, but the next night Lucy did end up doing the 007 Deed all by herself with Connery. And Carly was so upset by this betrayal — I guess she wanted to Bond with Sean … get it? — that when they got to New York, she ended their musical duo The Simon Sisters.

So … Sean Connery Yoko’d The Simon Sisters? That should sell one or two copies of Carly’s book.

After their marriage ended over the summer Kaley Cuoco and Ryan Sweeting learned a lesson many of us already know: don’t ever get a tattoo of a lover-husband-boyfriend-girlfriend-one-nightstand’s name, or wedding date, tattooed on your body.

See, Kaley went and got their wedding date inked into her back and Ryan got her name tattooed on his arm, and then almost as soon as that ink dried, it was over. What to do? What to do?

Well, Kaley was kinda lucky; she could have scoured Tindr for another man to marry and then married him on the same date, and only have had to change the year. Ryan would have to find a girl named Kaley and that is far more difficult.

But, Kaley decided she didn’t want to try her luck on securing the same wedding date, so she had another tattoo inked over the original: it’s a moth … a moth that looks a lot like the moth on the Silence of the Lambs poster.

And now someone is out looking for fava beans and a nice Chianti.

And speaking of divorces …

After Chris Rock filed for divorce from his wife of 18 years, Malaak Compton-Rock, it began to get real ugly. They fought over custody of their children and over money, naturally, but now there’s a whole new sub-basement of ugly.

See, back in 2008, a girl from South Africa named Ntombi began living with the Rocks; Ntombi’s biological parents live in South Africa, so no one really knows why she moved into the Rock house, except that she did and was treated like a Rock off-spring, even attending events with Chris. And that’s where the ugly comes in …

Around the time that Chris filed divorce papers, South African officials started looking closely at how Ntombi ended up in the US. See, there is ALLEGEDLY no record of the Rocks adopting Ntombi; Chris never signed papers to legally adopt Ntombi and it was Malaak who brought her to the US.

And so, while Chris regularly sees his 2 biological daughters, he hasn’t once seen or spoken to Ntombi in over a year and his people say he doesn’t have a child, adopted or otherwise, named Ntombi.

Nice father, Chris; you’ve been treating this girl like a daughter since she was a baby and now? Not so much.

Another divorce story?

This week a Manhattan judge shish-kebabed Stephanie March, the former wife of celebrity chef and adulterer Bobby Flay for hauling him into court over some old Food Network videos.

Though Flay and March finalized their divorce in July, she filed a motion demanding $105,000 for the videos that feature her with Flay and that aired on the Food Network. She claimed the videos violated the divorce agreement that prevented both sides from using one another’s images for profit.

But the judge declared the dinner over, and the gray train halted, because the Food Network spots predate the split and are controlled by the TV channel, not Flay.

Looks like Bobby didn’t get skewered by March …. Again.


the dogs' mother said...

the children involved in some of these splits...

Raybeard said...

Carly and Connery? (even though the latter's 'disarming' offer was slapped down) - Well, I'll be blowed! Never even thought that in the ISV poser he was on the radar!

Helen Lashbrook said...

Bar Sean and Carly none of these people are anything but Z-listers

Blobby said...

when every single one of those One Direction "boys" finally cone out, they'll realize the importance of Grace Jones and the faux pas they've made.

mistress maddie said...

Well it was wrong of Morena to have an affair, but can you blame her? Ben is quite adorable in those suits.......

anne marie in philly said...

put this garbage out with the turkey carcass before it starts to stink!