I Ain't One To Gossip, But.......

I knew it wouldn't take long for Lohan to get her mug, not her mugshot....yet....back in the news.

It seems that Lindsay is because accused of ALLEGEDLY stealing a diamond necklace, and, also ALLEGEDLY the LAPD have asked a Los Angeles judge for a search warrant for the rehab star's Venice Beach home. They suspect Lohan stole the jewelry, and investigators told the court they have a video of Lohan wearing the missing jewels.
Now, anyone second story man can tell you that you don't wear the jewels! Lindsay must not have been paying attention in the Burglary 101 class mom Of the year Dina sent her to after rehab #3....or was it 5?
It's hard to keep track. She's had more rehab stints than Charlie Sheen has had hookers.
A law enforcement source--and by source, I mean a meter maid on Wilshire--says, "Lindsay is being accused of stealing high-end jewelry, including a necklace. A search warrant was requested Tuesday at the Airport Court to search Lindsay's house for the item of jewelry in question."
If the necklace in question is worth more than $5,000, the 24-year-old serial criminal could be charged with a felony. And, let us not forget, that Lohan is still on probation after ALLEGATIONS from a Betty Ford clinic worker who claimed Lohan assaulted her.
I'm sure Lindsay's lawyer, and her media-whoring Mom, will spin the story that Lindsay was loaned the jewels and, because she is a functional illiterate, thought loaned meant she got to keep them forever and ever!
Seriously, Lindsay, start carrying receipts for everything you own and this might not happen again. And again. And again.


And now, on to our other favorite wacktor, Charlie Sheen.

Although Charlie Sheen checked himself into rehab, then checked himself out, then checked himself into something called home rehab--because that's where the bowls of coke are--then said he was going back to work instead of rehab, no one really knows how seriously he's going to take this until the ratings come in for this week's Two and A Half Men.
A close friend of the wacktor--and by close friend, I mean porn star, prostitute, or drug dealer--says, "If the ratings go through the roof again, as they did after Charlie's incident in New York, CBS and Charlie will be out again in no time and back to his old ways. However, if the public finally stops rewarding Charlie for his bad behavior, then, and only then, can you expect him to take the situation seriously."
See, it's not about Charlie wanting to get help, or about his CBS bosses wanting him to get help, it's about the money. High ratings mean gold for the network, and also mean Charlie gets a bonus on top of his $1.25 million dollar paycheck for each episode.
Mark Burg, Sheen's manager, handler, publicity spinner, and an executive producer of Two And a Half Men, says, "Charlie knows he has work to do, and he is looking forward to regaining his sobriety. Charlie hopes to be back at work in the near future, but there is no time frame. Regaining his sobriety is what is most important."

I love that song! They've been singing it for about fifteen years now and think that it never gets old.

File this under: Fire The Dimwit Who Thinks This Is A Good Idea!

Katie Couric, that perky little news minx, is ALLEGEDLY growing tired of being the anchor of the CBS Evening News because she hasn't been allowed to giggle and smile as much as she likes, what with all these wars, and earthquakes, and politics, messing with her mood, so she might be leaving that sad-sack gig when her contract expires this year.
But, if she leaves the job that pays her $15 million this year alone, where will she go? What will she do?
Well, it seems Katie wants to be Oprah.
No, she doesn't want to be a Twinkie loving Black woman, she just wants Oprah's show, and time slot, and, undoubtedly, paycheck.
Sources--and by sources I mean the guy that tapes down Couric's face to keep her from smiling when she talks about the riots in Egypt--say, "No doubt, Oprah leaving her show is going to cause a huge gap in daytime talk, and the only person who could hope to fill her shoes is Katie Couric. Katie is going to bolt CBS News when her contract expires and start a new chapter of her TV life. Everyone knows she has the talent; now it's just finding the right show for her to do and surrounding herself with the best people to pull it all together."
The only person who could hope to fill Oprah's shoes is Katie Couric? Honey, I've seen Oprah's shoes, and several of us could fill them.
But I digress.
Katie is ALLEGEDLY in talks with her former Today show executive producer, Jeff Zucker, who just stepped down as Universal CEO to start his own production company.
Those sources--and by sources I mean Katie Couric--say, "Nothing would make Jeff happier than to be reunited with Katie and creating a new talk show format that could replace Oprah when she leaves. With the exception of Oprah, are there many people who do a better interview than Katie? You only have to look at her historic interview with Sarah Palin to see how she gets behind the press answers to reveal the real person."
Historic interview? I think that's a typo. It should have read hysterical interview.
Oh, Katie, I'm no fan of Winfrey, but you, sir, are no Oprah. my source says.


And I thought the Mel and Oksana business would be the Ugly Story of the Year.
Perhaps not.

It seems that Halle Berry is claiming her baby daddy, Hottie McHottie, Gabriel Aubry is a crazed, jealous man who put their child at risk.
Aubrey says, "I am rubber, you are glue, everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you."
He's a model! You were expecting Chekhov quotes?
Halle and Gabriel are now locked in what has turned into the most epic custody war this side of Mia Farrow and woody Allen, over daughter-wife Soon Yi.

