I Didn't Say It ...

Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, and _____’s arch-nemesis, on the articles of impeachment:

“This president is impeached for life, regardless of any gamesmanship on the part of Mitch McConnell. There is nothing the Senate can do to ever erase that. … We’re confident in the impeachment. And we think there’s enough testimony to remove him from office. However, we want the American people to see the truth, and why are [Republicans] afraid of the truth?”

Actually, they’re afraid the racist followers of the Adderall-addicted moron will turn on them, so they’ll do whatever he says.

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Gwyneth Paltrow, on why she doesn’t act anymore:

“When I was acting I really burned myself out. When the flywheel kicked in, I was doing three to five movies a year. I really got to the point where even the little things, like sitting in the van going to set, getting your makeup touch-ups, and everything – I really don’t know that I can bear it. The last movie I starred in, I was pregnant with my daughter. It was a movie called Proof, an adaptation of a play I did in London, and I was like, ‘I’ve had it. I can’t do this anymore.’ I had morning sickness and I was dying, and I had these five-page monologues. So when I had her, I knew I was going to take a big chunk of time off. And I’ve never starred in anything again.”

Um, is that your choice, or Hollywood’s? See, Gwynnie, everything about you is an act. Maybe you aren’t doing it on a movie screen, but every time your lips flap, every time you push one of your delusional products, you’re acting; and it’s still awful.

You should really get down on your knees and thank Harvey Weinstein for buying you that Oscar.

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James Wharton, a gay former British soldier, on Prince Harry, his tank commander, stepping in to stop soldiers bullying Wharton for being gay:

“I’d got myself into a bit of a situation with some soldiers from another regiment and, essentially, they didn’t like the fact I was gay. They were sort-of chest poking me and making me feel quite uncomfortable. I got into my tank where Prince Harry was doing something, and he could see that I was clearly affected by something and he asked me what the problem was. I told him that there were a couple of soldiers outside who weren’t very happy with the fact I was gay. Quite offended that his gunner was being picked on by these people, Prince Harry went out and saw these soldiers and spoke to them, and the problem went away. He told them off and they left me alone.”

That’s how bullying stops. Call out the bullies. Demand it stop.

Especially when a Hot Ginger Prince does it.

Sidenote: my favorite dream in the world is about me getting in my tank with Harry.

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DJ Qualls, actor from Road Trip, The New Guy, Hustle & Flow, has come out as gay at a Jim Jefferies show, and then on Twitter:

“It is 11:20pm. I just came out on stage at a [Jim Jefferies] show in San Diego. Yep, I’m gay. Been gay this whole time. Tired of worrying about what people would think of me. Tired of worrying about what it would do to my career.”

Welcome out.

And please accept as our gift from HOMO HQ, the Official Coming Out Toaster Over™ and a copy of The Gay Agenda.

Welcome out!

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Sebastian Stan, actor, on his signature deadpan expression:

“People always ask me if I’m okay. They’ve said I have ‘serial-killer resting face.’ No matter what I do, I’ve always had dark circles under my eyes that never really go away. Lately there might be a little moisturizer happening here and there, just in case. Preserving a couple years, or whatever.”

Serial killer? Not at all.

Brooding sexy man who needs some attention? Yes, please.

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Jennifer Lopez, actress, singer, media whore, telling Vanity Fair that she longs for a more 'simple and organic' kind of life.

“I would love to live somewhere other than the United States, in a small town in Italy, or on the other side of the world, in Bali. Find another life where it’s a little bit more simple and organic and where I get to ride a bike, and buy bread, and put it in my basket, and then go home and put jelly on it, and just eat and paint, or sit in a rocking chair where there was a beautiful view of an olive tree or an oak tree and I could just smell. I have fantasies like that.”

Yes, please believe that a woman who lives her life in front of the media longs to be alone.

Cuz, if you do, Jenny, then go. Ain’t nobody stoppin’ you.

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