Why Is It ...

… that even when I’m on my third ‘mhm’, they just keep on speaking!

… that no one realizes that when you falsely accuse me of having an attitude, it creates exactly the attitude that you thought I had.

… that I really want to be nice but everyone annoys me?

… that cocktails are so dangerous; I mean, they often taste like juice and then suddenly you can’t walk.

… that I’m too old for Snapchat and too young for Life Alert.

… that every single day there is something to do and I am sick of it.

… that I feel like Willie Nelson’s been the same age my whole life?

… that while it’s nice to see people embracing therapy, a few of you are in need of an exorcism.

… that I always have the need to get the last word, even if I have to mail it to you.