An Emmy Stream Of Consciousness

I was worried about Jimmy Fallon hosting the Emmy's because I don't think Jimmy Fallon is really that funny....And, I hate to say it [not really] but I think I was right....The opening number, a blatant Glee rip-off, was cute, and had some funny spots....The Kate Gosselin We-Don't-Need-You smackdown was good....Really good....Kate? You keep telling everyone that your first priority is your children and yet you are constantly on TV....Try being a stay-at-home mom....And being quiet....Of course, we had the Hot Betty White and the...HOT FLASH....Jon Hamm....HOT FLASH....backin' that mother up.....Let's take a moment, a Jon Hamm moment....And we're back....Jane Lynch....I.Love.Her....And the slushy....Tim Gunn....What a perfect ending except that it didn't end there....They took it to the stage where Fallon pretended he was Springsteen....He's not....I felt uncomfortable for him....And then he whips out the guitar and sings again....Glenn Close looks bored.....So do I....HOT FLASH....Matthew Morrison....HOT FLASH....and his male Plus-One....Uh-huh.....Like Matthew Morrison couldn't get a date....Now, I'm not saying he's a Friend of Dorothy's or that He could have his own show on Bravo but really?....A male companion.....Jimmy's Conan joke....NBC asked the host of Late Night to come to LA and do a completely different show...What could go wrong?....Cut to Coco...OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR COMEDY.....I'm a Glee-k, but I'm also a Modern Family-k--hmm, adding the 'k' doesn't always work--too....So I was happy for Eric Stonestreet.....Jon Cryer, the loser, offers the fake congratulatory smile....You know he's thinking, %^$#&, tomorrow I gotta go back to work with Charlie Sheen....They have some guy doing weird soundbites between commercials and as the winners come up onstage....He's really not that funny, but he thinks he is....Fallon is back, reading Tweet intros, which is proof that Twitter will soon die......Sophia Vergara saying Big Bang over and over makes my stomach feel kinda funny....In a good way....Big Bang.....Big Bang....OUTSTANDING WRITING COMEDY....HOT FLASH.....Steven Levitan....HOT FLASH....Who knew a writer could be so funny and hot....And straight?....Moving on....Stephen Colbert....I don't know what it is, but I don't find him funny....I find him smug and annoying....OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS COMEDY....Jane Lynch....I.Love.Her.....I love her humor and her sincerity....I want to live next door to her and have her mow my lawn....Lauren Graham--in an unfortunate [read: hideous] dress....and the bloated Mathew Perry.....OUTSTANDING DIRECTING COMEDY.....Ryan Murphy for Glee....He's a stiff little bald gay man and I don't mean stiff in a good way....Eva Longoria Parker looks hot....LL Cool J needs to lose the hat....And the LL....The Cool....And the J....OUTSTANDING ACTOR COMEDY....Jim Parsons....The Big Bang Theory....He's quite the fast-talker....And quite the not-so-ambiguously gay actor.....Fallon is back talking about one-named stars....Cher....Madonna....and I'm hoping for Cher....or Madonna....But then he mentions the insecure stars who need three names....Neil....Patrick....Harris....Love.Him.....NPH gets a gay joke jab at Fallon and then smirks.....The smirk is priceless....His thirty seconds onstage should be enough to remind Emmy producers to have him host again and again....OUTSTANDING ACTRESS COMEDY....Edie Falco....Nurse Jackie....She is not funny....She said so herself....Fallon and Kim Kardashian sing the Reality Section Intro....Sidenote....Why is Kardashian famous?....Other than her large ass what talent does she possess?....OUTSTANDING REALITY SHOW....Top Chef....Very cool....Padma and Gail look like they had a bit too much champagne in the limo....Fallon and Julianna Margulies sing the Drama Intro.....One stinking Reality show award and the category gets a song?....And a Kardashian?....Mariska Hargitay and....HOT FLASH....Chris Meloni....HOT FLASH....He gets hotter every year....OUTSTANDING WRITING DRAMA SERIES....Mad Men....Moving on....I was into Mad Men that first year but I don't think it's lived up to the hype....OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR DRAMA SERIES....Aaron Paul....I don't know who he is, but he is one hyper little monkey.....More Tweets....Seriously...This should have ended after the first one....OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS DRAMA.....Archie Panjabi.....Yeah, I Know....I was freaking out about that Aaron Paul guy and then Panjabi shows up....Who?....OUTSTANDING ACTOR DRAMA....Hot Flash....Jon Hamm? I mean, c'mon! Who looks hotter in a suit and an ad agency than Jon Hamm? The first Darrin on Bewitched? No. The second Darrin? No. Jon 'Back-That-Mother-Up' Hamm. That's who!....And what about....HOT FLASH....Matthew Fox? I mean, c'mon! Lost, man! He was on Lost. And who else could stay looking so hot travelling back and forth through time and blowing up a huge chuck of the island and then saving the island and then dying and taking everybody to heaven? Who else, but Matthew-Yes-He's A-Fox....HOT FLASH....Kyle Chandler? I mean, c'mon! If I'd had a football coach like that when I was in high school I would have tried out....For towel Boy....Or anything that would get me in a lockerroom with Kyle Chandelr....HOT FLASH....Bryan Cranstron?.....Really....You had three shots at Hot Flashes and we got Bryan Cranston?....I could have made a delicious Chandler-Fox-Hamm sandwich in my head