PR9EP3: RuffledStiltSkin

So. The Challenge. Um, yeah. Create something eyecatching, imaginative, larger than life, but not costume-y, for a group of stilt-walkers.
Stilt.Walkers.
And, in a first for the PR, the runway show would be held outside and the public was invited to attend. Seriously? Outdoor stilt-walkers? This could either be the best show ever, or there could be a Fashionista Attack.
Stilt-walker clothes. Even Heidi strutted her stuff in stilts. And was pretty good at it, too, leading to me to think that if this TV gig dries up she'll have a whole new career in the circus. Towering over the designtestants, she pulls out the Button Bag to create teams of two for this altitude-challenge.
Teams. And stilts. D-I-saster.
First up is Bert and Viktor, and Viktor is not happy, which makes Bert mad, which annoys Viktor, which pisses off Bert....Yeah, it'll be like that.
Let's roll.......

Anya and Olivier
She's a dress designer, he does menswear. She likes color and pattern, he likes muted colors and solids. She can't sew, he's a genius at it. But, they both "speak foreign" so it looks like, as Tim says, the Dream Team.
And they are. If dreams are boring. They don't argue, they work well together. They create together and discuss together and drape together and sew together and eat together and laugh together.
How in the hell did they get on this show? We don't need no stinking nice people who get along! Where's the drama?
Well, they proved you didn't need drama or snark to get together and create an interesting look, even though there was a moment or two when they thought their design wouldn't work, or might actually fall apart on the runway.
And when Tim stopped by for his critique, while he wasn't negative, he left Anya and Olivier worried about their creation. For good reason, I think.
It looked a hot mess in the workroom, with it's top of Olivier muted fabric cut-outs, and Anya's patterned flowy skirt, but when it hit the runway, it somehow worked.
It moved, it flowed, it got them through this week as the lone safe team.
My only complaint is: what's with Olivier's hair and all the bobby pins he uses to keep it up and off the side. Did they not have gel at university> or in Columbus, Ohio?

Top Three

Kimberly and Becky
They haven't spoken to each other in the three weeks since the show started. Seriously. Three weeks and no talking; well, unless you count the number of times that Kimberly has snarked to the camera that Becky is boring, and her clothes are boring.
So, naturally, when they work together, they each sit facing the opposite direction and say very little. They do agree, before the about-face, that Kimberly makes good pants, so, well, she make pants, while Becky can tailor a mean jacket.
They'll call their design Military Punk, with a one-shouldered jacket designed to show off the stilt-walker's tattoo.
The pants are very cool, so I guess when Kim isn't snarking, she cutting a mean pattern. Becky's jacket goes a little Star Track--as Kim says--or a little Judy Jetson as Bert says, but it seems to work. The two pieces, which, like the designers, have never spoken to one another, until the model put them on, work very well together. At least as soon as Becky puts the kibosh on Kim's attempt to gold lamé her jacket.
Gold lamé is lame.
It looks good on the runway. I mean you can tell it's well-made, and the judges seem to love it. Heidi raves about the pants, and the tailoring of the whole outfit, while Michael Kors calls it kickass and says any woman who wears it will need to get that shoulder tattoo. Nina likes, but is less than impressed with the Star Track collar, which she calls circus-y.
Kim and Becky are safe.

Cecilia and Danielle
First off, who are these two? Have they been here the whole time? I don't recognize either one of them. But I digress. Except I don't. Have they really been here the whole time? Now, I digress.
The Unkown Designers agree on chiffon, because it's flowy, and has, as Cecilia, or Danielle--I don't know which because they are almost interchangeable except one has an accent--has the aaaaaah of silk, whatever that means.
I know it means it's a bitch to work with because everyone says so.
They decide to go all flowy blouse and all flowy pants and Danielle asks Cecilia--Oh! She's the one with the accent. Note taken--is she is good with the fit, and Cecilia snaps, in her Natasha Fatale, of Rocky and Bullwinkle fame, accent, "I make custom clothings for people with all kind bodies. i know how to fit pants!"
Okay. Point taken and security called.
They tell Tim their outfit is all about the movement, but I think it's all about the color, which reminded me of a Motel 6 bedspread; I mean, turquoise and beige? Really?
They have a minor meltdown when Cecilia snaps...again...that the outfit is all fucked up, but then there is a group hug, or what I thought was an attempt by Danielle to keep Cecilia from killing her in her sleep.
Which Cecilia should have done after Danielle told the hair people that they wanted a royal hair-do, though she couldn't decide which royal, so she settled on having the hair up, and off to the side.
Up.And.Off.To.The.Side. Cecilia called it a Pumpkin Head.

