Why Is It ...

… that I eat salad every day. Bean salad. Coffee Bean Salad … Coffee. I drink coffee every day.

… that when I think of donating my body to science I tend to think science will donate my body to Goodwill.

… that deep down I want to touch an electric fence to see if it really works.

… that what people don’t know about me is that I will find out; I’m a Findoutologist; I got a PHD in Findoutology.

… that I love people who ask if they can call me, and smile when I say, ‘No, you can’t but thanks for asking.’

… that people assume I’m home just because they see me on my front porch.

… that at the movies last week a security guard told me I couldn’t bring in outside food. Has he never heard of a service burrito?

… that I won’t wait for the tables to turn when I can easily hurl a chair.

… that some days I go to work and make my coworkers wonder what is wrong with me, and then I clock out.