I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Why do celebrities think they need to share everything with us? Seriously, do we need to know Gwynnie steams her cooch? Do we need to know Soleil Moon Frye’s first “consensual” sexual experience was when she was eighteen and she was boned by … wait for it … get a HazMat suit ready … it’s the height of ick … Charlie Sheen.

Soleil shared a journal entry dated December 18, 1994:

“It’s been the most strange and incredible day ever. He’s somebody I’ve had a crush on for years. He’s a person that intrigues me and excites me.”

And then she calls Sheen her “Mr. Big.” Like I said, Ick.

Soleil is aware of Corey Feldman’s sexual assault allegations against Charlie, but says she doesn’t know anything about that, and can only speak to her own experience. She also talks about experiencing her own sexual assault by an unnamed man when she was 17—hence the clarification that Sheen was her first consensual sexual encounter.

Look, everyone’s experience is different, but I don’t know that I’d air out the idea that I let Charlie Sheen’s dick anywhere near me.

That’s all.

photo

Kim Kardastrophe and Kanye West are now doing to each other what I have been begging them to do to all of us for years.

They have stopped speaking to each other.

Lucky them. If we could only get them to divorce America we might never hear from them again.

photo

And then we have Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez who have ALLEGEDLY broken up in the wake of his scandal with Southern Charm “star” Madison LeCroy. You see, last January, Twitter was set ablaze with rumors after the Southern Charm reunion special exposed ALLEGATIONS of infidelity involving an “ex-MLB star” and Southern Charm cast-member, and manhunter, Madison LeCroy, who admitted to FaceTiming A-Rod, but maintained the two had never Facetimed in person. LeCroy demurred:

“He’s never physically cheated on his fiancée with me.”

Physically? And so, JLo was embarrassed by that rumor—and yet, oddly, she’s never been embarrassed by her singing or her acting—and split from A-Rod. Or did she?

Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez are now saying reports of their demise as a couple have been greatly exaggerated—well, maybe not so greatly—because while there might be trouble in their made-for-social-media relationship, they are still fighting to stay together.

A source claims they haven’t been together because:

“She’s working in the Dominican Republic and he’s in Miami so it’s tough seeing each other especially with quarantining and COVID, but they want to try to stay together.”

Yeah, I buy that except for the fact that they have each posted lovey-dovey Instagram stories from various vacation spots, and daily pap strolls to the gym and out to dinner and such, all during the pandemic.

Look, they’re over. He has a wandering peen and she can’t seem to keep a man… possibly because she picks men with wandering peens.

photo

Drew Barrymore has a talk show so we are learning all sorts of things about her in a thirsty attempt to score more viewers.

She’s done with marriage! Until she does it again.

She’s done with drugs! She’s been saying that for years.

And she’s done with acting! Or, more likely, acting is done with her.

All of these things, however, are subject to change, but you aren’t allowed to remember that Drew said them.

photo

To prove my point about JLo, rumor has it that she has already scrubbed A-Rod from her life, and most importantly her social media, and set her sights on one Lenny Kravitz.

See, Kravitz has joined the cast of JLo’s upcoming film Shotgun Wedding and has ALLEGEDLY made quite an impression on his co-star. And we know this is true because JLo asked Kravitz to give her daughter guitar lessons and then posted a seductive video of herself dancing on the balcony of her hotel suite to the tune of Kravitz’s chart-topping hit “Fly Away.”

A not-so-subtle message to A-Rod and the world.

Still, I had higher expectations of Lenny Kravitz.

UPDATE: After telling us that she’s in the DR and he’s in Miami and with COVID they aren’t traveling, A-Rod flew to the DR to see JLo and perhaps put the kibosh on the rumors, or beg her forgiveness for being a cheating punk while she begs his forgiveness for moving on so quickly.

photo