and you gave me Bryan Cranston? He may be a good actor, but is he man-candy enough for Must-See-TV?....I think not....I may actually turn off the TV....But then....Oh yes....I saw the ads for his new fall show....The ads for his new fall show where he isn't wearing a shirt....Uh huh....HOT FLASH.....Boris Kodjoe....HOT FLASH....Even Carlos perked up, Oooooh papi....Ann-Margaret and John I-Can't-Stand-Him-In-Anything-At-All-Ever Lithgow....OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES DIRECTOR....Dexter....Fallon does his singing thing again with a tribute to three show that have left the air....24....L&O....LOST....Lost....I miss LOST....Again with the Twitter....Tina Fey....So just naturally funny and....HOT FLASH....Matthew Morrison....HOT FLASH.....OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS DRAMA SERIES....Kyra Sedgwick....The Closer....Love that show....Fallon singing again with Colbert....Again....Variety....OUTSTANDING WRITING VARIETY SHOW....The Tony Awards....Dave Boone....As a writer he talks too much....As a writer for an awards show he should know better....Ricky Gervais....Finally the show gets it's comedy balls....Gervais is funny and irreverent and a wee bit naughty....He opts to leave Mel Gibson alone because Mel has Had it hard....Though not as hard as the Jews....Note to Emmy producers....If NPH won't do it, get Ricky Gervais....Seriously....OUTSTANDING VARIETY SHOW DIRECTING....A nominee is named Bucky Gunts and Gervais runs with it.....I hope it's Bucky Gunts because I didn't know you could say that on television....Buckygunts....And the winner is....Bucky Gunts....who missed the joke entirely....Buckygunts....OUTSTANDING VARIETY SHOW....Let it be Conan....Let it be Conan....The Daily Show?....Seriously, had Cona one it would have continued the upsurge provided by Gervais.....FAIL....The Bob Hope Humanitarian Award....Georger Clooney....I am arriving late at the Clooney Love Game....but seriously....HOT FLASH....George Clooney....HOT FLASH....Clooney is just dee-lish....Hot and sexy in that silver fox kinda way....And then msart and compassionate and political in that hot and sexy kinda way....Fallon sings again....Miniseries and Movies....HOT FLASH.....John Krasinski....HOT FLASH....He is one long tall drink of water....And I am thirsty....And January Jones in her Pool Liner Couture Gown and Bed Head.....OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS MINISERIES/MOVIE....Julia Ormond...Temple Grandin....I always thought she was French....But she isn't....She's English....But maybe she's part French because that might explain the Bed Hair, which made Jan Jone's look positively tame....Her speech is as unkempt as her hair....She thanks the other nominees but can't remember one....She calls her Catherine O'what'shername....It's O'Hara....Fallon comes back and does a buckygunts joke....FAIL....You're not Ricky Gervais....Claire Danes....OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR MINISERIES/MOVIE....David Strathairn....Temple Grandin....He was in The River Wild with La Streep and he was hot and sexy....Now, he's become that hot sexy older guy....Aging and silvering nicely....And then comes The Death March....Rue McClanahan....Dixie Carter....John Forsythe....Lena Horne....And a song by Jewel....Really?....That felt uncomfortable....As uncomfortable as a Jimmy Fallon Emmy-hosting gig....Maura Tierny and....HOT FLASH....Blair Underwood....HOT FLASH....Seriously....I could stare at him all day and since he has a new show coming on where he plays the President, well, I just might....OUTSTANDING MINISERIES....You Don't Know Jack....OUTSTANDING ACTRESS MINISERIES/MOVIE....Claire Danes....Temple Grandin....To be honest, I like me some Claire Danes, but I fear she is treading dangerously close toward veering into Gwyneth Paltrow territory....You know about Paltrow territory, right?....Where she thinks she's that good....And she's not....And while we're on the subject of that good, I'd like to share with you....HOT FLASH....Alexander Skarsgard....HOT FLASH....I almost feel like making one of those childish vampire jokes about sucking and so on....But I'll refrain....Though looking at Skarsgard it does cross my mind....Again and again....Anna Paquin in one of the more awful dress choices....It's a little Cleopatra and a little Bullfighter and a lot wrong....HOT FLASH....Stephen Moyer....HOT FLASH....OUTSTANDING DIRECTING MINISERIES/MOVIE....Mick Jackson....Temple Grandin....OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR MINISERIES/MOVIE....Al Pacino....And his newest face...You Don't Know Jack....His speech is all the proof you'll ever need that actors need writers....A rambling mess and he doesn't get cut off because he's Al Pacino....Laurence Fishburne...OUTSTANDING MINISERIES....The Pacific....OUTSTANDING MOVIE....Temple Grandin....Fallon returns for one last odd moment with Tom Selleck that bordered on the homoerotically-creepy....OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES....Mad Men....Jon Hamm is still hot three hours later....OUTSTANDING COMEDY SERIES....Modern Family....I would have been Glee-k-fully happy but I does likes me some Modern Family....So, how'd we do?....The show scarcely ran over the three-hour mark....Good....Jimmy Fallon....Not so good....NPH....Devine....Rick Gervais....Seriously....Call him....I liked some of the winners....Jane Lynch....Modern Family....Eric Stonestreet...Others....Well, I thought, Who in the hell is that....And I thought that a lot......