HNY 2020

I love the New Year ... the freshness of what may be; the thought of infinite possibility; the idea that I am another year older.

Okay, that last one ... not so much. But, as I used to tell my sister, who was annoyed that I never seemed to change—and never mind that portrait of me in that attic ... nothing to see there—The Gays are not allowed to age, so I’ll take that extra year and run with it.

Still, I do look forward to doing more, and learning more, thinking more, reading more, loving more, laughing more because, as my father likes to remind, think of the other option, but those aren’t resolutions, since I don't make resolutions because when I do, my resolutions last about as long as it takes me to say the word ‘resolution’. These are wishes, hopes and dreams. So, I'll leave y’all to have a good day, with a repost, and a little revision, of previous New Year’s Day thoughts:

The more things change :::blibbety blah blay bloo touch me::: the more they remain the same:  I am a believer in happiness. I had parents who told me that happiness is all you really ‘get’ in life. They raised their children to realize that ‘things’ don't make us happy, at least not for long, because something newer and shinier always comes along. And so I’ve learned to live by the idea that I should want the things I have, and not have the things I want.

And I’ve learned that you can't expect other people to make you happy either; other people have their own ‘things’ that don’t necessarily fit into your life. Sure, other people can add to your happiness … Exhibit A: Carlos … but you either have happiness to begin with  or you don't. Carlos, and my family, and a few close friends, add to my happiness.

We're responsible for our own happiness, each and all of us; responsible to find it, to hold on to it; to nurture it and share it. Happiness is something you possess, that you give out, and you get bac. And yet, without happiness in ourselves, for being ourselves, how can we expect to live fully and completely. We suffer loss every day; I've had my share and, sad to say, I know there's more to come, but I feel happy in the memories I have of those who've gone on ahead, and happiness in what I still see and hear, feel and know, around me.

I know it's hard to be happy when times are hard; these days especially with that feeling of gloom settling in over our country. But times can change; we saw that in 2018 and I believe we’ll see it again, sooner, rather than later, when we, collectively, stand up, say, loudly, this is not working,  and vote for a better future. This person is just a speed bump, and he, too shall pass, and we’ll be better for it, because, hopefully, we’ll have learned what lead to him and never go that route again; we can learn from the past so that we don’t repeat it.

And I have learned, from my past, from my life, from living as an openly gay man, an unapologetically gay man, in this world, that it will get better. 

I have learned, from my Father the Teacher, never to stop studying and reading and speaking and, yes, even ranting; the more you learn, the more you grow, and understand, the more happiness you can accept. The world changes every single day and it’s up to us to change along with it.

I have learned, from my Mother the Nurturer, to care for things, for people, for animals, for life; to make each day better for those around us, and to make it better for ourselves in the end. I was in the room when my Mother passed away and there was such a feeling of peace and happiness, for all we shared and the sense that, even if she was gone, she would never be truly absent from our lives.

I have learned, from my Sister the Temper, to speak up; why sit quietly and just let things happen? My sister never ever stood silently by; you never wondered where she stood on any subject because she told you where she stood. I learned to stand up and demand the things I wanted, the happiness I wanted. I learned not to settle for less.

I have learned, from my Brother the Father, to hold close to family; never let them go; whether it's the family you were born into, or the family you created out of necessity; hold on to them, and protect them, and love them. 

I have learned, from my Husband the Optimist, how to actually let go and be unafraid, and be unabashedly in love, damn the torpedoes; he taught me how to be more open and honest and know that it won't hurt; how to love yourself, and everyone around you. I have said this before but … I am happy with Carlos every single day … maybe not all day, but every single day I realize how happy I am, how happy he makes me, and how happy I make him.

Once again I realize that I have not only learned happiness, I’ve earned it; and I am responsible for it. It is, after all, all you really get in life.

And so, I’ll end with this tune, Over the Rainbow, and this artist, Eva Cassidy, because it makes me happy …and what a way to start a New Year.