Wednesday, January 01, 2020

HNY 2020

I love the New Year ... the freshness of what may be; the thought of infinite possibility; the idea that I am another year older.

Okay, that last one ... not so much. But, as I used to tell my sister, who was annoyed that I never seemed to change—and never mind that portrait of me in that attic ... nothing to see there—The Gays are not allowed to age, so I’ll take that extra year and run with it.

Still, I do look forward to doing more, and learning more, thinking more, reading more, loving more, laughing more because, as my father likes to remind, think of the other option, but those aren’t resolutions, since I don't make resolutions because when I do, my resolutions last about as long as it takes me to say the word ‘resolution’. These are wishes, hopes and dreams. So, I'll leave y’all to have a good day, with a repost, and a little revision, of previous New Year’s Day thoughts:
The more things change :::blibbety blah blay bloo touch me::: the more they remain the same:  I am a believer in happiness. I had parents who told me that happiness is all you really ‘get’ in life. They raised their children to realize that ‘things’ don't make us happy, at least not for long, because something newer and shinier always comes along. And so I’ve learned to live by the idea that I should want the things I have, and not have the things I want.
And I’ve learned that you can't expect other people to make you happy either; other people have their own ‘things’ that don’t necessarily fit into your life. Sure, other people can add to your happiness … Exhibit A: Carlos … but you either have happiness to begin with  or you don't. Carlos, and my family, and a few close friends, add to my happiness.
We're responsible for our own happiness, each and all of us; responsible to find it, to hold on to it; to nurture it and share it. Happiness is something you possess, that you give out, and you get bac. And yet, without happiness in ourselves, for being ourselves, how can we expect to live fully and completely. We suffer loss every day; I've had my share and, sad to say, I know there's more to come, but I feel happy in the memories I have of those who've gone on ahead, and happiness in what I still see and hear, feel and know, around me.
I know it's hard to be happy when times are hard; these days especially with that feeling of gloom settling in over our country. But times can change; we saw that in 2018 and I believe we’ll see it again, sooner, rather than later, when we, collectively, stand up, say, loudly, this is not working,  and vote for a better future. This person is just a speed bump, and he, too shall pass, and we’ll be better for it, because, hopefully, we’ll have learned what lead to him and never go that route again; we can learn from the past so that we don’t repeat it.
And I have learned, from my past, from my life, from living as an openly gay man, an unapologetically gay man, in this world, that it will get better. 
I have learned, from my Father the Teacher, never to stop studying and reading and speaking and, yes, even ranting; the more you learn, the more you grow, and understand, the more happiness you can accept. The world changes every single day and it’s up to us to change along with it.
I have learned, from my Mother the Nurturer, to care for things, for people, for animals, for life; to make each day better for those around us, and to make it better for ourselves in the end. I was in the room when my Mother passed away and there was such a feeling of peace and happiness, for all we shared and the sense that, even if she was gone, she would never be truly absent from our lives.
I have learned, from my Sister the Temper, to speak up; why sit quietly and just let things happen? My sister never ever stood silently by; you never wondered where she stood on any subject because she told you where she stood. I learned to stand up and demand the things I wanted, the happiness I wanted. I learned not to settle for less.
I have learned, from my Brother the Father, to hold close to family; never let them go; whether it's the family you were born into, or the family you created out of necessity; hold on to them, and protect them, and love them. 
I have learned, from my Husband the Optimist, how to actually let go and be unafraid, and be unabashedly in love, damn the torpedoes; he taught me how to be more open and honest and know that it won't hurt; how to love yourself, and everyone around you. I have said this before but … I am happy with Carlos every single day … maybe not all day, but every single day I realize how happy I am, how happy he makes me, and how happy I make him.
Once again I realize that I have not only learned happiness, I’ve earned it; and I am responsible for it. It is, after all, all you really get in life.
And so, I’ll end with this tune, Over the Rainbow, and this artist, Eva Cassidy, because it makes me happy …and what a way to start a New Year.

14 comments:

  1. have you tired yourself out dancing to my playlist? HNY bob & carlos!

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  2. You're absolutely right Bob - happiness does come from within! It doesn't come from things and no-one else can make you happy. But by gosh, you hit the nail on the head with Eva Cassidy. It may sound a bit ghoulish but I've always said I want her singing Over the Rainbow at my funeral (although hopefully that won't be anytime soon). Best wishes to you and Carlos for 2020!

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  3. things I wish I could leave behind in 2019 but sadly can't:
    Der Trumpenfuhrer
    Bojo and
    Brexit!

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  4. Have a very Happy New Year. Both.
    JP

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  5. xoxoxoxxxxxxoxxxxo :-)
    Happy 2020!
    To you and Carlos and your whole
    family!

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  6. What a lovely post. Happy New Year!

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  7. Happy New Years Boys!!!!!! Thanks for being a swell blogging friend Bob!

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  8. Hope you have a good year!!

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  9. Wishing you all the best in 2020!

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  10. @AM
    Your music selection was EPIC!

    @Treaders
    I love that song and love Eva's version.

    @Helen
    We can hopefully change them in 2020!

    @JP
    And for you and Guido, too!
    xoxo

    @TDM
    Right back atcha!

    @obscure
    Thank you!

    @MM
    And than you for being fabulous fun fierce you!

    @Dave
    I'm looking positively forward.

    @Steven
    To you as well!

    @Debra
    Your wishes are reciprocal. HNY!

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  11. Very wise of you to strive for continuous learning.
    May 2020 be a marvelous year for you.

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  12. Thanks for the hope... and enlightened attitude. Your parents taught you some good lessons. Carlos, obviously, is a keeper. Un abrazo grande.

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  13. @Ur-spo
    That is yet another lesson from the parents. Always keep learning, because not doing so is akin to death.

    @Mitch
    You gotta have hope, or all is lost. HNY!

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