I Ain't One To Gossip But

Gwyneth Paltrow sells high-priced crap over there at GOOP, but she has clearly gone over the edge, fat head first.

GOOP is selling a candle that, ahem, ALLEGEDLY smells like Gwyneth’s vagina. And you have to pay $75 to get her cooch smell in your house.

Paltrow claims the candle, and her vagina, smells of “geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed.”

I think it probably smells more like inflated ego and desperation.

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Apparently, Husband-In-My-Head … and yes, I’ve lost count of how many of those I have … Michael B Jordan has only recently moved out of the house he shared with his parents Donna and Michael A Jordan.

While it might seem as good news, it would have been better to learn he moved out of his parents’ house and in with, oh, I dunno, I’m just spit balling here, Bob and Carlos?

Just saying. We have the room, Michael.

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I have given up on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills since those hens drove Lisa Vanderpump off the show, but I still loves me some RHoBH gossip.

Apparently, right in the midst of filming the upcoming season, Denise Richards has up and quit the show because her affair with former RHoBH housewife Brandi Glanville was exposed.

Oh, and Denise is married. Richards stopped filming RHoBH after a nasty showdown with her cast members who confronted her over having a months-long affair with Brandi Glanville.

Richards and Glanville had ALLEGEDLY been seeing one another from the beginning of 2019 up until the middle of the year, with Richards telling Glanville that she and her husband Aaron Phypers had an open marriage, but maybe that was a lie, and Brandi was furious at being the “other woman” to another woman.

Seriously, Denise. You thought you could have an affair with a woman, and a woman like Brandi Glanville, while filming a reality show and no one would notice?

Gurl.

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What do the Karda$trophe$ like more than fame? Coin$. Coin$ and fame, but mo$tly coin$.

Which explain$ why Khloé Karda$trophe decided to put her name to the late$t weight-lo$$ product, Flat Tummy $hakes, even though she employ$ both a trainer and a nutritioni$t:

“Ok... I’ve posted with @flattummyco’s Shakes in the past and YES, I also use a personal trainer and nutritionist, but THESE SHAKES WORK to help get your tummy back to flat. Trust me you guys… Go get 25% off the same Shakes I drink.”

And as the interwebz do, people went nut$ trying to figure out why a woman with a nutritioni$t and a trainer is $hilling diet shake$.

Coin$.

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A few weeks back Lindsay Lohan threatened this country by saying she was moving back to America. She gave us that tired “I want my movie career back” line, and tossed in something new about managing her sister’s singing career, but is there more?

Perhaps she needs to come home and sit with Mama Dina “Where my chardonnay at?” Lohan now that Dina’s been arrested for ALLEGEDLY t-boning another lady’s car in the parking lot of an Outback Steakhouse and then fleeing the scene. Luckily the woman she hit followed Dina home to Long Island, parked herself outside Dina’s house and called the police.

Police came, but say Dina refused to submit to a drug/alcohol test, though they observed clear signs of intoxication. So, like her daughter before her, Dina Lohan was arrested for DWI, leaving the scene of an accident and aggravated unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle. And since Dina was also arrested for DWI in September 2013, this means she’s facing a felony charge.

Sadly, since Lindsay has no money and none of her johns will pay for a flight that doesn’t involve some kind of sexual favor, Lindsay will have to Jet Blue her way home, and that might take months.

Perhaps Dina will be sober by then, and she and Lindsay can head out to the Outback for a keg of Long Island Iced Teas.

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I used to watch Wendy Williams. I found her kinda funny …How you doin? But then she made several transphobic jokes about Caitlyn Jenner, I sent her a letter calling her out and stopped watching. And I’m glad, because she’s an immature moron who goes after people for the most idiotic reasons.

This week it was Joaquin Phoenix and the scar on his lip. Yes, a grown-assed woman made fun of a man because he has a scar on his lip. Wendy was flapping her yap about the Golden Globes and turned to Phoenix; she had nothing really to say about him, so she went personal and talked about his appearance. Wendy noted that his lip scar made him “oddly attractive,” and then mimed a cleft lip before talking with her hands all the way in her mouth. 

Funny stuff. Well, not to Adam Bighill, a Canadian football player whose son was born with a cleft palate. Bighill, called her out on Twitter and demanded an apology, revealing that his son Beau was having surgery to repair his lip that day:

“Today is Beau’s big day. He is getting his lip repaired today in Winnipeg by the fantastic Dr. Ross.”

And Wendy did apologize, sort of, finally:

“We’re thinking about Beau today as he is in surgery. I want to apologize to the cleft community and in Beau’s honor, our show is donating to @operationsmile and @AmerCleftPalate and encourage our Wendy Watchers to learn more and help support the cleft community.”

Well, Cher heard about Wendy’s stupidity and the apology, and the fact that her show not Wendy Williams personally made a donation, and she all-capped her anger at the talk show yapper:

“@WendyWilliams I Was Going To Try & Hold My Temper BUT IM SO F-NG ANGRY I CANT.
In 1985 I Made a Film Called “MASK” THROUGH THAT FILM I BECAME INVOLVED WITH CHILDREN,& ADULTS WHO HAD CRANIOFACIAL  ANOMALIES. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THESE PPL GO THROUGH20+ OPERATIONS … BEFORE THEIR TEENS!! MUCH OF THE TIME THEY ARE IN PAIN,AFRAID,BUT HAVE HOPE THEY WILL LOOK NORMAL. THE& FEAR THEIR PARENTS GO THROUGH IS UNBEARABLE. IF YOUR MOM SAW WHAT YOU DID SHE’D BE ASHAMED. MY MOM TAUGHT ME TO LOVE & HELP PPL IN PAIN.WHO ARE U!?U SHOULD B FIRED.”

Note to Wendy: don’t ever piss off Cher because she has never had a f**k to give and she will come for you. In fact, she’ll even come for your fan … singular … one Stefano Scibetta who Tweeted to Cher:

“She apologized.”

Oh Stefano, have you learned nothing.

“APOLOGIZED!? THERE IS NO APOLOGY FOR WHAT SHE DID…. & LAUGHED ABOUT!! I KNOW THESE CHILDREN,& ADULTS.THEY GO THROUGH HELL,THEIR PARENTS GO THROUGH HELL!! Fk Her Apology. SHE WANTS TO KEEP HER JOB!! I CANT CONTAIN MY ANGER!!”

Wendy is a moron, and really isn’t worth Cher’s time, but I love her for taking on this talk show dimwit, this grown-assed woman who thinks making fun of people’s appearance is funny.

Careful Wendy …

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