Saturday, October 29, 2011

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

Well, I guess next up she'll actually be whoring herself out on Hollywood Blvd, with her mom wearing a purple velvet hat and driving a Cadillac.
Lohan's posing for Playboy!
C'mon! You know she's gotta pay the lawyers now.
It's been confirmed that Lindsay Lohan is shooting nude photos for Playboy, and she isn't getting paid in stolen jewels or prescription meds. Word on the street is that the wacktress will pocket nearly $1 million for baring it all.
The original offer--the deal has ALLEGEDLY been in the works for months--was for a $750K payout, but fame-whoring Dina Lohan shrieked, "My kids won't get naked for less than a million!"
So, Lohan will be showing the world what the good Lord gave her. Well, the good Lord and any number of plastic surgeons and doctors who've enhanced her breasts, Botoxed her forehead, and pumped collagen into her lips.
I wonder if they'll do the shoot in the morgue, while Lohan's doing her community service? i mean, her face looks cadaverous already so it isn't that big a leap.

And then we have news on someone I like to call Lindsay Lohan-lite. Or Lindsay Lohan 2.0. Or Lindsay Lohan  without the arrest record.
Tara Reid. 
It seems that Reid’s two-month marriage to Zack Kehayov is over. And she's going so far as to say it really wasn't a real marriage anyway.
But let's look back a moment. It was just mid-August when Reid announced, via Twitter naturally, that she had gotten married. The entire world--okay, not the entire world, but all the bartenders in the world--assumed she'd married her Danish boyfriend, Michael Lillelund, until she clarified that it was some other guy that she probably met over body shots the night before, one Zack Kehayov.
So, she got married, and then the next day left her husband so she could appear on Celebrity Big Brother Bosnia, or something. She was kicked out three weeks later, and was soon seen partying with her "husband" who mostly spent his time carrying her bags, and propping her up in public. Reid even talked about having children, until the UN issued a declaration that she not be allowed to reproduce.
No need to worry about that now, because Tara and Zack are now over. And she says it was a real marriage because, that marriage that Reid just couldn’t shut up about, was apparently never made legal here in the good old U S of A.
And now it's over.
And the bartenders of the world are waiting for her triumphant return to that spot of tile under a stool.

I kinda know how this feels, cuz I'd be doing the same thing, too, if Paltrow was my wife.
Chris Martin, AKA Mr. Gwyneth Paltrow, is not fond of interviews, and not at all fond of interviews where the questions seem Gwyneth-related.
And, seriously, can you blame him? I mean she talks about herself so much why should he even mention her name? He doesn't even appear in public with her.
And again, can you blame him?
Once, when a female journalist asked if he';d ever record a duet with the missus, he responded by asking the reporter about her favorite sexual position.
Another time, he punched a guy in the chest for mentioning Gwyneth’s ex Brad Pitt. 
He also walked off a BBC interview when it took at turn he didn’t like.
But then he had a change of heart, and, in an interview with CBS, said being married to Paltrow was akin to “winning the lottery.” Which is apparently what happened because I think that right after he said that, Paltrow cut him a huuuuge check.
But now he's back to this old "No Gwyneth" stance. Martin was doing a phone interview on radio with several journalists, and there were a lot of questions about Gwyneth. So, what did Chris Martin do?
He hung up.
Of course, he immediately called back, probably because Gwyneth had one of her perfectly manicured talons aimed at his jugular, and said that he didn’t object to any particular question, but that it was more about the fact that too many were coming at once, and Gwyneth scarcely had any time to tell him what to say about her.
Like I said, if I was married to her, I'd keep my mouth shut, too.

Wow. This is shocking.
Fame-whore, and money-grubbing, Kate Gosselin is planning to enroll her brood of eight into acting, singing, dancing, joking, shilling for Mama, classes.
According to sources--and I can think of at least eight 'people' who wanna dog Kate--her "ultimate goal is to get her kids into the entertainment business and manage their careers. She’s looking into acting, singing and dancing classes near the family’s home in Pennsylvania. She wants to get the kids started in commercials by next year…”
Kate believes that she can be the mother of all stage moms, making big bucks by managing the kids’ careers, and never having to work a day in her life again. Because that's what she does, whore herself and her children out.
She's the New Dina Lohan.
But ex-husband Jon isn't keen on kid-sploitation. According to those eight sources, Daddy, er, Jon, has "been very outspoken about wanting to keep the children off TV.”
But Kate is one mean mama who don't take 'No' for an answer if it comes between her and not having to actually work again ever. I mean, her TV show failed, she tried to get a talk show and that fizzled, her dancing was more lumbering, and her latest TV show was canned.


froggy said...

Dina should have kept going. Kate is going to out-stage-mom her by sheer numbers.

R.J. said...

I hope whoever does the airbrushing for Playboy gets paid well for the extra work they'll need to put in for this photo shoot.

Jim said...

Lindsay Lindsay Lindsay... can't get enough of herself can she?

Miss Ginger Grant said...

I always look forward to when you "don't gossip!" So let's dish!
Really, Playboy- you're going to spend $1mil to show Lindsay's vag to the 6 of your "readers" who haven't already seen it?

Clearly, Tara, your marriage wouldn't be legal in the US- because you married a big ole 'mo, and Gay marriage is not yet legal in most of the states!

And finally- (read this really loud in your head): "I HAD A DREAM, AND ALL I NEED, IS 88 BUCKS, PAPA! THAT'S ALL I NEED, 88 BUCKS, PAPA!".... Oh, and a frontal lobotomy! Someone put this bitch out of our misery!!

Looking forward to next week's "Hollywood Dirt!"

tamayn said...

I really want to care about La Lohan, but I just can't. She's just a shame.

I don'really know if I should feel about Jon in this whole situation. I mean, after all, it's becoming painfully obvious that Kate was the forearm behind the media around their family. However; is there anyway to really say one is better than the other?

mistress maddie said...

Oh child, Lindsay Lohan to pose naked? If the rest looks like her face, who wants to see it? Smoke house raw hide looks better I say!

Mitch Block said...

I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you to keep me up to date on all this!

Bob said...

That's what I live for, Mitch!! said...

I'm pretty much to the point that the Lohan Crazy Train bores me. Her parents and her sister are all equally fame-obsessed and looney.

Kate Gosselin makes me sick. She's the poster child for "How to Exploit Your Children from Birth".