I had another thought. When I saw this flowy, chiffon-y, aaaaaaaaah moment come down the runway with that hair, I instantly thought Joan Crawford, the Trog years. Seriously, Google JC in Trog, they're interchangeable. Oh, I'll do it for you.
Heidi liked the colors--she liked the colors?--and the sheer, but went crazy over the hair. Kors also went crazy over the bad hair, but loved their use of chiffon because, you know, it's so hard. Kim Kardashian, looking more Drag Queen than usual--and why is she a guest judge? Her fashion sense is Make my big ass look bigger. How does that get her on the show?--called it chic and loved the color. I think I need to adjust the color on my TV if this color is good. Nina liked it, but thought it was too quiet. Pretty, but quiet.
Pretty, but safe.

Anthony Ryan and Laura
One Nut and Glam Girl.
They're the only ones who go bold color, picking every single red they can find at Mood. But they are also the only ones who listend to Tim when he said to think of Paris couture fashion, that looks almost otherworldly, but can be worn.
They create a top that looks like it has feathered sleeves, when it is really strips of fabric glued together. That scores points for me, because I'd be the Queen of Glue Gun Couture....Staple Couture.....Safety Pin Couture.
They want some flow--and I wonder why everyone is going flowy and then I realize it's to keep the stilt-walkers upright. Added pressure. The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
So, in their attempt to create a flowy, walkable, skirt, they jump from haute couture to hoop skirt--which is quite a leap--and Anthony Ryan tries building a hoop so the model can walk. Sadly, the hoop ends up looking like a roll of unspooled wire, so it's tossed aside, and they opt to make a billowy--another word for flowy--skirt to wear over the pants.
Tim thinks their garment could be the Wow moment. And it is.
For me it was the one outfit that seemed to work best. It didn't look like a stilt-dress, but just looked like a beautiful dress. And it was the only color blast on the runway.
Heidi liked the drama, while Kim Kardashion--again? Why?--loved the black belt the designers took off the PiperLime accessory wall. Yeah, Kardashion knows fashion. Pfffft. Nina liked the beauty and the flow, but worried that Anthony mike be too referential of other designers and not very original. Michael thought it was the one outfit that could be scaled down to regular people size and still be beautiful.
When asked who should win, Anthony said he wanted it to be Laura.
And it was. But he also got the save.

Bottom Three

Bert and Viktor
This pair was doomed from the start. And my Bert love is fading fast. Plus, if I'd had Viktor love, it, too, would be almost gone.
I have never seen two people communicate and yet appear to be having two separate conversations. Viktor likes modern but lets Bert pick old lady fabric--apologies to any old ladies who are reading this, but you gotta admit it looked a little couchy.
Viktor suggests Old Hollywood, like Mae West, in a pant, and Bert shudders, Mae never wore pants! Ever!! Viktor suggests Queen Victoria, and Bert says Victoria was in mourning for fifty years and was not sexy. Viktor says Victorian, Bert says Elizabethan. Viktor says Po-tay-to, Bert say Po-tah-to. This can't be good.
Viktor: "He's a know-it-all."
Bert: "He needs to study."
Me: "STFU!"
Their dress is awful. Two pieces that don't match, except in the fact that the fabrics are horrid. Victorian couch and Whorehouse drapes. That's never good. Trust me. I went through a Vict-Whore-ian phase years back and it wasn't pretty.
When Tim meets up with them, the chat is "I did and then he did and then I did and then he did". Tim says this needs to be a We moment and then I think, Wee wee pads! They need wee wee pads!
But the nitty-gritty is this: Bert wants to design. He doesn't want to do these off-the-wall challenges. He wants to put on a runway show every week and show beautiful clothes. He doesn't get it that the show is about creativity in the face of time constraints and money constraints. I'm slowly removing my Team Bert button.
After their conversation with Tim, Viktor tries working with Bert, but it's too late. That ship has sailed, with ugly sails. I thought it looked clumsy on the runway, and old, and boring. Michael likened it to wallpaper and curtains. Kim Kardashian--Why????????--said it reminded her of the scene in The Sound of Music when they made clothes out of the curtains, like in Marie Antoinette times. Y'all remember, when Marie was the Queen of France and the Nazi's took over and Julie Andrews sang and we got six more weeks of winter?
Kim Kardashian. Historian. Oy!
Nina called it a bad costume and Hiedi seemed unable to speak. Another runway first.
Bert gets saved, though I don't know why, and Viktor gets tossed in the Bottom Two.