Sources--and by sources, I mean the man who reads Mickey D's menus to Aubrey, and the woman who forced Halle into that butt-ugly Golden Globes dress--say, "While Gabriel was dating someone last year, Halle would call, screaming and swearing at him in a jealous rage."

And Gabriel is claiming that when he went to London and South Africa with Halle and Nahla last August, where Halle was shooting a movie, she would ALLEGEDLY not return for days, when she was supposed to care for the toddler.
Halle says it's the opposite; she says Gabriel is petty, jealous and irresponsible, but, in addition to all that, he sometimes forgets he has little Nahla when she's in his care.
Hmmm, sounds like they're both a wee bit irresponsible.

Diddy doesn't mess around when it comes to giving out presents.

The rapper [?], music mogul [?], designer [?], entrepreneur [?], media whore [!!] recently gave his 17-year-old son another Mercedes Maybach for his birthday. Diddy gave the boy the $300,000 Maybach last year, when he turned 16, but then decided that this time his son needed limousine version of the luxury vehicle.
And all because Justin brought his grades up.
Sources--and by sources I mean the people who have to remind Diddy to close his mouth--say, "Justin has turned himself around and is now an honors student, which he wasn't before."
Diddy himself says he hopes his son will use the $390,000 car only for special occasions, like his first date. And, Diddy adds, "[L]ike all my kids, he prefers the simpler things than the expensive things. Simple tastes."
Simple tastes would be, oh, I dunno, like a bus pass, or subway card, but not a car worth nearly half-a-million dollars.
And Diddy thinks that anyone who criticizes him for doling out such lavish gifts to such a young man are doing so because they;re racist.
Um, no, maybe they're doing it because it seems a bit extreme.

And more Sheen news!
Porn star Kacey Jordan--and aren't her parent's proud--made a shocking claim on Good Morning America when she said--in an interview where she was in her fifth minute of her fifteen minutes of fame--that Charlie Sheen asked her to babysit his kids.
Seriously.
Porn-star-babysitter. That's quite the resume.

But Charlie's ex--well, one of Charlie's exes--Denise Richards is fuming. Sources--and by sources, I mean the hacks who are paid to keep Denise Richard';s name in the press--say Denise has effectively barred Charlie from being alone with daughters Sam and Lola until he completes his stay-at-home-or-go-away-or-go-back-to-work rehab.
The source--working overtime to remind us that it was Denise's lesbian scene with Neve Campbell that ensconced her into the upper echelon of actresses--says, "Denise has had enough. All this time she has been trying to protect Charlie in the eyes of his daughters, limiting the information they know about his partying ways, but now she knows it's the girls that need protecting, not Charlie."
That Denise Richards. She's like Mother Teresa, with better hair.

Elton John knows Billy Joel is going to "hate him" for it, but he's Elton and he doesn't care.

He is publicly speaking out about Joel, his friend and fellow musician, needing to get serious about conquering his alcohol addiction.
Elton John told Rolling Stone that he and his former touring partner had to cancel many shows in the summer of 2009 because of Joel's sicknesses and "alcoholism." John said he hopes Joel will opt to "do something better" with his life and go to rehab like he did, with patients cleaning floors and not watching television."

Joel, like Lohan and Sheen, is a serial rehabber, who has checked himself into treatment centers twice for his alcohol issues. He did two weeks in 2002, and a whole month in 2005.

In 2003, Joel said, "I can abuse alcohol, if the demons get me, I'll go on a bender. It's happened to me before. That's why I went into rehab. I was on a binge. I was on a bender. And I said this is stupid. I gotta stop. And I went and I did stop.:

Until 2005, ALLEGEDLY.
Hopefully Joel will get mad, but maybe mad enough to do something about it.


More Sheen!???!
Perhaps I should retitle my blog I Should Be Charlie Sheen.

It seems that the 911 call that prompted Charlie Sheen's hospitalization last week has been released. And, on it, we hear the voice of Dr. Paul Nassif--husband of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills' Adrienne Maloof....small world, isn't it?--saying, "I just got a call from the residence of Charlie Sheen, from a secretary. Apparently ... he's intoxicated. And he's saying, 'Don't call 911.' They got him on the phone, and he was very, very intoxicated, also apparently in a lot of pain. It was kind of weird, the phone call I received."
Sheen was hospitalized and labeled in "serious condition" after an allegedly 36-hour coke-and-whore bender, and is now in rehab, or back at work, or still partying.
Sheen was ALLEGEDLY having a "wild" marathon party with five women prior to the incident, with, ALLEGEDLY, "bricks of cocaine" and buckets of porn stars.
Sheen's publicist say he was hospitalized for a hernia.
A coke-and-whore hernia?
Still, days after his is-he-or-isn';t-he-trying-to-sober-up, Sheen ALLEGEDLY text-messaged gossip-site RadarOnline, writing, "I'm fine. People don't seem to get it.... Guy can't have a great time and do his job also? Bunch of turds."
Yeah, he can, until it kills him.