Monday, March 08, 2021

Know Your Audience

We don’t get a lot of catalogues here at Casa Bob y Carlos for a couple of reasons:

1] We don’t order from catalogues, and…

B] It’s 2021!!! There’s this thing called “the internet” which is a catalogue for literally everything.

So, imagine my surprise when I opened the mailbox and found The Vermont Country Store catalogue inside. I instantly thought of jams and jellies and homemade food stuffs and some interesting tchotchkes. Imagine my shock when I opened the first few pages and found Sister Wife Fashions… followed by the terror of a page full of bras. 

Not to mention the section on tablecloths. They’re made of “real” fabric that wipes clean and won’t peel or crack—perhaps the same fabric used in the bras? I dunno, but I do know that Maria, from Carolina, loves the “Happy Checks” and so she used all season long!

But the most egregious error, the error that made me realize that The Vermont Country Store does not know their target audience.

Men in nightshirts.

And rather than photographs of men in underwear—like the kind in the catalogues I used to keep under my bed after my mom had thrown them out—they used pencil sketches of underwear for men.

Pencil-f**king-sketches.

And that’s when it hit me. This isn’t the fault of The Vermont Country Store, it’s the fault of the United States Postal Service, because clearly this catalogue was mailed in 1974 and only now just arrived.

Now, if you’ll forgive me, I think I need some actual cloth, won’t peel or crack, seasonal checked tablecloths.

I mean, if they’re good enough for Maria from California ….

22 comments:

the dogs' mother said...

oh!-dear-gawd!
much chortling!
xoxo :-)

Sixpence Notthewiser said...

Hahahahahahaha
*hiccups*
Hahahahahahahaha

OMG I am literally, LITERALLY cackling here. This is so priceless...!
And how dare you insult their modesty? Don't you know that men in tighty whities are a thing of the devil?
Wait, Munsingwear? At least the kangaroo pouches offer all day support? These people are hung, right? Right? I would be the only thing that would keep me from leaving a man wearing a nightshirt.

XOXO

anne marie in philly said...

we have purchased some items from this company; VERY reputable and professional.

but yeah, some of the items are stuck in the past. like 60-70 years ago past.

uptonking said...

Thank you for the laugh. Oh, my... I remember those table cloths. My Grandmother used them. And they are, in fact, totally wipeable (but not kool-aid resistant). This is too funny. Thanks for the memories. Pencil drawings of underwear! Like that should EVER be such a thing.

Deedles said...

Oh dear God! I'm a sister wife! Now where did I put my vintage Fingerhut catalogue?

Moving with Mitchell said...

Oh my god, Maria from California recommends those tablecloths?!? I wonder if they'll ship to Spain. I'm also all out of pencil dick underwear. (That's what you said, right?)

BloggerJoe said...

Okay, so up here in VERMONT! this is the holy grail quest. We go to the Vermont store and Vermont Flannel, and Cabot Cheese, and the Vermont sugar shacks, and the cider presses, and orchards, and, where was I? Oh, yeah, never mind. We've only been once when we first got here. It was okay.

anne marie in philly said...

@joe - ummmmmmm, cabot cheese...we can buy it down here in the grocery store. my fave is the hunter's seriously sharp white cheddar.

Dave R said...

Okay... so what did you order?

Bob said...

@TDM
It was a total blast from the past.

@Six
I just about died seeing the drawings of the men’s underwear, lest you, you know, see a little something.

@AM
Some of their baked items seemed interesting, but the clothing was really from the Way Back Machine!

@uptonking
My Grandmother had the “fabric” no peel no crack, totally wipe-able tablecloth, too!

@Deedles
I imagine your style much better than some of this schmata!
Fingerhut!!!

@Mitchell
I think the cats would love a slipn-slide tablecloth!
I don’t though, think you’d like pencil dick underwear!

@Joe
Some of their jams and jellies and things looked good, but it was the clothing and the household goods that seemed like a mismatch!

@Dave
I ordered Carlos to toss the catalogue …after I took my photos!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

OMG, I didn't know they even still made oilcloth! When I was a kid, my grandma used an oilcloth covering for her kitchen table!

Anonymous said...

Hey, real linoleum came back as an alternative to vinyl tile, so maybe it is oilcloth's time yo return.

BTW 1974 would have been a return to Levis bell bottom cords. I can remember, I was there.

Mistress Maddie said...

Yep...there clothing and textiles are dated for me....but I can say the candies cakes and baked goods and jams....OH.MY.GOD. Never had a bad tasting thing yet.

There schtick is definitely purveyors of the old tired and true old time favorites. Since home, my mother has gotten three catalogs from them.

Travel said...

Where are the maple sugar candies, and cheeses, well it was cheesy, but I want cheese.

Sadie J said...

I was looking for some candy that my Mom liked 5 decades ago and someone recommended this company. They have the candy (yay!) but it was $20+ a pound (not so yay). It does have some nice "vintage" items, but nothing I can't live without, apparently.

Bob said...

@Debra
I was surprised to see that, too!

@Anon
Linoleum AND oilcloth AND bell bottom cords????

@MM
Nice to see you!!!
I was suckered in by the delicacies and shocked by the rest!

@Travel
The good stuff is in there, you just wade through the, um, not so good.

@Sadie
It's definitely a personal taste level!

whkattk said...

I used to order things like jams and jellies, a few select pastries. Then they got "popular" and the prices more than doubled. No thanks.

Helen Lashbrook said...

1974? Seems more like 1954

VRCooper said...

Now I must admit that blue shirt caught my eye...I could rock that in private and be comfortable but the other stuff...Someone's inventory needs a refresh...

Bob said...

@whkattk
Maybe that's why all the olden days clothes???

@Helen
Whatever it is, it's past its sell-by date!

@VRC
Or a dump out and start again!


jsstrand said...

My local San Antonio walmart sells several different colors and prints of oilcloth by the yard -

Bohemian said...

LMAOROTF... looks like some Religious Cult's Catalog! How DID you get on their Mailing List?