What If They Threw A Hate Party And No One Came?

Lotsa folks in the LGBT feeling a bit giddy as they track the National Organization for Marriage [NOM] Hate-A-Palooza Tour. Reports come in nearly every day about the striking lack of attendance at NOM's anti-equality tour though several states.

And, believe me, it is good to see that, in some places, NOM numbers are downright minuscule, and in others their numbers are far fewer than LGBT supporter's numbers.

So, should we be feeling giddy?

I don't think so. At least, not in the Oh look everyone is our side sense of giddy, because everyone isn't on our side.

People, most people, hide their hate, and whisper it in polite company. They don't attend rallies of hate, so we can't look at the failure, the EPIC failure of the NOM tour as a win for the LGBT community.

The haters are still out there, they just don't feel like marching. What they do is vote. They voted down same-sex marriage in California and Maine, but they did it privately, in a voting booth, where no one could see how they voted. They didn't march and rally and protest; it is quiet hate, a whispered hate.

Don't get me wrong, I giggle as much as the next queer over NOM and their tiny turnout. I smirk at Maggie Gallagher and Brian Brown trying to spin it any way they can. But just because people aren't showing up in droves to stand beside Brown and Gallagher and spread their hate and fear and intolerance and bigotry, doesn't mean they aren't out there.

And voting.

I think that, rather than snickering at the poorly managed, poorly attended rallies, we need to speak up ourselves. We need to let people know that we're gay, whether it's the grocer or your mechanic; the guy in the next cubicle at work.

The other day I was in a local store and two women in line in front of me were having some sort of discussion. They were laughing a bit and arguing some, and finally one turned to me and asked, "What do you think about what she just said?"

I replied, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear her"

"She said there's no such thing as a perfect marriage! Do you agree with her?"

And I thought about making a snarky comment and going for the easy laugh, but instead I said, "Oh, you're asking the wrong person. It's illegal for me to get married, so i don't know the answer."

Both women wore that same look of confusion, as they said, in unison, "Illegal?" And then it hit them, and the first woman looked at me and said, "Well, that's just stupid."

"Yes, it is," I said. "But we're working on changing it."

We're still fighting the hatred, but that hatred doesn't rally and march. It whispers and it points and it name-calls. So forgive me if I don't gloat too much on the failure of NOM's Hate-Fest-Bus-Tour. It's just that we still have work to do. And we have to speak up everywhere, not just at NOM gatherings.