Josh and Julie
First off, the superficial. I originally thought Josh was going to be the Hot Gay Guy, but then he opened his mouth in that scratchy whiny I'm-too-tired-to-fully-form-words way that he has, and now I simply want him to shut up.
Okay, the outfit. Matador. Yeah. I know. That was Julie's idea. Then Julie asked if a certain fabric could be pleated, and Josh replied, in that voice, "Juuuuuuuuulieeeeeee, aaanytiiiijng in liiiiiife cannnnnnn  beeeee pleeeeaateddddddddd."
Julia says they need big sleeves and Josh asks her if big sleeves suggest haute couture.
They don't.
Josh: "Uhhhhh. She was rockinnnnnnnnnnnnnn' my nervesssssss."
Me: "STFU."
Julie then spends the entire day making this jacket thing where the big sleeve resembles a Matador's cape, after which Josh takes over and glues every single piece of shiny sh*t he can find on it. It went from hideous to hideous-er. Not  a word, but it still has meaning. Josh tells Tim that his taste and Julie's taste have collided, and Tim says, "You mean converged?" No, Tim, he was right the first time.
Josh does Matador-Beetlejuice pants, making the entire thing more of a hot mess and tells us that being a part of the first outdoor runway show has left him speechless.
If only.
When the model walks the runway she keeps waving that one cape-arm like there's a sudden fly infestation. It was all sorts of wrong, head-to-stilts. Heidi calls it circus, until Julie says Matador, then Michael keeps screaming Ole! Ole! Ole! He then calms down and says it's Halloween, and drama done tacky. Nina cannot stop staring at the tiny doll arms on the giant-legged lady. It's all wrong, from cape to bling to pants to....
It's all wrong.
But even though Julie and Josh both threw Julie under the bus, they both are safe.

Bryce and Fallene
This has disaster written all over it. The two losers from last week are now a pair. A pair of losers. And Fallene tells us from the get-go that she really isn't a designer, but rather an artist.
Omen.
Bryce wants drape-y, not drapery, dark ballerina, while Fallene wants circus. And since Fallene never went to design school, Bryce gets the upper hand.
Omen.
At Mood, they argue over Bryce's all-black vision, so Fallene picks a polka-dot fabric in maroon and black. Yeah, that screams Pop of Color!!
Omen.
But, as we learn again and again, Fallene never went to design school, so she doesn't know how to cut fabric along the grain. Or even how to find the grain. So, Bryce takes over, and becomes the tutor. Only he's not good at it, because Fallene cuts the fabric wrong and Bryce thinks it's melting and scraps it and decides to make a tube top. A tube top screams exciting, larger than life, couture......if you're from utah, I guess.
The greatest scene of the entire show was during Tim's visit, when Fallene told him she felt like she was under a dark cloud, while she was literally standing under Bryce's black tulle skirt.
Omen.
Fallne then cries. To Bryce. To Tim. To Laura. To the cameraman. To a man hailing a cab on the street. She can't do anything, so she grabs some feathers and makes a hat. Bryce made the pants, the tulle skirt, the sash and the tank top and she offered a feathered hat.
Omen.
Heidi called it Black Swan, but not in the Natalie Portman Oscar-winning way. Kim Kardashian--Why????????--says it has no effort. Like she knows about sewing and design. Pffft. Nina says the idea had promise and Bryce agrees that it's half-done. Nina says it's None done. Snap! Michael loves the hat and Fallene stops crying for a moment, until Michael says it looks like nothing at all. Fallene then throws herself under the bus.
Omen.
Bryce gets saved and Fallene gets sent to the bottom with Viktor.
In the end, Fallene's lack of skill, her wealth of tears, and her own need to drive the bus over her own weeping carcass, got her sent home.
Bye Fallene. I'd miss you, but, seriously, why?