Golden Globe Fashion: The Good, The Bad, The JLo

BEST OF THE BEST

Zoe Kravitz for looking cool and hot; chic and fun; and just plain gorgeous.

RUNNERSUP

Ana de Armas, whose dress looked almost like liquid. Standing still or moving, it was stunning.

Billy Porter, who always comes to play and always comes to slay.

BETTER

—clockwise

Cate Blanchett always brings the haute couture fashion and thus year, even not winning, looked regal.

Helen Mirren. She always looks elegant and sexy; always.

Olivia Colman won for The Crown and for this stunningly simple, yet edgy, dress.

Nicole Kidman. Sure, it’s not exactly a wow, but Nicki Kidman always rocks a look.

GOOD

—clockwise

Awkwafina has her own sense of style, and her own personality and this year both worked well together. It’s like an edgy Chanel.

Saorise Ronan in simply slip dress with sequins. Plus, a little side boob for the men that like that. And I do.

Scarlett Johansson. Normally I’m not a ball gown queen, but she pulled this one off.

Renee Zellwegger also brought the simple and elegant and body conforming look. My one quibble? The shoes that matched the dress. Mix it up, Zellwegger.

MEH

—clockwise

Dakota Fanning is twenty-five; it’s time to put away the little girl princess dresses, okur?

Jennifer Aniston has absolutely no style. I imagine she’s always high and someone just said, ‘Put her in the black one and get her in the car.’

Reese Witherspoon should lay off the Botox; on the red carpet, while speaking, nothing above her eyes moved. As for the dress: it looks like a nice white dress that she spilled some red wine on, and then covered it up with a white napkin from the hotel dining room.

Laura Dern is one of my favorite actresses, but she always seems to wear some Little House on the Prairie looking mess. It’s nice, but it’s not awards show.

Bad

Row 1

Charlize Theron looks like she tossed a horrid green bedsheet over her undergarments hoping she could pull it off; she can’t.

Jodie Comer in a teal balloon dress and hot pink shoes and a purse that looks like she shot Big Bird and took a wing.

Row 2

Kerry Washington. Seriously? She’s normally so elegant but this shirtless, take a glimpse at my sagging breasts on either side of my Tiffany S&M chain look is horrible.

Lucy Boynton is apparently shilling for Jiffy Pop now?

Row 3

Michelle Williams borrowed Charlize’s sheet dress idea but at least she covered up her bustier. And that weird blue flower thing? Yeah, I don’t get it either.

Joey King. This thing gave me a headache. It reminded me of that statue that shows the inside of the body for some reason and it made me sick.

WORST

Gwyneth Paltrow who apparently took about a buck-fifty she made from selling $350 dildoes and bought some sheer granny curtains and granny panties and a granny bra because she thought it was edgy. It’s not, Gwynnie, it’s a desperate and sad attention grab. Oh, and when you turned around on the red carpet, your saggy ass cheeks were a miss, too.

JLo was hoping to win a Globe and brought the wrapping paper and bows to take it home. Seriously, she looks like a badly wrapped Christmas present. I mean, it’s awful; I think she went home and killed her stylist …or whomever worked in gift wrapping at Bloomingdales.

WTF

Taylor Swift is swimming in an oversized tie-dye floral mess that swallowed her up, albeit, sadly, not permanently.

Sacha Baron Cohen looks like he raided the costume department from the Joker set and borrowed a suit Joaquin Phoenix refused to wear.

COUPLES

Who knew David Furnish would outdo husband Elton john on a red carpet? There is some embellishment on Elton’s coat, but his look is positively somber.

Lisa Bonet and Jason Momoa. Some of you might think I picked them because Momoa is built like a brick house. Wrong. It’s because I find Lisa Bonet stunning, especially in this look. And for those who don’t know, Lisa is the mother of Best Dressed Zoe Kravitz so it runs in the family.

HOTTEST MEN I DON’T KNOW

Les Misérables Director Ladj Ly and actor Djibril Zonga certainly pricked up my, um, ears. I’d never heard of either one before and now I cannot get ‘em outta my head. Dreamy.

HOT BRITS

Andrew Scott. Dreamy, English, and gay. It’s like the trifecta!

Daniel Craig. No matter how hard I try, and no matter how many times I see him in a suit, I always, only and ever picture him in that little blue swimsuit coming out of the water. Sue me.

HOT MEN

—clockwise

Brad Pitt is like a fine wine; he gets better with age.

Chris Evans, also, always looks fine at these events. Plus, he’s socially aware and politically active, and add that to hot and we have a winner.

Sam Rockwell. Not hot, I guess, but because he’s such a brilliant actor, he rocks my world.

Karamo Brown, a queer guy from Queer Eye. That’s all.

WORST MEN

Barry Jenkins. I mean, it’s okay, but what’s with the stripes? Even worse, what was with the four-inch cuffs on the pants.

Wesley Snipes. I know he had legal troubles, and money issues and tax problems, but surely he could have rented a tuxedo from this century?

What did YOU think?